I Watched "Paddington 2" For The First Time And Had A Lot Of Thoughts
Can now confirm it's better than Citizen Kane.
You might have heard that Citizen Kane was recently dethroned as the greatest movie of all time by none other than Paddington 2.
1. Oh no, they’re opening with a flashback of Pastuzo? I’m going to cry.
2. Pastuzo and Lucy were planning to go to London! I wonder why they didn’t make it?
3. OMG, here comes baby Paddington in need of rescue.
4. Ohhhh, they didn’t go to London because they adopted Paddington. SOB.
5. Why did he call them aunt and uncle, though, when really they were his adoptive parents?
6. BABY PADDINGTON IS SO CUTE.
7. I see the electric toothbrush joke has carried over from the first movie. I’m not mad about it.
8. Paddington pouring tea straight from the pot into his mouth is a mood.
9. OK, the son in this family has aged like 10 years.
10. This neighborhood is so cheerful and bright! It does not feel accurate to what I know of London life.
11. To be fair, I’d be quite cheerful if I was greeted by a talking bear in a red hat and blue coat every morning.
12. Well that, or terrified.
13. The girl creating a newspaper with no boys allowed is very much something I would have done as a teenager.
14. The description of how the family is doing is very funny.
15. CUTE DOGGY.
16. Aunt Lucy is 100? How long do bears live?!
17. I just googled it. It is…not 100 years.
18. I hope Aunt Lucy gets to come to London before the movie is over.
19. This illustrated pop-up book is so charming!
20. This fantasy sequence of Paddington taking Aunt Lucy on a trip around pop-up London is making me want to weep.
21. “One and a half bears,” PLEASE.
22. He got a job at the barber's so he can buy his aunt the pop-up book; this is so wholesome I can’t bear it (heh).
23. Paddington is going to give a haircut — what could possibly go wrong?
25. He’s going to lose this job.
26. How did I know he’d try to stick the old dude’s hair back on with marmalade?
27. NOOO, DON’T LICK HIS HEAD, PADDINGTON.
28. Aw, he got fired.
29. Hugh Grant playing a past-his-prime actor is delightfully meta considering where he was at before his most recent renaissance.
30. Paddington is so innocent that he’s accidentally savage, and it’s beautiful.
31. Hugh Grant knows about the pop-up book and knows something Paddington obviously doesn’t.
32. I just really, really want to cuddle Paddington.
33. Paddington as a window cleaner — what could possibly be wrong?
35. There’s SO much physical comedy in this.
36. Aw, the flirtation between the grumpy colonel and the newsstand lady is cute.
37. OK, that was definitely Hugh Grant stealing the pop-up book.
38. I am very stressed that this book is going to go in the water.
39. Paddington has been blamed for the break-in, and he looks like he's going to cry, and I’m right there with him.
40. Oh, so Hugh Grant’s character, Phoenix, is completely unhinged. It’s very convenient for exposition.
41. The book is the key to hidden treasure — I SEE.
42. Oh, no, the judge is the guy whom Paddington gave a bad haircut!
43. Of course Phoenix was an eyewitness! HE LITERALLY DID THE CRIME.
44. TEN YEARS IN PRISON. OUTRAGEOUS. SAVE PADDINGTON.
45. SOMEONE READ HIM A BEDTIME STORY.
46. He’s only allowed to see his family once a month! My heart!
47. ...I was not expecting so many feelings in Paddington 2.
48. “I do hope they won’t forget me” — punch me right in the heart, why don’t you?
49. Phoenix drawing on the pop-up book is hurting me.
50. The pink uniforms DO brighten up the place a bit, Paddington.
51. Knuckles is Mad-Eye Moody! There are so many stars in this movie.
52. “Forget the medic. Better send a priest.” OMG, somebody protect Paddington.
53. “Nobody squirts condiments on my apron.” Iconic line.
54. The marmalade sandwich has saved the day. Understandable.
55. I am here for dramatic flashbacks.
56. Oh my god, the magician sabotaged the aerial artist lady! I bet he is Phoenix’s ancestor.
57. I appreciate that the bored illustrator is finding an adventure in illustrations.
58. Very here for the grumpy/sunshine dynamic of Knuckles and Paddington.
59. Oh, NO, Knuckles did not just insult Aunt Lucy.
60. I really need some marmalade.
61. “A nun went beserk. It happens.” This script is wonderful.
62. I didn’t know I needed to see Hugh Grant gallivanting around St. Paul’s in nun drag, but here I am.
63. “An unusually attractive nun. Stop that stunning, Sister.”
64. They’re all so happy with their marmalade sandwiches.
65. The prisoners cooking together is very wholesome, and, also, all that food looks incredible.
66. This is now the most aesthetically pleasing prison in history.
67. Mr. Brown is bagging out all of these prisoners thinking they can’t hear him. They can totally hear him.
68. “We can still hear you, Mr. Brown.” PERFECT.
69. OMG, the neighborhood is so grumpy without Paddington. So this is the real London then.
70. At least the colonel and the newsstand lady are still flirting.
71. YEAH, YOU TELL THE MEAN OLD MAN, WOLFIE.
72. FEATHERS THE PARROT KNOWS PHOENIX IS EVIL.
73. OMG, the young headshots of Hugh Grant. What a dreamboat.
74. MARY, DON’T TELL PHOENIX YOUR PLAN.
75. Didn’t know I needed Hugh Grant singing, “Pit pitty pat,” but here I am.
76. “Dazzling blue eyes” — oh, Phoenix, you played yourself.
77. Yes, Mary, you’re on to him.
78. “Let’s just assume I’m wrong.” “Okay.” Excellent line delivery.
79. Paddington, don’t listen to Knuckles. Don’t break out — be patient!
80. Joanna Lumley! Everyone is in this.
81. I love the family heist that’s happening right now.
82. “Nice buns by the way!” loool.
83. “Mr. and Mrs. Botty Cheek” is the only acceptable name for buttcheeks from now on.
84. “We haven’t broken anything.” *immediately breaks something*
85. “It’s a perfectly normal — oh my god, he’s a weirdo.” I love this movie so much.
86. Oh, no, Phoenix has busted them in his house.
87. The Browns did NOT cover that up well at all.
88. This is possibly Hugh Grant’s greatest performance of all time.
89. Oh, no, the Browns missed visiting Paddington. He’s going to think they’ve forgotten him!
90. My heart cannot handle Paddington’s sad eyes.
91. “Even the Browns have forgotten me.” Paddington noooooooooo.
92. A homemade hot-air balloon? Even the prison escape is charming. Stressful, but charming.
93. The prisoners BETRAYED Paddington. Unforgivable.
94. Now Paddington is a fugitive. Poor Paddington!
95. OMG, the treasure was hidden in the carnival attraction we saw in Phoenix’s first scene! Of course.
96. “This is a refuse emergency.” Exquisite dialogue.
97. I love all the neighbors helping.
98. “Stay low, and remember, you’re a bin.” Same, Paddington.
99. “Quite good at being a bin.” SAME, Paddington.
100. “I have just been spilled upon by chilled liquid.” This movie is just full of iconic lines.
101. The criminals are definitely gonna help Paddington. They can’t let that betrayal stand.
102. “Grandfather.” Ah-ha, I knew that evil magician was Phoenix’s ancestor!
103. This is a very creative use of toffee apples. Paddington is basically in The Matrix.
104. Oh, wow, the treasure is actually there!
105. Mr. Brown’s yoga has come full circle!
106. I appreciate Phoenix falling onto a pile of bears.
107. Mrs. Bird is a badass.
108. Paddington is in a runaway train car, and I am stressed.
109. Ahhhh, he’s underwater. I feel like I can’t breathe.
110. Mrs. Brown is diving in! I love how everything that was introduced about the family’s activities at the beginning actually has relevance to the plot. Excellent payoff!
111. I know Paddington is not going to die here, but the implication he MIGHT, right in front of Mrs. Brown’s eyes, is horrifying.
112. THE CRIMINALS HAVE COME TO SAVE HIM. YES.
113. Paddington, I love you.
114. AUNT LUCY IS HERE. IN LONDON.
115. I AM GOING TO CRY.
116. *UNCONTROLLABLE SOBBING*
117. I love that the criminals were pardoned and Knuckles started a sandwich shop called Knuckles' Sandwiches. Amazing.
118. Everyone got a happy ending!
119. Except Phoenix Buchanan, who even lost his dog food endorsement. Beautiful.
120. Oh, wait. He’s happy in prison. OK, this works.
121. I didn’t know I needed Hugh Grant dancing in a sparkly pink prison uniform, but HERE I AM.
122. And he learned to work with others! Character growth.
123. “A captive audience.” Lol.
124. This movie is perfect. The Citizen Kane of movies. Or should I say the Paddington 2 of movies now?