If you're on the petty side of the internet, you'll know about a little subreddit called Am I The Asshole?
Recently, a fed-up husband made some CUTTING comments to his mother-in-law, consequently putting the wife in a weird spot as the middle man. Conflicted, she took to the subreddit to determine if she was an asshole for her handling of the situation. Now, I NEED to know what your thoughts are, because people have some strong opinions about it.
"So, I (F31) recently got married to my husband Scott (M36). Before I met him, I was engaged to my former fiancé Martin, but we broke it off because this relationship was sort of pushed by my family — he's a doctor and comes from a wealthy family. When our relationship ended, mom was devastated."
"She did her best to bring us back together. For example, she lied to Martin about me being pregnant to save 'us.' That was years ago — now, we're all on good terms including Martin. Mom has a bit of tension towards Scott — she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him. She compares him to Martin all the time, which bothers both of us but we try to let it slide."
"Last week, we were over at my parents' house for a social gathering, a lot of relatives came and we had dinner. At the dinner table, Mom asked Scott if he saw the text she sent him the other day, he said he was sorry and that he didn't notice. She told him to check it right then and read it out loud so everyone at the table could hear. He took his phone and started reading the text out loud."
"I was shocked and Scott was pissed, obviously. However, he didn't lash out or anything, he looked at the text, smiled and said 'You know, what gets me about this entire text is how you were a public educator for 30 years, yet you can't differentiate between the passive 'you' and the contraction 'you're.' Good God! The thought of all the children that must've been left behind!'"
"Everyone at the table busted into laughter and mom's face went pale. She decided to leave the table, then she and my sister started yelling at me, saying Scott was being awfully rude and I need to get him to apologize immediately for embarrassing mom at the table."
She concluded with, "I refused to tell him to apologize, then pointed out how she was being judgmental toward him, she defended herself saying she was just letting him know and he had no confidence and took it personally. I left but kept getting told to talk to him and get him to apologize for what he did."
WHEW... I don't know about you all, but my jaw would have dropped at the dinner table hearing her husband say that...
The people of Reddit definitely had some opinions too. A lot of users initially came to the wife's defense and pinned the blame on the mom.
"Not The Asshole. Your mother is a nasty person and deserved much worse. Scott is a saint," u/warrinerdot said.
"Since your mother refuses to be nice to him, it’s probably time to stop visiting. Or first, you could try to enforce a no-Martin rule. Every time she brings up Martin or even hints at a Martin comparison — you and your husband silently stand up and leave immediately."
However, many people, including user u/asdferdfas, argued that the wife was the asshole here.
"WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR MOM TREAT YOUR HUSBAND THIS WAY?
Yes, your husband handled it like a champ, but grow a freaking spine and tell your mom in no uncertain terms to cut that shit out."
Others chimed in, telling the wife she better make it up to her husband for her handling of the situation.
"Give your mother clear guidelines: example — 'If you ever speak about Martin, or text, email whatever to my husband, I will go NC. It is rude, bullying, and upsets him,'" u/HelpStatistician said.
"Have a sit down talk with your husband. APOLOGIZE TO HIM for allowing this to go on for so long and let him know the limits and rules you set with your mother. Let him know you will support him."
"Give him space and encouragement to be actually honest about how this has impacted him and his feelings of self worth, how secure he feels in the marriage. Some therapy might not be a bad idea either, for both of you individually and together."
Another user offered a similar sentiment:
"I have to say, YTA for brushing your mom's behavior to the side, stop being around that type of nastiness," u/ShelyChelle said.
"If I were your husband, I would have put my foot down — no more of your mom's visits, and no more visiting. If you want to go, go alone. You obviously haven't done enough to put your mom in her place. If the tables were turned, you would want to be defended against your in-laws."