back to top

Proof Rebel Wilson Is Lying About Her Age

ILLUMINATI.

Posted on

Media in Australia are reporting today that Rebel Wilson, who is currently killing it in Hollywood, is actually lying about her age, name and background.

They're saying the actress is actually 36, not 29 as she claims, and that her real name is Melanie Elizabeth Bownds.But BuzzFeed can exclusively reveal that Rebel is actually much, much older than that - in fact, our investigation proves she is ANCIENT.
Jason Merritt / Getty Images

They're saying the actress is actually 36, not 29 as she claims, and that her real name is Melanie Elizabeth Bownds.

But BuzzFeed can exclusively reveal that Rebel is actually much, much older than that - in fact, our investigation proves she is ANCIENT.

1. The earliest source we could find on Rebel was these Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images / Via en.wikipedia.org

2. And then we discovered she was AT THE LAST SUPPER.

Is she an angel?! OR A VAMPIRE?!!!!
Getty Images

Is she an angel?! OR A VAMPIRE?!!!!

3. She pops up in artwork throughout history.

4. She took what appears to be the world's first selfie.

5. The woman has been everywhere.

6. And done everything.

7. Here she is starring alongside Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Paramount

8. She toured America with The Beatles.

AP Photo

9. HERE SHE IS ON THE GODDAMN MOON.

No spacesuits for her. A CAPE IS ALL SHE NEEDS.
Rex USA / Jason Merritt / Getty Images

No spacesuits for her. A CAPE IS ALL SHE NEEDS.

In conclusion: Rebel Wilson is a flawless, ageless queen and we should all bow down.

Because she will outlive us all.
Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Because she will outlive us all.