The occasion this time? The premiere of a little indie film called Guardians of the Galaxy 2.
Since plebes like you and me rarely get to attend big fancy events, Anna was gracious enough to document every moment leading up to the big night. Let's dive in, shall we?
8:24a.m.: Anna in front of her shower. The important thing to note here is that this is not a shower for mere mortals like us, but a beautiful stone shower with glass doors that don't even slide.
8:27a.m.: Shit, Anna got distracted by her ridiculously comfortable bed and probably a shirtless Chris Pratt. I'm just riffing here, but I prefer to live in a world where Chris Pratt never wears shirts.
8:32a.m.: Well, well, apparently my Spidey senses aren't working because Chris was neither in that room nor was he shirtless. But he does do yoga, so that's cool.
9:01a.m.: Anna gets distracted by old photos of her son Jack playing with a snake. Let's move past this, snakes are gross.
9:18a.m.: Update! Anna has finally showered!
9:29a.m.: Anna attempts to fix blurry TV. Fails.
11:03a.m.: One day, historians will still be trying to figure out what happened in the hour and 34 minutes from when Anna tried to fix the TV to when these guys tried to fix the pool. It's a huge gap in the narrative, but let's carry on. Important things here: These guys are now 100,000,000x more famous than you are and so are the rats that chewed through the wires.
11:48a.m.: Anna wanted to be very direct here, in case you mistakenly thought this was chocolate toast or blueberry toast. It's NOT. It's RAISIN TOAST. Unclear if the bite was taken pre or post toasting, but that's a conversation for another time.
12:03p.m.: Anna was so distracted by her own cuteness that she forgot to tell us this happened at 12:03. Lucky for her, Twitter never forgets.
12:14a.m. (but really p.m.): Stars! They're just like us! They confuse am and pm! Here is the part where I am confused. Didn't Anna wash her hair during 9:08's shower? Did she wash it again? Or is she just showing off her clean tresses?
12:17p.m.: Update: Anna is schooled on AM vs. PM.
12:29pm: Anna wants to wear this T-shirt to the premiere. She's so relatable!
*CERAMIC ANIMAL BREAK* We have a HARD OUT here at 5:15p.m. Can they make it????
1:13p.m.: Alex has arrived on the scene with a suitcase but fuck their garage is so large and I'm going to be poor forever.
2:16p.m.: Time for a pedicure! Spotted: Large bucket and a pumice stick. Pumice is a weird word.
2:34p.m.: Ashlie is very sweet and she is also very unique because she's not an Ashley or an Ashlee or an Ashleigh but an ASHLIE. Meanwhile, Alex seems a lot like you and me and cannot figure out the fancy shower.
3:11p.m.: What the fuck Bridget???
3:17p.m.: No stars were actually harmed in the making of this tweet.
4:03p.m.: This is the most important photo of the day. Let's zoom in.
Where to begin???? Is it with Chris' facial situation? Is it with the adorable family portrait scrawled lovingly on the mirror? Is it the part of the mirror on the right that is apparently reserved for measuring Chris' various muscles? Is it Chris' various muscles in general? Is it ISLAND TIME? Those are your options.
4:15p.m.: ALERT! Jack is peeing outside by the pool! It is very good this happened AFTER the pool guys came to fix the pool.
4:27p.m.: Shit's getting real and Anna's getting her lips done. There are also various pictures on display, including a large framed portrait of trees. Nice.
4:56p.m.: Anna is considering a career change. Chris is getting a blowout.
5:06p.m.: This is where we take stock of the characters in our little tale. We've got the pool dudes, Alex, Ashlie, Bridget, makeup artist wearing black with black nails, mysterious background makeup person (see 3:17) and these two jewelry connoisseurs with their very 'chella friendly tops. Add Anna, Chris and Jack and that's a total of 12 people. It takes a village.
5:13p.m.: Is Anna going commando?? Are we really only at the underwear stage when there are but two minutes left before the Pratt/Farises need to get out the door?
5:19p.m.: We are a little late, but I think it's going to be okay. Mysterious pal from 3:17 makes another appearance here and it's good to know she is well-hydrated. It's been a long day.
5:40p.m.: One time Chris Pratt blamed me for being late. It was awesome.
6:02p.m.: Nope, this isn't the beginning of La La Land! Chris and Anna made it! And boy was the journey riveting.
THE END. Doesn't this photo mean SO MUCH MORE knowing how much *effort* went into it??? Goals.
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