Skip To Content

    This Mom Is Upset Because Dad Let Their Vegan Daughter Eat Meat, And People Have Big Thoughts On The Situation

    "I feel like that's a decision that I should have been informed about."

    There's a subreddit called Am I the Asshole, and I swear, some of the posts are SO interesting.

    E! / Via

    In case you aren't familiar with the subreddit, it's basically a space where people post about their most pressing interpersonal conflicts, and then other users can then decide on who the "asshole" is in the situation.

    Recently, a mother wondered if she was in the wrong for how she handled a situation involving her vegan daughter eating chicken nuggets, and I MUST know what your thoughts are.

    Here's what happened, as told by the mom, u/veggiecoparent:

    "My ex and I were vegan. I became vegan when we moved in together because he was vegan, and he didn't like there being animal products in the house. I learned more about the way food was made, and I agreed. I was vegan while I was pregnant, and we've raised our daughter vegan for the past eight-ish years."

    A person at a grocery store putting veggies in a cart
    Oscar Wong / Getty Images

    "We divorced 15 months ago. He was not faithful, but while he was a terrible partner to me, he loves his daughter, and during this time I've tried to be a good coparent."

    "Yesterday I picked up my daughter from her dad's house — he wanted to keep her late because he and his partner were going to take the kids (she has three) to a matinee of Frozen. So it's dinnertime when I'm getting her."

    Image Source / Getty Images/Image Source

    "As we're driving home she says she's hungry. I offered her my purse apple (I should have packed better car snacks for the ride), but she spies the golden arches out the window. She has a full-blown meltdown, demanding chicken nuggets."

    Tim Boyle / Getty Images

    "We get home, and she's like, blowing snot bubbles she's so enraged. She howls her way through a bowl of leftover soup (honestly, I think I was just being an asshole at this point because we have chicken nuggets in the freezer I could have made, but rewarding that kind of tantrum seemed like bad parenting). She hates me; I'm a terrible mom; dad would have let her eat chicken nuggets. She wore herself out crying."

    A pack of chicken nuggets with dipping sauce
    Sarah Palmer / Getty Images

    "She was upset when she woke up this morning asking if I 'hated' her because she ate meat (OBVIOUSLY, obviously, obviously not). I spent the entire drive to school reassuring her that I'm not angry with her but that I was surprised that she wanted them. I also reiterated I wasn't happy with her behavior of screaming and hollering when she didn't get what she wanted. I understand that sometimes our emotions feel big, but we have to try and be in control of them and not the other way around."

    "But I AM fucking pissed because I wasn't aware our hitherto vegan daughter was now eating meat, and I feel like that's a decision that I should have been informed about. I called him after she went to bed, and he told me I was being uptight, and he didn't tell me because he knew I'd overreact. I'm controlling, and I don't need to be privy to every single thing he does when our daughter is with him."

    A woman looking at a screen
    Dmitry Marchenko / Getty Images/EyeEm

    "I'm fucking MAD. There are vegan options at McDonald's — he didn't have to feed her chicken, but since he did, I would have appreciated a heads-up. Also, for a dude who gave me a hard time for craving Oreos (which are fucking vegan) while pregnant with her, kinda annoyed that he's shoveling crap in her mouth hand over fist by taking her to McDonald's every week."

    Chicken nuggets and fries with ketchup
    Sean Gladwell / Getty Images

    "I'd always felt like when she became old enough to choose her diet, I'd let her make her own decisions. But, like, I feel wildly, wildly frustrated that he unilaterally made this choice. I feel like I should have been made aware. I try to keep him updated on her stuff when she's with me. AITA?"

    I don't know about you, but this one had me thinking.

    Harpo Productions / Via

    People in the comments definitely had their own opinions too. One user, who goes by u/starbuckbuckbuck, thought the mom was the asshole for enforcing veganism on her daughter in the first place:

    "I’d say your ex-husband should have told you, but obviously you would have flipped your shit about it. Clearly your daughter wants to eat meat, and she’s old enough to make her own decisions (to some extent) in regards to what she wants to eat. When she’s older and can comprehend more fully the nuances of the issue, she may choose to go back to veganism, or vegetarianism, etc., or maybe she won’t. But she’s an individual, not property, and she should be allowed to make some decisions for herself."

    Other users like u/RealisticSandwich, however, thought the mom's frustration was not unjustified and that the ex-husband was the asshole in the situation:

    "You don't let an 8-year-old tell you what they want to eat. You don't give them fast food just because they beg for it. And if you and your co-parent have agreed to a diet together, you absolutely should let the other person know when you change something, ESPECIALLY if you're going to start feeding the kid fast food. No kid NEEDS fast food (not saying it can't be incorporated into an otherwise healthy diet, but a parent saying no to fast food isn't like, depriving them or denying their bodily autonomy).

    What if their daughter had a delayed allergic reaction to something her dad fed her, and their daughter kept it quiet because her dad told her not to tell her mom? Hell, even this WILD behavior change is bad news."

    Another user who goes by u/jader88 also agreed that the mom was not in the wrong:

    "Divorced people who are co-parenting have to communicate, even if they think a conversation is going to be unpleasant. That's part of being an adult, not lying and teaching your child to keep secrets from their other parent."

    And someone else who goes by u/codeverity brought up a good point about how veganism was clouding the real issue at hand:

    "I can guarantee if veganism wasn't involved then people would be able to see that her ex should have communicated with him. But suddenly it's OK to lie to your co-parent and involve your daughter in deception (and risk her getting sick) when the other person is vegan!"

    What do you think about the situation? Or do you have any AITA stories you'd like our BuzzFeed Community to weigh in on? Let us know in the comments, or use this anonymous form.

    Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.