Hey, I'm Jen, and I was 11 years old when Lizzie McGuire first premiered in 2001. It was a very important part of my adolescence, obviously.
(Now I am….not 11 years old. You can do the math. Okay, I'm 30.)
In honor of the launch of Disney+, I decided to rewatch the first episode of Lizzie McGuire for the first time since middle school. Here are all my thoughts:
1. The pilot of the series is actually an episode called "Rumors," aka the one where Lizzie accidentally starts a war with Kate by spreading a rumor that she stuffs her bra.
This is interesting to me, because as a pre-teen I never would have known that THIS was the first episode. The same way I didn't realize that the show technically only lasted for two (albeit a very long two) seasons. I don't think I really thought of shows having a beginning or ending — I lived in a blissfully unaware world where Lizzie McGuire was just an ever-present part of life.
(UPDATE: Thanks to some great commenters, I've been told that the actual pilot episode of the show was 1x04 "Pool Party" but "Rumors" is the one that aired first. Thanks for letting me know!)
2. The episode almost immediately introduces us to cartoon Lizzie, and thus IMMEDIATELY sent me straight back to middle school.
Cartoon Lizzie is just the most perfect and relatable manifestation of an inner monologue that I've ever seen. Bitmoji could never.
3. It goes without saying that Miranda's hair on this show is so unbelievably iconic. The pom poms! The braids! I'm living.
4. "Any group activity that forces others to be happy is by nature evil" — Gordo's first line of the series. I don't think I ever quite realized how much I relate to Gordo until right now.
I think Gordo may have been Benjamin Buttoning the whole time, now that I watch this as an adult.
5. The credits rolled with a "skip intro" option, which seems like the absolute last thing I would ever do.
IF YOU BELIEVE, WE'VE GOT A PICTURE PERFECT PLANNNNN. WE'VE GOT YOU FOOOLED, 'CAUSE WE ONLY DO THE BEST WE CANNNNN.
6. Who knew Lizzie McGuire was the original SpongeBob meme and legitimately invented tHiS wAY oF WritInG?
7. Lizzie says, "I'm outie, book report due tomorrow. I haven't even finished the book."
Something about hearing the words book report sent me RIGHT back to middle school. Do book reports still EXIST in the age of Wikipedia?
8. It turns out Lizzie McGuire also invented lists. This show was genuinely so clever, and I forgot about all these little fun asides and graphics throughout each episode.
9. This Paul Frank shirt SENT ME BACK…
The main activity of my 8th grade family trip to California was tracking down stores that sold Paul Frank apparel.
10. …but nothing made me feel more nostalgic than THIS COMPUTER DESKTOP:
I also like the recurring clouds motif of Lizzie's bedroom. Clouds were VERY cool back then. Sounds dumb to say, but it's true.
11. I heard the chime of this IM being received, and I swear I had a Pavlovian reaction and felt like I, too, was sitting on AIM waiting for my crush to log on.
12. Miranda sending this IM to "CLASS ROSTER" is the earliest example I can think of of the incredible teen TV trope of accidentally mass sending a message to everyone you know. This TV trope legitimately ruined my life and made me fearful of technology from a young age.
I now know that accidentally sending a text or IM to everyone in your class is not a real thing and just a thing that happens in TV world. It took years of paranoia to get to that place though.
13. Let's also take a moment to observe this incredible Screen Name, "PoopyHead":
You just know PoopyHead is now a finance guy at some big firm.
14. I'm 30 years old, and somehow still inexplicably intimidated by Kate Sanders.
15. THIS. FUCKING. BACKPACK. I have chills.
16. Uh, why were we all fixated on Ethan Craft when this Danny Kessler guy was over here EXISTING????
King of necklaces and Gatorade.
17. No offense, but I forgot that I used to mostly zone out during Matt's scenes (except for the ones with Lanny) and it turns out I still do.
Like, Matt almost kills but actually doesn't kill his classroom lizard. Yawn.
18. This is way harsh of Kate, but omg that clip art! The colored paper! Like Celine Dion, the era of printers is all coming back to me now.
19. Miranda sabotaging Kate's hairspray walked so Janis Ian cutting Regina George's tank top COULD FLY.
20. I wanted a reading nook like this SO BAD.
21. DITTO THIS CAMO BAG.
22. I still get secondhand anxiety/embarrassment from the "LIZZIE, LIZZIE, BIG LOSER" cheer that Kate and the cheerleaders did at the end of the episode.
23. But the thing I love most about the show is that Miranda and Gordo are just such damn good friends. It's so pure, and it really does emphasize the point that life can be kinda shitty but it's a lot less shitty with good people around you.
So does Lizzie McGuire still hold up? 100% yes. It sent me right back to middle school and I still managed to feel everything that Lizzie felt throughout the episode. And I, for one, cannot wait to see grownup Lizzie next year!
