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    Michael Moscovitz From "The Princess Diaries" Deserved So Much Better


    Hear ye, hear ye! I recently rewatched The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement and I need to get something off my chest.

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    It's complete and utter BULLSHIT that Michael Moscovitz is basically forgotten in the sequel and I'm mad as hell.

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    Before I can get into it, let's revisit all the things that made Michael Moscovitz (played by Robert Schwartzman) a goddamn dreamboat in the first movie:

    1) He had adorable floppy hair and bangs that made him look like the fifth Beatle:

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    I'm sorry, this is the cutest shit I've ever seen in my entire life.

    2) He was part of an extremely cool band and they even had groupies:

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    3) He was into Mia BEFORE Paolo took this and this and gave us a princess, to the point that he freaking fixed her car:

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    He's handy too!

    4) Even though he liked Mia's curly hair, he was nice to her when she had it blown out too and told her it was an "attractive weird":

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    And, I mean, he stared at her with enough sexual tension to power New York City for a year.

    5) He had to put up with Lilly, who is honestly annoying AF most of the time:

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    Lilly's honestly not even a great friend. I said it.

    6) He inspired Mia to send him this perfect pizza:

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    Okay, it's actually kind of a weird ass pizza!!!!! But it was so sweet.

    7) He wore a tux (and combed those adorable aforementioned bangs), even though you can tell that's not his thing:

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    He cleans up nice!


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    Pop pop, bitch!!!!!

    9) And, here's a final reminder just in case you forgot, HE SAW HER WHEN SHE WAS INVISIBLE:

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    Fuck you, Josh Richter.

    Okay, I'm sorry I went full-on listicle in that tangent but, like Elle Woods would say, I have a point, I promise!


    The point is, after all of those amazing things about Michael Moscovitz, it is so fucking disrespectful that his character was a mere CLIFF NOTE at the beginning of Princess Diaries 2:

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    She didn't even show her damn face!!!!

    In a voiceover at the beginning of the film — a fucking VOICEOVER — Mia says: "'How's Michael?' you may ask. Well, we're just friends now, as he went off to tour the country with his band."

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    And that's fucking it!!!!! 21 words. Two sentences. All that beautiful, sweet, sweet, foot-popping love is just brushed aside like garbage.

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    I'm not even going to GET INTO the fact that Mia and Michael freakin' GET MARRIED in the books!!!

    Now, before you come at me in the comments, I know that the line was a "funny" nod to the fact that Robert Schwartzman's band, Rooney, literally was touring the world and that's why he couldn't be in the sequel.

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    (They also appeared on The O.C., but that's neither here nor there.)

    But for the love of Fat Louie, we deserved a much better fictional explanation than that!!!!

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    And, I get it, Chris Pine is great! He's the 4th best Chris in Hollywood!

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    But I only have room in my heart for one Mia Thermopolis love interest and that's Michael Moscovitz 4ever, baby!!!!!

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    The End.


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