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    27 Secrets Convent School Girls Will Never Tell You


    1. Mass was the best possible substitute for a lesson.

    Gathering in a sweaty school hall once a month was obviously preferable to lesson time.

    2. And "Peace Be With You" was always your favourite bit.

    Muttering "Peace Be With You" and shaking hands with those around you quickly turned into a riot of high fives with your friends.

    3. Although the potential for rejection was very real.

    Not establishing eye-contact before reaching for someone's hand = rookie error. Awkward fumblings ruined the fun in this part of service.

    4. Although you didn't have to be a Catholic to get in, everyone knew about it if you weren't.

    5. Besides, it meant you missed out on Communion during a lengthy Mass.

    6. All of your school buildings were named after obscure saints.

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    "English will be held in Chavoin."

    7. And the majority were haunted.

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    The ghost of "Sister Mary Two-Sticks" will find you, and she will kill you.

    8. But none of them were as scary as the nun graveyard.

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    Flanked on two sides by astro-turf, you could almost forget the overgrown headstones were there... until you accidentally tripped over one and had to outrun the nun-ghosts.

    9. You had more religious statues than students.

    10. Uniform standards were ruthlessly enforced.

    So you kept your socks short, your hair ties discreet, and your kilt below the knee.

    11. But the "only crucifix jewelry" rule was heavily abused.

    The aim was to look like a Roman emperor, which involved loud watches, big bracelets, and lots of rings.

    12. The only thing you learnt in Sex Education was, predictably, abstinence.

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    13. But your puberty chats were more graphic than Saw.

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    They were given to you in year 7, and detailed a ruthless account of everything that could happen to the female body in the next 60 years.

    14. If you got caught swearing, or blaspheming, you were done for.

    And Jesus Christmas you became an expert at avoiding either.

    15. There were at least four Theresas in your year.

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    16. Any male teacher who was younger than 40 automatically became the real focus of worship.

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    17. Every local boy thought convent girls were hot.

    18. But there was a strict "no hands" rule at any mixed function.

    19. Morning prayers always included a dirty word.

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    Students were in charge of choosing the prayer each morning, which meant more references to a "SHAFT of light" than you care to remember.

    20. The novelty of being presented with a Bible soon wore off.

    21. The Devil was always referred to as Satan or Lucifer.

    22. Convents came with a lot of merch.

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    Backpacks, blazers, boaters: if it was big enough to smack an emblem and "Sub Marae Nomine" on it, it became part of your uniform.

    23. Studying R.E. was compulsory.

    Which meant that your year's token atheist had her work cut out for her.

    24. And The Prince of Egypt was played at least once a year for "revision".

    25. Ash Wednesdays launched the annual competitions of who could keep the mark on their forehead the longest.

    As part of the service, the priest puts a cross on everyone's forehead using ash. Seasoned professionals left it there all day and were considered the height of cool.

    26. And your sole aim during Confession was to freak out the priest.

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    27. But hey - you've got a first class ticket to heaven!

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