The musical Wicked has done a really great job of providing some justice for the Wicked Witch of the West (the true hero of Oz), but today I need to talk about the other side of that story — which is the fact that Dorothy is a truly horrible person with a lot of deep-seated issues that she clearly needs to resolve. Join me on this journey!
At the very beginning, Dorothy runs away right before a massive Tornado, after complaining about her life (which seems pretty fucking good compared to the farmhands who are literally working their asses off on her aunt and uncle's farm) and not giving a single flying fuck when her dog bites someone.
But that is NOTHING compared to how messed up she is after the storm...
So, we all know the BIG PLOT TWIST is that the whole thing was a dream, which means Dorothy is honestly the most twisted motherfucker I've ever heard of. Because her subconscious came up with all of this.
The first thing dream-Dorothy does? Murder a person by dropping a house on her.
She also says witches are old and ugly. Who made you the fucking witch beauty police, Dorothy????
After that, dream Dorothy is CELEBRATED with a literal SONG for being a MURDERER.
And instead of being upset that she murdered someone, she immediately ROBS THE CORPSE. She's a friggin' grave robber.
Now, let's talk about the part where she starts making friends. Scarecrow, Tinman, and the Cowardly Lion are all based on those farmhands from back home, right??? So her subconscious is calling those 3 men (who fucking work on her farm all day while she's singing about her sad boring life) STUPID...
...HEARTLESS...
...AND COWARDLY.
That's a hell of a subtweet, Dorothy. Why don't you just fucking @ them next time????????????
She spends the whole time whining about how much she wants to get home, when at the beginning all she did was whine about her dumb black and white life.
Then, Dorothy finds out that to achieve her goals, she needs to murder a woman who is grieving her sister's death and just trying to rightfully take back a family heirloom from a freaking grave robber. And she DOES IT, no questions asked!
Finally, she brings back a trophy from her murder, only to find out she didn't even have to murder in the first place!!!! All she had to do was click her friggin' shoes! Now, before you blame Glinda or the Wizard, it's really her own damn fault because she agreed to murder so quickly without even checking if there was another way out. Because SHE LOVES DOING MURDER.
To summarize: She's a horrible person who deserves all the tree slaps in the world. THE END.
