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    May 1, 2020

    I Watched The Movie That "Westworld" Is Based On And It Was A Ride

    Some personal news: I am now horny for James Brolin.

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    1. I know the TV show is based on the movie but I don’t know much more than that. I wonder if the story and characters will be similar?


    2. Okay, the company running the park called is called Delos. 


    3. There’s Medieval World and Roman World in addition to “Western World”. That’s different from the show.


    4. This woman has just been to Roman World and her favorite thing was the men. I see you, Janet Lane.

    5. “It’s the realest thing I’ve ever done.” How very William of you, sir. 


    6. The park costs $1000 a day? That doesn’t seem like much for what it is.


    7. Okay I just googled and apparently it’s the equivalent of $5,813.40 now. I guess that’s pretty expensive but also not, like, sex robot and murder expensive?


    8. The most unbelievable part of this whole franchise is the fact that Delos doesn’t charge an extra fee per murder/fuck. 


    9. Young James Brolin! He is...so handsome. 


    10. So we have two guys arriving in Westworld – sorry, Western World – one (James Brolin) is more experienced than the other (moustache guy). Moustache Guy is all wide-eyed and nervous about his first time in the park. This is giving me big Logan and William from Season 1 vibes.

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    11. Roman World is set in Pompeii?! Yikes. 


    12. I’m obsessed with the ‘70s take on futuristic. It’s all very Austin Powers. 


    13. Everything about the robots is indistinguishable from humans, except their hands? That does not make sense to me. How have the designers managed to perfect human faces and genitalia but not the creases in their goddamn hands?


    14. The hand thing feels like it will be relevant later though. 


    15. What, no private dessing suite to transform into a cowboy? It looks like a sweaty locker room. This is discount Westworld. 


    16. James Brolin really is so handsome. That hair!


    17. “Julie would have loved all this.” I thought for a second Moustache Guy’s ex had the same name as William’s wife but she was Juliet, not Julie, wasn’t she? 


    18. Wow James Brolin looks goooooood in that cowboy outfit. 


    19. I know I just keep talking about James Brolin's hotness but he really is just so hot.

    20. I don’t know if it’s just, like, the old movie vibe, but Westworld is pretty goofy as a concept when you think about it.

    21. “I feel silly.” Moustache Guy, that’s because you look pretty silly. 

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    22. Hello Yul Brynner! I see he’s the bad guy cowboy robot.


    23. Oooh his eyes are glowing. That seems significant.


    24. Goodbye Yul Brynner! Now he’s the dead guy cowboy robot.

    25. Moustache Guy actually managed to get over his nerves and shoot him!
 Is he gonna go all evil like William now?

    26. Here’s the Maeve character! Her name is Miss Carrie.
 I miss Maeve.

    27. “You fellas new in town?” Ooft I was just waiting for her to say “not much of a rind on you.” 


    28. Ooooh now the sex robot’s eyes are glowing! Is she gonna murder Moustache Guy while they’re doing it?


    29. No she is not. Damn. 


    30. More and more robots are “malfunctioning”.
 This can't be good.

    31. This scientist guy talking about the malfunctions spreading through the robots like an infectious disease hits a little too close to home right now. 


    32. “In some cases, they’ve been designed by other computers. We don’t know exactly how they work.” That’s not concerning at all. 

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    33. No women work at Delos apparently. It’s a wall-to-wall sausagefest. 


    34. Here’s James Brolin being handsome again.

    35. And Yul Brynner is back! And Moustache Guy killed him again!


    36. I feel like this won’t end well for Moustache Guy. 


    37. Wait, Moustache Guy got arrested for murdering Yul Brynner? What kind of amusement park is this?


    38. We've got a jailbreak happening.
 Fun.

    39. I’m halfway through this movie and I think I’ve heard a woman speak maybe three lines.


    40. This movie is much funnier than I was expecting though.

    41. James Brolin got attacked by a robot snake! Things are getting worse. 


    42. Of course the men running the park don’t want to shut it down. Wouldn’t want to lose any money.


    43. “We can ensure their safety. Everything’s fine.” Famous last words.

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    44. Unlike the show, the engineers are covering the robots’ bodies with sheets when they work on them. Guess they didn’t have the boob budget of HBO. 


    45. There’s only half an hour to go, when do the actual murders start happening.


    46. HERE WE GO A MURDER IN MEDIEVAL WORLD. FINALLY.


    47. Yul Brynner is back again! You better watch out, Moustache Guy. 


    48. The engineers can’t shut the robots down. They’ve lost control. This is getting good.


    49. OMG YUL BRYNNER SHOT AND KILLED JAMES BROLIN?!??!? I was honestly not expecting that. 


    50. Moustache Guy is as shocked as I am.


    51. Why are these engineers just sitting there watching people getting murdered by robots?


    52. Oh they’re locked in the control room. 


    53. The pixelated vision is an interesting take on the robot’s point of view. 


    54. I wish I cared more about Moustache Guy. Yul Brynner is pursuing him and I’d be happy for him to shoot the moustache off his face tbh. 

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    55. Moustache Guy has found his way to the control room. All the engineers died?! Did they overheat? 


    56. Yul Brynner is in full terminator mode. He just won’t be stopped.

    57. Where are the rest of the insane robots though?


    58. The glowing eyes on Yul Brynner really are creepy. 


    59. Moustache Guy threw acid in his face and it did nothing but piss him off more.


    60. His skin is melting off! Gross. I love it. 


    61. Why is Moustache Guy walking away so casually? RUN, MY GUY. RUN. 


    62. Lol the battery on Yul Brynner’s gun ran out? Maybe his battery will run out soon too.


    63. Wait, is that what happened to the rest of the robots? 


    64. Moustache Guy set Yul Brynner on fire and all I can think about is the stunt person inside those flames. That would be so scary.

    65. Moustache Guy is now rescuing a girl and she is 100% gonna be a robot. CHECK HER HANDS, MY GUY. CHECK HER HANDS.


    66. He offered her a drink of water and she short-circuited. So he could have just thrown water on OH MY GOD YUL BRYNNER IS BACK AND HE’S ALL CHARCOAL AND SCARY ARGH.

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    67. Why won't he die?!

    68. Wait. Now he’s dead.


    69. And Moustache Guy survived? Did not see THAT coming. 


    70. That was a very entertaining movie but not that deep. The show really ~elevated~ the concept.


    71. Meanwhile Michael Chrichton really loves the whole “amusement parks gone wrong” thing. This was literally Jurassic Park but with robots. 


    72. Now I’m off to watch more of James Brolin’s early work because wow. Did I mention the handsome?

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