"My husband and I (28M, 28F) got married recently, and my sister (31F) and I were discussing the wedding after returning from the honeymoon. We are very fortunate to have grown up in a household where my parents made very good money. They were generous with us, but raised my sister and I to be hard-working and not dependent on them as adults."
"My sister and I both do well financially as does her husband (36M). My husband loves his job, but it is not one that has a ton of earning potential. He and I met in college, so I’ve always known this was his plan and we are very happy with our setup."
"During my discussion with my sister, she asked me if my husband and I were planning to use the wedding gift money from my parents to do a particular renovation for which we’ve been saving, but I was very confused because the gift, while extremely generous and appreciated, wasn’t nearly enough to cover that. She told me how much she had been gifted and it was more than twice what we had been given."
"After that I couldn’t stop thinking about why I had gotten less, so my sister encouraged me to ask, and during a call with my mom I couldn’t stop myself from asking. Her response was that it wasn’t my business, but since I did ask, my sister has chosen a partner that can accommodate the lifestyle she’s used to, so they’ve gifted her accordingly. They also gifted me according to the lifestyle I’ve chosen."
"We are not entitled to gifts of any size in life, but I still can’t help feeling hurt that my parents feel that my husband and I are less deserving than my sister and her husband based on income. Meanwhile, my parents are angry at both my sister and me for having this discussion and bringing it to them," she concluded.
In a comment, the wife later added, "I could be the asshole because I asked my parents why my sister was gifted more money than me, which can certainly be seen as ungrateful asshole behavior because gifts are not an entitlement."
Personally, after reading that, I was as speechless as Oprah here:
Redditors certainly had much to say about the situation. The majority of people agreed that OP was not the asshole here, including one user who goes by u/gnothro.
"There's a lot of reasons that would have made sense and been OK, including a simple 'we're not in the same financial situation we were in when we gave your sister her wedding gift.' But to make it about how much you guys make, is basically a passive-aggressive way of saying 'you got less because you picked a partner we feel is beneath you.'"
Another person who goes by u/rainyhawk concurred and even pointed out how flawed the parents' logic was.
"If it was income/earning potential based, wouldn’t it make more sense for the lesser income kid to get more? Makes no sense but definitely NTA. Wonder if older sis has always been the favored one?"
Someone else with the username u/Iinventedhamburgers said they had experienced something similar to OP and offered a possible explanation for the parents' decision.
"I've seen this first hand in my extended family. Some members are very well off and for some reason, money attracts money. If you are rich, people seem to give money to you since you are seen as good with money and more deserving and those that don't do as well, seem to be given far less."
And finally, another person who goes by u/kevwelch gave OP some advice.
"I think that given your parent's stance, it’s time to start giving smaller gifts to them. You should make it a point to always give them fewer and smaller things at holidays than you might give your sister or your spouse. If they complain, let them know that they aren’t entitled to any gifts in life, and they should be grateful that they receive anything, given the modest life you’ve chosen. Then suggest how rude it is to ask about such things instead of being grateful.
Spend the money you saved on yourselves. Your parents are petty."