1.
Usain looks like an older, plumper version of the starving African boy. The one on those commercials.
2.
Girls tweets always get more favorites and retweets. Only cause they have tits and ass. #Cheaters
3.
America's role in the world? We don't have one — survival of the fittest mothafucka! You think lions are helping meerkats find food?
4.
Like a blind man reading I'm feeling it
5.
If you have corn rows, you're twice as likely to get your shit lit up. Proven fact
6.
Global warming my ass
7.
Criteria number one of asking questions to the president - must have speech impediment
8.
Not every girl likes anal
9.
(At a restaurant, annoying child behind us) "I wonder how much that boy weighs. My noose only supports 80 pounds." 💀
10.
FUCK YOU AND YO BITCH ASS TITTIES
11.
Transcendalists are treehugging queers who have nothing better to do than write meaningless run-on sentences attempting to be different
12.
@MasonMak you never hear skinny people say I'm just skinny boned
13.
I like to put my sack between my legs and scoot across the carpet ... It tickles
14.
When our generation is 19-24 years old, literally everyone in the NFL will have dread locks
15.
I'm getting paid to take a shit right now. 👍
16.
Russians cry when they lose because they know they're going to be exiled when they get back
17.
When a pretty waittress is pouring water for me and says "tell me when," I can't help but let out a perverted lil smile haha
18.
Gymnast McKayla kinda looks like a bitch...
19.
I've never seen so many Aryans in one place. Blondish/white hair, blue eyes, pale freckly skin.
20.
Instead of people saying "there are starving kids in Africa, now eat it" they should say "there's starving wrestlers in America ..."
21.
"On average ... Asians test higher than whites" (Freakonomics 166)
22.
You will never make it into the navy seals because they don't accept retards
23.
Everyone needs a little controversy ;)