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This Wife Crashed Her Husband's Family Dinner Because She Wasn't Invited, And Now She's Wondering If She's An A-Hole

"My husband was really pissed when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an asshole I had been."

Y'all...the Am I The Asshole? subreddit just gets juicier everyday.

Recently, a wife posted to the subreddit and wondered if she was an asshole for crashing her husband's family dinner, and let me just say, it's PETTY. Here's the situation, as told by the wife, u/restaurantcrasher:

"I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 3 years. We dated for 2 years before that. I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas."

two hands on top of each other on the couch

"My husband’s parents, his 2 brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ girlfriends/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50% of the time. I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time."

looking inside the window at a group having dinner

"About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very pissed. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservations, and I left 15 minutes after him."

"I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them. They were all there, including his brothers’ SOs. My husband looked completely shocked and asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I had just been dying for a steak, so I came and got one at the restaurant."

"My mother in law said it was very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner. I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom. I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself."

steak with sauce, fries, asparagus and wine

"My husband was really pissed when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an asshole I had been. I said that he was an asshole for not inviting me to his dinners when his brothers’ SOs got to go. My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it."

a couple arguing in the hallway

"Anyway, with the way the word asshole was thrown around, it made me think of this subreddit. So I wanted to ask if I am the asshole. Am I?"

*Me reading this:*

People in the replies were mostly all in agreement that the wife was not the asshole.

One user, who goes by u/TUFKAT said, "Maybe I've just missed a memo or two or three, but when you get married, are you not part of the 'family' now?

If they had a child, would the child be invited because the decision was between him and his family and baby made the cut, but the birthing unit that spit out the offspring can't tag along? Best if she didn't.

I'm seriously gobsmacked. NTA. Hope her steak was good."


Many others shared similar sentiments, and some wondered if there was a race or religion difference that the wife had with her husband's family, which she later clarified:

"I am mixed race and he is white. We are both Christians, but neither of us are particularly religious. My in laws are fairly religious, but none of their kids are avid church goers and they don’t seem to mind," she explained.

After the wife explained her family background, a user who goes by u/Acceptable_Day6086 warned that the in-laws and husband were probably racist:

"OP (Original Poster) stated that she is mixed race, and then when she asks her husband why his family does not like her, he is cagey and never gives a real response. The other SO's are all white like the in-laws which is why they get invited every time. The only difference between any of them, including religion, is that OP is mixed race. 

The fact that her husband is okay with this and gets angry at OP for asking about it says he too is racist and is fine with racists excluding his wife. Do you really want to do this for the rest of your life OP, let alone for the next 5 years until you decide whether you want kids or not? And what if the kids are not 'white passing?' Do you really think your in-laws will not treat them differently? GET OUT."

Someone else made another good point about the use of the word 'family':

"As soon as your mother-in-law said you’d interrupted their ‘family’ dinner spoke volumes: you are not and never will be considered family to them. Get out now, no matter what other ‘good’ aspects you see in your husband. You are worth more than this," u/JayneJay said.

Now, it's your turn to vote:

What do you think? Sound off in the comments below!