The Men Of Jane Austen, Ranked From Trash To Would Smash

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Austen men Can Get It. (Unless they're Mr. Collins.)

20. Mr. William Collins (Pride and Prejudice)

BBC, Universal

Jane Austen's most repulsive invention. Not only is he misogynistic and old-fashioned, but he's the kind of guy who spends all day talking about his interests without asking you anything about your own. Hard pass.

19. Mr. John Thorpe (Northanger Abbey)

BBC, ITV

This guy is Jane Austen's version of a frat dudebro who cares more about conquests than about being a decent human being. A total gaslighter. No, thank you.

18. Mr. Philip Elton (Emma)

Miramax, Working Title

Gross, gross, gross. Conniving, self-centered, arrogant, and fake. He doesn't deserve anyone's thirst.

17. Capt. James Benwick (Persuasion)

BBC

Oh, Capt. Benwick. An emo king. You've gotta have sympathy for him, what with all the mourning and everything...right up until he snaps out of it at the first sign of a pretty face. Hmmmmm.

16. Mr. William Elliot (Persuasion)

BBC

Look, he's opportunistic and a bit of a gold digger, but he's not the worst. At the very least, he recognizes Anne's awesomeness without knowing who she is, so he gets points for that.

15. Mr. Edmund Bertram (Mansfield Park)

Miramax, ITV

Edmund is such a drip. Like, he's super horny, but he's also deeply ashamed of that fact. He'd stop mid-smash to angst about the morality of it all and/or cry.

14. Mr. George Wickham (Pride and Prejudice)

Universal, BBC

Listen, George Wickham is sexy. I get it, Lizzy, I really do. But he's also a total creep, not to mention a liar. In George Wickham's world, he always comes first. Booooo.

13. Col. Brandon (Sense and Sensibility)

Sony, BBC

He's handsome and good, sure. But it's just a bit off-putting that he goes after a teenager who reminds him of his dead ex, no?

12. Capt. Frederick Tilney (Northanger Abbey)

BBC, ITV

He's hot. Absolute trash. But hot trash.

11. Mr. Frank Churchill (Emma)

Miramax, Working Title

Handsome, charming, flirtatious...and, unfortunately, a bit of a waste of time. He talks big, but he'd be as self-centered in the bedroom as he is in the rest of his life.

10. Mr. Charles Bingley (Pride and Prejudice)

Universal, Cross Creek Pictures

So handsome and sweet, but he'd definitely apologize and ask you if you were okay every second stroke.

9. Col. Fitzwilliam (Pride and Prejudice)

BBC

Col. Fitzwilliam is such a nice guy, yet there's more to him than meets the eye. You just know he'd treat you right.

8. Mr. Tom Bertram (Mansfield Park)

Miramax, ITV

Tom is drunk most of the time, but he's also kindhearted, if a bit clueless. Let's be real: He'd be good at sex, and that's what counts here.

7. Mr. Edward Ferrars (Sense and Sensibility)

Sony, BBC

Edward is good-looking and extremely lovely, but then there's the whole "already engaged" problem. Of course he tries to do the right thing, so that makes up for it...mostly? Let's face it: He's just not super exciting.

6. Mr. John Willoughby (Sense and Sensibility)

Sony, BBC

Another man in the "trash, but hot trash" category. Willoughby is all passion, which is great as long as you're prepared to be ghosted.

5. Mr. Henry Crawford (Mansfield Park)

Miramax, ITV

Henry Crawford is one of Austen's horniest characters while also being the least trash of her trash men, and low-key Fanny Price would have been better off with him than with her actual cousin Edmund. Henry would have given her an orgasm for once in her life, at least.

4. Mr. Henry Tilney (Northanger Abbey)

BBC, ITV

Henry is witty and funny, he's a great dancer, AND he pays attention to muslin! He'd notice if you got a haircut and forgive you for doing silly things like, oh, believing his father murdered his mother. What a guy!

3. Mr. George Knightley (Emma)

Miramax, Working Title

It says a lot about how swoon-worthy Mr. Knightley is when we all collectively ignore the kinda creepy way he plays a part in raising Emma and shaping her personality. But also, I mean, who doesn't want to hear him say "Badly done," ya know?

2. Capt. Frederick Wentworth (Persuasion)

BBC

Capt. Wentworth is undoubtedly Austen's sexiest hero. This man can get your heart (and other body parts) racing with a simple LETTER — imagine all that passion in the flesh. He can pierce my soul, alright.

1. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

BBC, Universal

There's a reason Mr. Darcy has endured as Austen's most popular hero — and one of the most popular romantic heroes of all time. He's hot. Especially when wet. But, like, his brain is sexy too? And who can resist his huge...grounds. The man is the total package, and you just know there's a whole lot of heat waiting to be unleashed from underneath that stiff collar. Hello, Mr. Darcy.