27. Jaime and Cersei – Season 1, Episode 1
Jenna: Rewatching this scene reminds me just how much this show has fucked me up. When I first saw it, I was completely disgusted by the idea of incest and thought Jaime was the worst character on the show. Now – well, I'm still completely disgusted by the idea of incest, except in the specific context of Jon and Daenerys, which, let me tell you, is not where I thought I'd be, but here I am. Oh, and also, Jaime is one of my favourite characters. But this scene? Yeah, this is scene is still gross. I mean it ends with a small child being pushed out of the window, for crying out loud. Wait, why do I love Jaime again? 0/10
Crystal: Ah, the incest scene that kicked off the whole show! I don't think I'm alone when I say this made me say, "EW. WHY?!" Still does. 0/10
Rating: 0/10
26. Jaime and Cersei – Season 4, Episode 10
Jenna: This relationship is so damn toxic. Cersei is blatantly manipulating Jaime here, and I hate it. I can't believe we had to wait three more seasons before they finally broke up. 0/10
Crystal: I will never like Jaime and Cersei sex scenes for, well, obvious reasons. Sure, they may have some of the most passionate sex scenes on the show, but...you guys, this is just fucked. 0/10
Rating: 0/10
25. Theon and Yara – Season 2, Episode 2
Jenna: Oh god, I had scrubbed this from my memory. Nooooooo. Nope. Nope. Nope. No. No. 0/10
Crystal: For me, this is one of the most cringe-worthy scenes in Game of Thrones. Sure, when it was happening, we didn't know this was Theon's sister Yara (neither did he!). But YIKES. 0/10
Rating: 0/10
24. Cersei and Jaime – Season 7, Episode 3
Jenna: It's kind of funny watching this after having rewatched the Loras and Renly scene from Season 1 – Renly talks about Robert getting a boner when thinking about murdering Daenerys, and here's Cersei with a murder boner of her own. Jaime and Cersei's relationship is as toxic as ever, but this scene gets one point from me for Jaime's butt. 1/10
Crystal: Nope! Don't like this. 0/10
Rating: 0.5/10
23. Stannis and Melisandre – Season 2, Episode 2
Jenna: LOL, every time Dany and co. stood around this table in Season 7, it reminded me of this scene. I know Stannis has his fans, but sadly I am not one of them. This scene does nothing for me. 2/10
Crystal: As ~interesting~ as doing it on a giant stone table/map looks, I can't imagine it actually feels good. It would probably be cold, plus things would probably poke you in places that you wouldn't want them to!!! 4/10
Rating: 3/10
22. Ramsay and Myranda – Season 4, Episode 6
Jenna: Ugh, these two are absolutely vile. It almost pains me to say, because Iwan Rheon is in what I consider one of the best sex scenes of all time on Misfits. But this? No. I honestly find it hard to watch any scene Ramsay is in, I despise him so much. 1/10
Crystal: Considering Ramsay is just so evil, it's hard (no pun intended) to get behind this scene. But this is a pretty boilerplate sex scene and while I can't say I love it, there isn't anything inherently wrong about it. 6/10
Rating: 3.5/10
21. Theon and Ros – Season 1, Episode 5
Jenna: RIP to Theon's serious cock, which gets its own appearance in this scene. It's pretty gratuitous, but it does a good job of highlighting Theon's insecurities and his backstory. Still, it is not hot. Ros looks utterly over it, and I don't blame her. Theon is pretty awful here. 2/10
Crystal: One of the rare times we actually saw male full-frontal nudity on Game of Thrones! This sex scene is pretty basic, TBH — I mean, this is a business transaction we're witnessing after all. Also, Theon is a total prick to Ros here, so boo! 5/10
Rating: 3.5/10
20. Salladhor Saan and two unnamed women – Season 4, Episode 6
Jenna: I forgot about this scene. What happened to Salladhor? Also, what happened to Davos's wife? Anyway...this is fine? Not particularly interesting or sexy. 4/10
Crystal: Sadly, there's not a lot of action in this scene — it's mostly boobs and old bathwater. So...eh. Also, the bathhouse prostitutes totally ruined Salladhor's story/joke, which is just plain rude. 4/10
Rating: 4/10
19. Loras and Olyvar – Season 3, Episode 5
Jenna: This scene is hard to enjoy, because I know Olyvar is just spying on Loras, and Loras is being really, really stupid. Olyvar's butt is pretty great though. 4/10
Crystal: From a visual standpoint there's a lot of good stuff to enjoy here, but the fact that Olyvar's motivation is purely nefarious makes me sad for Loras. 4/10
Rating: 4/10
18. Littlefinger, Ros, and an unnamed woman – Season 1, Episode 7
Jenna: This is the scene that really put Game of Thrones' sexposition on the map. And it reveals SO MUCH about Littlefinger's character, not to mention his backstory with Cat, Brandon, and Ned. It's striking to rewatch it and hear him say, “what we don’t know is usually what gets us killed”, given recent events. And oh yeah, there's two beautiful women having sex the whole time he's talking. It's weirdly compelling. 6/10
Crystal: This is the closest that Game of Thrones ever came to being porn... Oh wait, this really is just porn, LOL. You'd think this would give it an automatic 10/10, but Littlefinger's dialogue during this scene is hilariously distracting and, IMO, makes things prettttty awkward/creepy. 2/10
Rating: 4/10
17. Tyrion and Ros – Season 1, Episode 1
Jenna: This is the perfect introduction to Tyrion. The scene is really entertaining, and I like that it also shows off how intelligent Ros is. But boy, am I glad they gave up on trying to make Tyrion look this blonde. His hair is distractingly bad. 3/10
Crystal: Ah, this is a classic. That blonde Lannister hair on Tyrion! Ros! Winter town's brothels! Although most of the action is off-camera (which is honestly fine sometimes), it's still a pretty solid sex scene. 6/10
Rating: 4.5/10
16. Podrick's orgy – Season 3, Episode 3
Jenna: So we don't see any actual sex, but this scene will go down in history as the day Big Dick Pod was truly born. Seriously, I want juicy details just as much as Bronn and Tyrion. 5/10
Crystal: POD. What a way to lose your virginity – in a giant orgy! Although we don't really get to see much "action" per se, we do get introduced to something called a "Meereenese Knot." I like how this scene is wild without really showing much. 5/10
Rating: 5/10
15. Bronn and an unnamed woman – Season 3, Episode 1
Jenna: Alright Bronn, I see where this is heading. Too bad Pod is a cock-blocker. 5/10
Crystal: First of all, I love anything with Bronn. Second, it's a nice change of pace that this is just like a chill, almost romantic (?!) scene. Sure, there's no actual sex, and Bronn is rudely interrupted by Podrick, but it seems pretty clear that Bronn was on his way downtown to pleasure his lady friend. So generous! 6/10
Rating: 5.5/10
14. Renly and Loras – Season 1, Episode 5
Jenna: There's more talking in this scene than actual sex. But looking back, it's kind of amazing to see how much is set up here – Robert's hunting trip, the line of succession, the Tyrell vs Lannister competition, Renly's kindness and also his ambition, Loras's devotion to him...ugh. I miss these two. 5/10
Crystal: This is an interesting scene. It's a slow burn to get to the actual sex in this scene, but the fact that Loras is shaving Renly's body is definitely very intimate. It's also a nice flashback to cuter times...for both of them. 6/10
Rating: 5.5/10
13. Tyrion and Shae – Season 1, Episode 9
Jenna: This is a great scene – I love the line "let's start with your last night in this world". But it's hard to enjoy in hindsight, knowing how much these two will hurt each other. 6/10
Crystal: It always makes me sad when I see Shae! That being said, this is a pretty sweet sex scene between her and Tyrion and reminds me of happier times (for him). 7/10
Rating: 6.5/10
12. Sam and Gilly – Season 5, Episode 7
Jenna: What a sweet scene. They've both been through so much, and they love each other a lot. The way Gilly is so ~careful~ with the injured Sam is really touching. But I can't help but laugh at Sam's "oh, my!". Such a polite sex noise. 6/10
Crystal: The thing I love about this sex scene is that Sam and Gilly show you you can have a DAMN good time without even taking your clothes off! Also, man these two are so pure. How sweet is it that Gilly makes sure not to hurt him? 7/10
Rating: 6.5/10
11. Viserys and Doreah – Season 1, Episode 4
Jenna: This is a classic piece of Game of Thrones sexposition. Viserys gives us a nice history lesson about dragons while fucking Doreah and, look, I'm kinda into it. The steam from the bath really works in their favour. It's too bad Viserys is such a creep. 6/10
Crystal: On the one hand, I hate Viserys. On the other, you can really feel the chemistry between him and Doreah in this scene. Not to mention, there's a lot of good double entendre going on with his story about dragons ("As you got closer to the Iron Throne, they got bigger, and BIGGER..."), so points for that, LOL. 7/10
Rating: 6.5/10
10. Dany and Daario – Season 5, Episode 7
Jenna: I was hoping Dany would be wearing her hair down like this when Jon came a'knockin in Season 7 – it's the prettiest her wig ever looks. Anyway, this is a sexy, sweet scene for the most part. It's nice to see Dany smiling and giggly for a change. Daario really is such a babe. 7/10
Crystal: There's a little too much talk and not enough action, IMO. Still, anything involving these two is usually 🔥 and their romantic chemistry is always off the charts. 6/10
Rating: 6.5/10
9. Dany and Drogo – Season 1, Episode 2
Jenna: Uhhhhhhhhh, I am so conflicted about this scene. It is really hot, and an important turning point in not only Dany and Drogo's relationship, but also in Dany's character arc. It's the first time she feels any semblance of power and it changes everything for her. BUT. I hate that he raped her prior to this. It makes it hard for me to get really into it. Even though Jason Momoa's butt is glorious. 6/10
Crystal: First of all, Khal Drogo's butt needs to be appreciated. Second of all, this is a great sex scene because it's a huge turning point for both their relationship and Dany as a person...with power. Also appreciating that this is one of the few sex scenes in Thrones where the dude is naked and not the lady. 8/10
Rating: 7/10
8. Dany and Daario – Season 4, Episode 7
Jenna: Get it, Dany. This scene might not actually have any sex in it, but it's sexy as hell. The way Dany is just kind of like "fuck it, I'm gonna have some fun" and takes command of the situation is great. I also enjoy how it's so focused on her gaze. And Daario has an A+ butt. 7/10
Crystal: Sometimes the hottest sex scenes are ones that have almost no actual sex in them – and this is one of them. I mean, Daario's butt reveal in this scene is as iconic as Daenerys riding Drogon. 7/10
Rating: 7/10
7. Dany and Jon – Season 7, Episode 7
Jenna: Every single man Dany has fucked has had a spectacular butt. She knows how to pick 'em. Listen, I am 100% Jonerys trash. I've shipped them from the beginning, before I knew they were related and now – frankly, I don't really care. I mean, this show has made me love a man who pushed a child from a tower (hi, Jaime!) and cheer for the death of another child (fuck Olly!), so here we are. And they don't know, and Targaryens are incestuous, and blah blah blah, don't @ me. This is fucking hot. These two characters have been through so much, and their parallel journeys have been leading up to this point. Neither thought they'd find love again, and that pause where they're kind of overwhelmed by it all is pretty powerful. In a show that's about defeating death personified, these two taking a moment to seize life is brilliant. And yeah, it won't end well, as the parallels between Rhaegar and Lyanna, and Bran's ominous narration, handily remind us. I only wish we'd been able to see a bit more. Not to be totally pervy (much), but getting a visual of at least the first kiss would have been a great emotional payoff. Still, I love this scene. 9/10
Crystal: I really wanted to ship Jon and Dany, I did. But I just can't get over the incest thing. Sure, it's better than Jaime and Cersei's relationship, plus it's not like Jon and Dany know (yet), but still. Eh. All this aside, I felt like this scene was super quick and like didn't have much build-up! But I WILL give this some serious points for Jon Snow's butt...because it's basically perfect. If they weren't related 8/10, but because they are 5/10.
Rating: 7/10
6. Loras and Olyvar – Season 5, Episode 1
Jenna: This is definitely Loras's hottest sex scene. I wish he got a decent one with Renly, tbh. This is hard to watch knowing that that little birthmark conversation will really fuck everything up for House Tyrell, but for the moment it's sexy and intimate. At least until Margaery walks in, giving no fucks. (I MISS HER.) 7/10
Crystal: There's pillow talk, hot action, lots of skin, and even a bit of comedy – what's not to like? Unfortunately, the "oh, no, my sister just walked in!" bit really takes you out of it. And, for that reason, I have to dock this scene a bit. 8/10
Rating: 7.5/10
5. Oberyn, Ellaria, Olyvar, and two unnamed women – Season 4, Episode 3
Jenna: Oh Oberyn, my beautiful, bisexual prince. He was on the show for such a short period of time but made SUCH an impact. It's too bad the Dorne storyline went waaaaaay downhill after his death. But wait, back to the orgy. It's pretty great, until Tywin Lannister walks in. 7/10
Crystal: This was definitely one of the more memorable sex scenes on Thrones. Orgies will do that, I guess. I mean, really, this was just a nice menagerie of beautiful people and body parts – like, there was a little something for everyone (both in the scene and in the audience), which is just very thoughtful of the writers! 8/10
Rating: 7.5/10
4. Robb and Talisa – Season 2, Episode 8
Jenna: Two beautiful people bumping uglies. What more could you want? It's passionate, sweet, and joyous, which is exactly what was needed given the horror to come. 8/10
Crystal: This sex scene has a lot of great stuff: nudity, an INSANE amount of passion, and a bearskin rug. With a winning combination like that you cannot go wrong. This scene is crazy hot, LOL. 9/10
Rating: 8.5/10
3. Robb and Talisa – Season 3, Episode 7
Jenna: Lol, remember when everyone thought Talisa was a spy and writing secret coded letters in this scene? Good times. Meanwhile, Robb and Talisa are so happy here it makes my heart hurt. But also, they're both incredibly hot. And sweaty. In a good way. A really good way. 8/10
Crystal: Now here's another proper sex scene. I mean, you can literally see the sweat on Robb's chest! And you know the sex Robb and Talisa are having is GOOD because they go back for a second round almost immediately. 9/10
Rating: 8.5/10
2. Jon and Ygritte – Season 3, Episode 5
Jenna: God bless Jon Snow and his first instinct being to go down on a woman. I love this scene. It's sweet, and warm, and charming, and funny, and beautiful and ugh, I sometimes wish they had both just stayed in that cave. It only loses a point because it's a stunt double's butt, and we know Jon's real butt is even better. Also the "when was the last time you had a bath?" line coming AFTER they've had sex is a disturbing reminder of how much everyone probably really stinks in this world. But yeah, overall, this is a lovely scene. 9/10
Crystal: This has to be one of the most iconic sex scenes – if not the most – in Game of Thrones. And it does absolutely everything right: a beautiful location, an INSANE amount of chemistry (that bled over into real life!), and...HELLO, "that thing" Jon did with his mouth?!?! IT. DOES. NOT. GET. BETTER. THAN THIS. 10/10
Rating: 9.5/10
1. Missandei and Grey Worm – Season 7, Episode 2
Jenna: This is a stunning scene. It's sweet AND sexy, and such a wonderful payoff for these two characters who have been bonding on the sidelines for seasons. I wish Dany and Jon's scene had been given this much attention, tbh, because their relationship is ultimately more important in the grand scheme of things. Meanwhile, it feels kinda weird that so much time was devoted to Missandei and Grey Worm here, only to have their storyline basically dropped by the end of the season. Like, we didn't even get to see them reunite after he returned from Casterly Rock?! The narrative is so inconsistent. Still, I have no complaints about this scene itself. I adore these two. 10/10
Crystal: I am 110% here for this sex scene. It's so super rare on Game of Thrones to find a couple in love (who aren't related) getting the chance to hook the eff up. Also, loving the way the show handled Grey Worm's situation. Everything about this is so pure, passionate, and hot (obviously). 10/10
Rating: 10/10