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    Posted on 13 Jul 2017

    I Rewatched Season 5 Of "Game Of Thrones" And I'm Really Not OK

    The season is dark and full of terrors.

    Previously: I rewatched Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, and Season 4.

    Episode 1: "The Wars To Come"


    1. So Season 5 is my least fave season of Game of Thrones, but we’ll see if that changes upon rewatching.

    2. The Bolton sigil over Winterfell in the opening credits is not a good start.

    3. Ohhh I do like the flashback to Cersei’s encounter with Maggy the Frog.

    4. “The King will have 20 children, and you will have three.” So they added Robert’s extra bastards, but not the extra baby Cersei and Robert supposedly had together that they didn’t have in the book?

    5. I’m curious as to why the show left out the Valonqar part of the prophecy. I wonder if it won’t be relevant, or if they thought it would spoil too much. 

    6. That bell tolling as Cersei walks up to the Sept is a nice tie into the Shame Nun and the Walk of Atonement that will end the season. And by nice, I mean fucking brutal.

    7. Cersei is so horrible to Jaime.

    8. Imagine how much Tyrion would stink right now.

    9. They use Illyrio’s home but don’t bother to bring him back. I wish he had more of a role in the show.

    10. Tyrion heads straight to the wine. Classic Tyrion.

    11. Ah Dany, defacing monuments, such a ~benevolent~ conqueror.


    12. RIP to that poor Unsullied who just wanted to be cuddled.

    13. I hate the whole Sons of the Harpy plotline.

    14. Missandei has never looked so disappointed.

    15. Olly has been hit with the puberty stick.

    16. “Keep your shield up, or I’ll ring your head like a bell.” MY STARK HEART.

    17. Melisandre swanning around in her dress, not feeling the cold, is such a contrast to where she ends up in Season 6, out of faith and freezing AF.

    18. “They were born on the wrong side of the Wall. It doesn’t make them monsters.” INDEED, Jon. 

    19. I wish Stannis had the chance to mount Roose Bolton’s head on a spike.

    20. Lol, Jon Snow is shook at the thought of wildlings fighting in Stannis’ army. Just you wait, Jon. 

    21. Lancel’s back! And he’s had a makeover.

    22. Cersei’s so dismissive of the Sparrows. Ah ha. Ah ha ha ha ha ha.

    23. Margaery was always 10 steps ahead of everyone. Sob.

    24. “Who said anything about him?” That line from Varys still gives me goosebumps.

    25. There’s one good part of the Meereen storyline. Dany’s amazing dresses.

    26. Oh wait, there’s two good parts. The second is Daario’s butt.

    27. Come on. Dany. Those dragons are just pissed you locked ‘em up. (Same.)

    28. Two mentions of the “wars to come” in the one episode. Appropriate, given the episode title, I suppose. 

    29. Jon Snow mercy-killing Mance makes me love him even more.

    Episode 2: "The House Of Black And White"


    30. Ugh I’m not really into Arya’s whole Braavos storyline. 

    31. Sansa! Go with Brienne! Go with her now!

    32. Poor Brienne. All she wants to do is protect those Stark girls, and they’re so ungrateful.

    33. Jaime looks really hot in his new red jacket.

    34. Ah, Dorne. The worst executed storyline on the whole damn show.

    35. “I’m not my father.” Mmmmm but you sure do take after him at times, Dany. Worryingly so. 

    36. Kevan is my third favourite Lannister, purely for calling Cersei out here. 

    37. Shireen taught Davos to read, and now she’s teaching Gilly. This little precious baby potentially had some of the biggest influence over Jon Snow’s future.


    38. Speaking of little precious babies with big influence over Jon Snow’s future, here’s Lyanna Mormont’s note! Although she’s less of a precious baby and more of a SAVAGE QUEEN. 

    39. Jon Snow is like, “ho don’t do it”. Sam just ignores him. 

    40. This is a good speech from Sam. Especially the bit where he shames Janos Slynt.

    41. The poor third guy, served his whole life in the Night’s Watch and gets hardly any votes.

    42. Jaqen is back! Oh man, I was so excited about that the first time. Shame he wasn’t REALLY Jaqen.

    43. Killing this guy is one of the stupidest things Dany ever did.

    44. Aw, Drogon came because he could sense Dany was in danger. He sees she’s alright and is like, “well, I’m outta here again.”

    Episode 3: "High Sparrow"


    45. Uggggh, the Waif, uggggh. 

    46. BB Tommen got tall. Just how old is he supposed to be in the show at this point? 

    47. Nah, I don’t need to see sex scenes involving him, thanks guys. This makes me so uncomfortable. 

    48. “Does Queen Margaery sound strange to you?” “SO strange.” Margaery, you liar. 

    49. Poor Tommen, torn between Margaery and Cersei, who really just want to tear each other apart. 

    50. The veiled insults from Margaery are so fucking good. But oh, this won’t end well. 

    51. Those flayed bodies make me clench. 

    52. “We don’t have enough men to hold the North if the other houses rise up against us.” Hmmmm. Hmmmm. 

    53. Watching Sansa head towards Winterfell, and Ramsay, makes me want to curl up and cry already.

    54. How dare you Littlefinger, you goddamn arsehole. 


    56. “There’s no justice in the world. Not unless we make it.” Well, I’m glad she learned that lesson, at least. I hope her quest for justice turns itself onto Littlefinger next. 

    57. I love Brienne and Podrick bonding time. 

    58. This is such a nice Renly story. I kinda miss Renly. 

    59. “One day I will avenge King Renly.” One day SOON, Brienne. 

    60. Look at Jon, so proud of Olly. It hurts. Oh, it hurts. 

    61. It would have taken so much for Jon to turn down Stannis’ offer of legitimisation. 

    62. Davos’ first advice to Jon was about fighting the Boltons. This goddamn show.


    63. “Who are you?” Oh boy I’m sick of hearing that already.

    64. At least Arya finally got a change of clothes. 

    65. I’m glad she kept Needle. 

    66. Poor Sansa, returning home to see it covered in Bolton banners, ruled by the man who murdered her brother.

    67. My skin is actually crawling at Ramsay kissing her hand.  

    68. Sexuality: Jon Snow saying “that was a command, not an offer”. 

    69. Janos is SHOOK Thorne stepped aside and didn’t protect him. 

    70. I just rewatched that shadow shot of Jon Snow 10 times to see if there was anything significant in it. Apparently not.

    71. Here we have the Walk of Shame number one. 

    72. It’s so interesting to watch Cersei literally set up her own downfall. 

    73. Oh, I hate the High Sparrow. 

    74. He looks like he really, really smells. 

    75. “The faith and the crown are the two pillars that hold up this world. One collapses, so does the other.” This is the second time we’ve heard this from Cersei. And now she’s obliterated the faith. Sooooo is the crown not far behind?

    76. Littlefinger seriously fucked up, handing Sansa off to Ramsay while apparently knowing nothing about him. It seems out of character for him. 

    77. Jorah, don’t act like you’re not in that brothel for the Dany kink.

    Episode 4: "Sons Of The Harpy"


    78. I see you Jaime, looking affectionately at Tarth. MY HEART. 

    79. I don’t truly believe Jaime will attack Tyrion if he sees him again. 

    80. “The small council grows smaller and smaller.” “Not small enough.” I wonder if it’s small enough for Cersei now?

    81. Loras deserved better.

    82. “A bastard by some tavern slut.” “Perhaps, but that wasn’t Ned Stark’s way.” STANNIS KNEW. I mean, he didn’t KNOW, but he KNEW. 

    83. “Her father’s blood runs through her veins.” I never noticed that significant look between Melisandre and Selyse about Shireen before, but damn I feel sick now. 

    84. Melisandre senses the king’s blood in Jon!

    85. “I still love her.” Oh Jon. 

    86. “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” JON IS SHOOK. Same.


    87. “You are the Princess Shireen of House Baratheon, and you are my daughter.” This would be such a touching scene if I didn’t know he was going to have her burned alive in five episodes. 

    88. Sansa finding the feather Robert left at Lyanna’s grave is a nice touch.

    89. As a massive R+L=J fan, not only is this scene significant, I’ve also watched it approximately 10,000 times thanks to fan videos. 

    90. I hope we get to see a flashback to Harrenhal in Season 7.


    92. I’ll never get over that Littlefinger just left Sansa with the fucking Boltons. 

    93. Bronn wants to die in his own castle, and Jaime wants to die in the arms of the woman he loves. Let’s remember that for when they both inevitably die in this show.  

    94. I’m so tempted to skip through all the Dorne scenes. 

    95. “Rhaegar never liked killing. He loved singing.” Yas, Ser Barristan, tell me more.

    96. This is SUCH an R+L=J episode and I am living for it. 

    97. “Go Ser Barristan. Sing a song for me.” Now I’m getting emotional.

    98. Nooooo Ser Barristan no. No no no no no.

    Episode 5: "Kill The Boy"


    99. Well, that’s a nice treat for the dragons.

    100. Maester Aemon saying, “a Targaryen, alone in the world. It’s a terrible thing”, followed by Jon walking in, IS EVERYTHING. I see you, Game of Thrones. I see you.

    101. And so Brienne’s watch begins.

    102. Miranda is a biiiiiiiiiitch.

    103. Sansa is wearing her very Northern clothes again.

    104. Ramsay is such a bastard. In every sense of the word.

    105. Poor Theon. Poor Sansa. Uggggh.

    106. I love Roose pulling the rug out from under Ramsay. The satisfaction is somewhat dampened knowing what will happen later.


    107. What a DELIGHTFUL father/son bonding moment. All this talk of rape and murder. Fucking Boltons.

    108. “Gilly. Look at me.” Now I’ve got one word for you, Gilly. 

    109. Gilly being so clueless about the Citadel right now will make it so much more satisfying if she’s the one that finds something there in Season 7. 

    110. I wonder if Jon will go to Dragonstone this season to find the dragonglass Stannis mentions here (and/or to try to ally with Dany).

    111. “This could turn to winter at any moment.” *two seasons later winter finally arrives*

    112. Grey Worm and Missandei’s love story is so beautiful. They NEED a happy ending. They deserve it. WE deserve it.

    113. Don’t go through Valyria, Jorah! Don’t do it!

    114. The moment Tyrion first sees Drogon is so damn good. 

    115. Meanwhile this stone men scene is creepy AF.

    116. I really hope Jorah finds a cure.

    Episode 6: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken


    117. Ugggh, the Waif, ugggh. 

    118. “I hated him.” I am here for Arya’s mixed-up feelings about the Hound.

    119. “Does she truly want to be no one?” No. A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, dammit!

    120. Poor Jorah, finding out about his father’s death like this.

    121. I still want to understand more about how the magic of the Faceless Men works in the show. But also, not really, because I don’t want it to eat into the storyline any more than it already has. 

    122. I love that Tyrion’s way of saving himself hinges on how big his cock is.

    123. Aw. These scenes with Myrcella and Trystane are kinda sweet. Too bad for them that they live in Westeros, where no one gets a happy ending. 

    124. Let’s just pretend this water garden fight never happened, shall we?

    125. Olenna to the rescue! Except… not really. SOB.


    126. I love watching Cersei and Olenna go toe to toe. 

    127. I haaaaate this scene with the High Sparrow questioning Loras and Margaery.

    128. Cersei is so smug. It will blow up in her face… and then LITERALLY in everyone else’s.

“Have you ever seen a body after the dogs have been at it?” Not yet, but SHE WILL. 

    130. “I’m Sansa Stark of Winterfell. This is my home, and you can’t frighten me.” Such a powerful, triumphant moment for Sansa. It’s a shame it’s completely undermined by the following scenes.

    131. Oh no. Oh no no no no no. I’m not ready for this wedding. I’M NOT READY FOR THIS MARRIAGE. 

    132. Nope. I’m actually not going to watch this scene again. I refuse.

    Episode 7: "The Gift"


    133. That bro-hug between Sam and Jon is so strong.

    134. I see you Olly, and you Ser Alliser, glaring away. GTFO. 

    135. No, no, no, I can’t stand to see Sansa in pain like this. 

    136. I love hearing Sansa tell Theon he’s Theon. Too bad he’s not ready to hear it yet. 

    137. That reveal when Theon walks through the door is such a punch to the gut.

    138. “Egg. I dreamed that I was old.” I’m a mess. RIP Aemon. :(

    139. He must be the only character on this bloody show to die of old age.

    140. Sansa’s already identified Ramsay’s weakness about being a bastard.

    141. The old woman being flayed is so, so awful. 

    142. Aaaand here is where everything really starts to go to shit for Stannis. 

    143. Shoulda listened to Davos, Stannis the Mannis. 

    144. “I have seen myself walk along the battlements of Winterfell. I have seen the flayed man banners lowered to the ground.” Yeah, but maybe you should’ve waited to see what banners were rising in their place, eh Mel?


    145. Stannis’ immediate rejection of Mel’s suggestion to burn Shireen is very heartening EXCEPT IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN. 

    146. Ghost to the rescue! Oh sure, use him when it’s CONVENIENT. Not when it makes SENSE FOR PLOT AND CHARACTER REASONS. 

    147. Sam’s finally getting lucky. Nothing like nearly getting raped/killed to put you in the mood. 

    148. I love Daario. I might miss him, a bit, in Season 7. 

    149. Tommen right now reminds me of that scene in The Lion King where little Simba tries to roar and it just kinda comes out as a meow.

    150. Poor, poor bb Tommen. 

    151. “I would do anything for you. Anything to keep you from harm. I would burn cities to the ground.” Well you fucked one part of that up, Cersei. 

    152. Aesthetic: Olenna Tyrell threatening Littlefinger. 

    153. Dany’s fighting pit look is ICONIC, and the eyeroll is her best accessory. 

    154. Say “Khaleesi” three times, and Jorah appears. 

    155. “I am the gift.” YEAH YOU ARE, TYRION. 

    156. I’m so mad at this treatment of Margaery.

    157. That’s Cersei’s “oh shit” face. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU PLAYED YOURSELF. 

    158. There’s our fave Shame Nun. 

    159. “Look at my face. It’s the last thing you’ll see before you die.” Cersei is probably the only person in this show to actually consistently deliver on her promises.

    Episode 8: "Hardhome"


    160. I love Tyrion worming his way into Dany’s good graces. He gives her great advice.

    161. I’m feeling strangely satisfied that Cersei’s suffering the punishment she subjected the Tyrells to. I know I’ll feel bad in two episodes, but here I am. 

    162. Poisoning is so not Arya’s style of killing. 

    163. Oh NOW Cersei wants Jaime. 

    164. This scene between Sansa and Theon is gut-wrenching. 

    165. “I don’t need an army. I need 20 good men.” Sigh. 

    166. “Not a single person who shares your blood is alive to support you. The Starks are gone as well…” Tyrion you’re right about a lot of things, but wrong on both those counts.

    167. “I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.” *looks around nervously at all my faves on that wheel*.

    168. Oh my god Jorah, stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.

    169. Sam once again saying something to Olly he’ll use against Jon. 

    170. “He always comes back.” Nice foreshadowing.

    171. Oooh here we go. Hardhome. This is gonna be gooood.

    172. Look at Jon, majestic AF with the wind blowing in his hair.

    173. Tormund hacking into the Lord of Bones is very satisfying.




    176. “At least we’ll give the fuckers a fight.” Jon, I thought you said you weren’t a bleedin’ poet.  

    177. “I fucking hate Thenns.” Yet another reason I love you, Karsi.

    178. Yep, as soon as she put those girls on that boat and didn’t join them, I knew she was a goner. 

    179. The tension in this scene is so well done. 

    180. Sexuality: Jon Snow pulling out his sword. That’s not a euphemism. 

    181. “Night’s Watch, with me!” God, I love Jon.

    182. Karsi is such a fierce fighter. I wish she stayed around longer.

    183. Jon Snow searching for the dragonglass is like me searching for my shoes when I’m running late in the morning. 

    184. That White Walker can’t believe Jon’s sword stopped him. It’s such a good reveal.


    186. I can’t believe they lost so much dragonglass.

    187. Lol remember when we thought that hooded figure was ~somebody~. Like Gendry? Lol.

    188. COME AT ME BRO.

    189. Soooo… the White Walkers and wights can’t swim?

    Episode 9: "The Dance Of Dragons"


    190. *Grabs extra wine for episode 9*

    191. Stannis, I see you. DON’T DO IT.

    192. Olly, I see you. DON’T DO IT.

    193. My heart can’t take this farewell scene between Davos and Shireen. 

    194. Ellaria’s characterisation is a mess. Like… Oberyn died in a trial by combat that he VOLUNTEERED FOR and would have won if he weren’t so cocky. It’s not like he was murdered. This revenge plot is ridiculous. 

    195. Prince Trystane is a cutie.

    196. Ugggh Meryn Trant is vile. 

    197. Noooooo, Shireen, noooooooo. 

    198. The way she’s crying out for Stannis and THERE HE IS. It’s heart-wrenching.



    200. (I do but I DON’T RIGHT NOW.)

    201. Stannis you really fucking fucked up.

    202. On another note, Dany’s cape dress is iconic.

    203. Tyrion is not here for this pissing competition, lol. 

    204. “My father would have liked you” is Tyrion speak for “I hate you”. 

    205. Jorah is relentless.

    206. Sexuality: Daario saying “shut your mouth”.

    207. Bye Hizdahr. Can’t say I’ll really miss you. 

    208. I Iove the moment Dany grabs Missandei’s hand.  

    209. DROGON TO THE RESCUE. He’s so much smaller than he is in the Season 7 promo. 

    210. Seriously how did the others get out of this mess after Dany abandoned them?

    Episode 10: "Mother's Mercy"


    211. That’s what you get, Stannis!

    212. Melisandre is shook to her very core. Aaaand she deserts him, too. Why is her instinct to go straight to the Wall?

    213. Jon: You’re my only friend here. Sam: So I’m gonna go. 

    214. “I’ll learn about history, strategy, healing… other things.” WHAT OTHER THINGS???

    215. Stannis’ troops look so miserable and pathetic.

    216. Brienne has been there for weeks, and the minute she turns her back, Sansa lights the candle. This goddamn show. 

    217. Yes, Sansa! Yes, Theon! RUN. 

    218. Arya killing Trant is like some horror movie shit.
 I love it.

    219. Her kill is so centred around her identity, too. She tells Trant he’s “no one” – this is why she could never have been “no one”. She sees it as a degradation.


    220. So Jaqen says the faces are poison if you’re still “someone” buy Arya used a face in Season 6 as “someone” soooo is that gonna come back to bite her, or nah?

    221. Nice father/daughter moment between Jaime and Myrcella, just in time for her to die. 

    222. LOL @ this scene of Dany’s crew just sitting there sadly in the period. “Guys… she’s coming back right?”

    223. Varys has finally caught up with the plot!

    224. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Dany will be fine.

    225. Have I mentioned how much I hate the High Sparrow?

    226. Cersei’s Walk of Atonement is so awful. 

    227. For a second, I forgot Jon’s betrayal was coming. :(

    228. You can actually see Davos’ heart tearing in two over Shireen.

    229. You little fucker, Olly.

    230. Meanwhile look at Jon getting so excited about news of Benjen. I hope he gets to see him again in Season 7. They can bond over being undead. 

    231. Olly was not worthy of Jon Snow’s love. 

    232. OK, so this rewatch has confirmed Season 5 is NOT my fave. But I’m so happy I can keep binging and continue on to Season 6 right now.

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