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    23 Things That Actually Happened On "Riverdale" This Week

    "Better a new baby than a dead body."

    1. This week's episode was a welcome reprieve from the goings on of Season 5 — from the rat king to the trash bag killer to the mining expeditions for palladium. Instead we went back to the Season 1 basics: Josie, Melody, and Valerie (aka the Pussycats!) are BACK, and it honestly felt so good.

    Pussycats with the caption here to save riverdale

    And, from the looks of it, the band miiiight just be back in a major way. This episode felt 100% like a backdoor pilot for a spinoff show called The Pussycats

    For that reason, aside from an abundance of musical numbers, the episode was pretty — dare I say — normal by Riverdale standards. Think fewer mothmen, more dances with milkshakes. Or Season 1, but with even more singing. 

    2. We first catch up with Melody and Valerie, who are still best friends and roommates.


    Melody has a girlfriend named Nancy, and Valerie is dating Alan Mayberry, a character from the original Josie and the Pussycats comics. Alan pops the question, but Valerie doesn't quite know what to say. 

    3. Melody is also a thriving YA author with a successful book called Summer Storm that has piqued the interest of Tyler Perry for a movie adaptation. I have NO idea what it's about, but I guarantee you it's better than Jughead's.

    Melody on her laptop

    I honestly loved this detail because Asha Bromfield, who plays Melody, actually DID write a YA novel called Hurricane Summer.

    Things almost get a little dramatic because Valerie was promised the lead role in the film adaptation, but Melody learns that Tyler Perry only wants a major star. But in a beautiful show of friendship, Mel chooses Valerie over the film. Honestly, it's truly calming to watch two TV characters resolve things in a normal way. 

    4. Meanwhile, Josie has become a massive pop star who goes MIA in the midst of her world tour — but she's not missing for too long. Josie shows up at Pop's, and instead of getting a regular and boring update on her life, we get a montage set to her belting "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion, because of course we do.


    I've missed her, and, more importantly, this show has missed her!

    5. Honestly, Josie in this whole episode was such a breath of fresh air and an absolute delight. For example, this happened, and I want it tattooed on my forehead:

    Josie tells Hiram nice to know you're still a little bitch

    Josie, using the last name "Newmar" (I guess this is a famous person thing?), gets a noise complaint from the "rum-maker," Hiram Lodge, who is staying in a hotel for...reasons? Genuinely does anyone know why?

    6. Then, Josie pays a visit to the school where her once-and-possibly-still stepbrother Kevin brings her to say hello to Mr. Weatherbee and encourages her to teach a music class in THE music room (one of Riverdale's premiere sex spots, second only to the sex bunker).

    Waldo weatherbee with an arrow pointing to his glove that says casual reminder this man was in a cult

    I will NEVER stop thinking it's funny that Waldo Weatherbee wears one glove now because of the time that cult leader Edgar Evernever cut off his finger because he thought he was a mole. Such simpler times on this show!

    7. Josie reunites with Archie, who utters this sentence as though it's completely normal:

    Archie says you should come to the whyte wyrm formerly the speakeasy

    First of all, Archie, how DARE was called Le Bonne Nuit!!!!

    8. So anyway, Josie decides to visit the Whyte Wyrm, but instead of trying to catch up normally, her former friends instantly try to use her in their campaign to "save Riverdale," even though they haven't spoken to her in over seven years. And Josie absolutely called each and every one of them out. It was truly ART. From Veronica...

    Josie calls out veronica for her past behavior as her friend

    9. To Jughead and Betty:

    Josie calls out Betty and Jughead for how they treated her in high school

    10. And then, when Cheryl tried to intervene, Josie delivered, frankly, the line of the episode:

    Josie reminds cheryl of the time she sent her a pig's heart

    11. Then, the show remembers Sweet Pea, and he hooks up with Josie, and honestly I loved every second of it.


    Look how happy he is! LOOK AT HIM! Sweetest pea!

    12. For what felt like the 17th musical number of the episode, Tabitha, Alexandra Cabot, and Toni (yay, she's back!) perform a rendition of "Little Shop of Horrors" whilst Toni is quite literally 9-plus months pregnant:


    And, listen, I wanted to hate it, but I didn't!!!! 

    Just to get you up to speed, Alex Cabot (whom you may know from Katy Keene, streaming now on HBO Max!) came to Veronica to talk about an investment she made, and now Veronica is working with Alex and Tabitha to franchise Pop's. 

    13. I now interrupt this recap for a word from our sponsor, Old Navy:

    Toni with old navy bag holding up jeans and the caption baby serial killer jeans

    One thing I find genuinely hilarious is that Riverdale goes out of its way to avoid brand names by saying things like "Entertainment Tomorrow" and "Vanity Flair" and then practically smacks us over the head with a giant OLD NAVY sign!!!! 

    I mean, was I shopping online for Old Navy fall clothes after this? Yes. Am I easily influenced? Sure. Should Old Navy pay ME directly to sponsor these recaps? They shouldn't not do that...

    14. But enough about Old Navy, amirite? Back to the plot! Josie meets up with Melody and Valerie, and after she called out everyone else, it was Josie's turn to hear the impact of how she treated her friends.


    This inspires Josie to give Archie and co. one more chance — which of COURSE means putting on a benefit concert. We also find out that the reason Josie's back is because her father died of a sudden heart attack while on tour. Once Josie, Melody, and Valerie talk things through, they decide to join her for the show, one night only.

    I honestly chuckle every time I remember that the overarching plot of this season is about "saving Riverdale." Speaking of saving, did you know you can save a lot of shopping at Old Navy?! 

    15. We quickly learn two very important things: 1) What Dr. Curdle Jr. looks like out of scrubs and not in a morgue and 2) that he and Mr. Weatherbee are MASSIVE Josie stans.

    Betty asks Curdle if someone died and I wrote the caption can't I just live

    The absolute audacity of Betty to assume that Dr. Curdle Jr. has no life or interests outside of handling cadavers. Clearly, Curdle is such a big fan that he has a Josie T-shirt. And speaking of T-shirts, did you know that Old Navy sells T-shirts???? (OK, I'm done, I swear.)

    16. Anyway, Josie and the Pussycats puts on an AMAZING show...


    17. ...and then Toni goes into labor in the middle, leading to the second funniest line in the episode:


    I cackleddddddddd when Curdle raised his hand. Like, doubled over in laughter.

    18. Cheryl sweetly ends up volunteering to help Fangs deliver the baby, but did anyone else notice how she just like casually flung her dirty gloves at Pop's...AN EATING ESTABLISHMENT?? No, thanks!

    Cheryl in gloves with a joke about getting latex gloves at old navy

    Also, I'm cracking up because in my head I was like, "How did they get to Pop's from the Whyte Wyrm so quickly?" and then I's LITERALLY DOWNSTAIRS lololol. It will never make sense to me.

    19. Josie, Melody, and Valerie debrief the chaotic night, but ultimately decide it was a fairly uneventful night by Riverdale standards:


    Too true!

    Anyway, the Pussycats decide to go on tour together as a band. Valerie turns down Alan's proposal, Melody has a bittersweet farewell from Nancy, and Sweet Pea decides to come on tour to be with Josie. Love it all. 

    20. We briefly meet Toni's baby...Tony (!!!!), and everything is happy for a brief moment.


    LOL, that won't be confusing at all.

    21. But, alas, this is Riverdale, which means there simply had to be a murder mystery. At the end of the episode, a musical artist named Toots Sweet who toured with Josie's dad approaches Sierra and Josie because........he thinks his death wasn't an accident. (Dun, dun, dunnnnnnnnnnn.)


    And now we have a PLOT for the potential spinoff, ladies and gentlemen!

    22. I mean, we even have a LOGO. It feels like this is going to happen, right? RIGHT?


    Ashleigh Murray told Entertainment Tonight (not Entertainment Tomorrow) about the potential spinoff: "If that's what they want to do, I'm sure we will all find out about it just as everyone else will." So now we wait...

    23. In conclusion: When it comes to the Pussycats, I am Dr. Curdle Jr.


    Oh well, next week we're back to *checks notes* Cheryl calling herself the "queen of the bees" in the promo. Oh boy. 'Til then, friends. 'Til then.

    Anyway, cheers!

    The Pussycats toasting