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27 Tweets That Will Make Women Piss Themselves Laughing

"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side."

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1.

*at my funeral* Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets

2.

me after having a five minute conversation with a drunk girl im meeting for the first time

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3.

I can’t believe women used to have to wear shoulderpads, i’m so grateful menstruation moved to the vagina in the 90s.

4.

o yeah u love women??? name their last three albums. thought so. u don't listen to women

5.

I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want

6.

Do men like being kicked in the sack? Women in new survey given after being shown this headline say yes.

7.

The Venn diagram of men who say women take too long to get ready and men who ask if you're sick when you're not wearing makeup is a circle.

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8.

9.

Birth control pills are like cute little advent calendars for a really shitty holiday.

10.

Me: I look great today Fluorescent lights: I can fix that.

11.

Focus group. This could have been avoided with 1 focus group (of women).

12.

if you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side

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13.

Me: I know exactly where I want to eat Inner me: Tell him you don't know

14.

I always feel like I'm forgetting something whenever I leave the house carrying less than like 9 purses full of garbage

15.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, b/c I didn't immediately get out of his way as he was walking towards me & now he's perplexed.

16.

How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra

17.

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18.

When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT.

19.

Behind every strong woman is 5 other strong women who proofread her email real quick when they had a second

20.

You can complain all you want about women taking selfies; we aren't the ones naming our children our own exact fucking names.

21.

When you shave for the first time in months.

22.

20 Things That Women Should Stop Wearing After The Age of 30 1-20: The weight of other people's expectations & judgments

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23.

When someone does you wrong then tries to come back into your life but you already told your mom about them

24.

If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.

25.

are you even a girl if you don't tell people you're wearing jeans and a nice top ????

26.

Beauty & the Beast review 1. I'd fuck Gaston 2. I'd fuck the Beast 3. I have not had sex in a very long time 4. I will fuck the kettle

27.

"How do you find anything in here?!" -my mugger, giving my purse back

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