If you're unfamiliar with the forum, it's basically where people vent about their most pressing moral dilemmas. Other users can then vote on who the "asshole" is in the given situation. Now, a woman is wondering if she's being unreasonable for refusing to edit her facial scar out of her wedding photos after her husband asked her to.
"Me (f32) and my fiancé (m34) Aaron are getting married soon. We were done with wedding planning, although my future mother-in-law basically disagreed with every arrangement we had," she said.
"This whole issue came up recently: Aaron and I were discussing the wedding photos, and my facial scar that I had in my early 20s came up. Aaron suggested that we have this area of my face (where my scar is located) photoshopped. I laughed thinking he was joking, but he said it was for real," she continued.
"I was taken aback, but he explained that this is what photoshopping is for and that these are wedding photos that last for years, and he'd rather them be flawless. I looked at him and asked if he sees my face as a flaw. He immediately apologized and said, 'Absolutely not, it's just that all couples point out what should and should not be photoshopped to get the best wedding photos.'"
"He then admitted it was his mom's suggestion, and he saw that she had a point this time. I refused, and we began fighting," she explained. "Aaron said that I was being a huge overreactor and that it's not about the scar itself, but the overall look of the photos, and I was being too sensitive for no reason."
She goes on to say, "I had an argument with my future mother-in-law after she nicely tried to talk me into considering it. Most women in the family agreed with her and said this is what photoshopping is for, and lots of people do it because they're not happy with a certain area in their appearance. I told them I'm different because I'm not bothered by my appearance nor do I want to change it for any reason or occasion for that matter. They went on to say I need therapy for me to cope with my past trauma, but I don't think my refusal has anything to do with it."
"Aaron is visibly upset with my response. He said he loves me no matter what and I was ridiculous to be so hung up on this non-issue and holding it against him and his family who want what's best for me. I don't know if this is just my past insecurities popping up, and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting and getting offended for no reason."
Me after reading this:
As for the responses, people were not too happy with the husband. One user, who goes by u/SamSpayedPI, voted that the woman was definitely not the asshole in the situation, and brought up a relevant quote:
“'When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time' —Maya Angelou.'"
Another user, who goes by u/mykidisonreddit, raised some valid questions:
"This is also a classic case of 'this is not really about x.' Why do they want the scar gone? Why don't they respect [original poster's] no? Why is anybody involved beyond the couple? What are these pictures to be used for if they are not to reflect [original poster] as she is?"
Other users joined in and expressed their anger towards the husband:
"This is what I don’t understand. Why would he want pictures that aren’t YOU. I could see if this was something temporary (like from a recent incident that would be resolved in a week), but wanting to change who you are for photos is disturbing. NTA," u/Intelligent_Sundae_5 commented.
Someone who also has a facial scar, U/GothPenguin, shared their perspective:
"NTA. I have massive scars in various places on my body, and many of them are openly visible in my wedding photos. One of my in-laws made the same awful suggestion about Photoshop, and my husband shut her down by pointing out we wanted the photos to be of us not some perfect, unrealistic image of us. I’m so sorry your fiancé and his family are shallow enough to think that photos of you as you are aren’t good enough."