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The Honey Badger Just Said The Grossest Thing About Oral Sex And I Want To Spew

Can't believe this guy is our Bachelor.

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I'm going to be real with you: when I first heard Nick "The Honey Badger" Cummins was going to be Australia's next Bachelor, my instinctive reaction was a hard NO THANK YOU.

But I was told by several people that I'd totally come around to the sensitive soul underneath the ocker bravado.

Paramount

I'm here to tell you that The Bachelor hasn't even started yet but I'm done reserving judgement. ALL OF THE JUDGEMENT is happening after the Honey Badger appeared on The Kyle and Jackie O Show.

When Kyle Sandilands (ugh) asked how he felt about giving oral sex (ugggggh) the Honey Badger had this to say:

“If they come out of the shower in a nice little bloody nightie, I tell you what, it’s bloody – strap it on. Strap the feed bag on for sure.”

That sound you hear is ovaries all over Australia simultaneously shrivelling up and DYING.

Disney-Pixar

First of all – is showering a prerequisite here? Way to reinforce the idea that women's bodies are gross, my guy!

Second of all, "feed bag" has to be the least sexy visual metaphor for oral sex I have EVER HEARD.

Is the Honey Badger the horse in this scenario? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!

But wait, there's more! When asked about whether he was ever tempted to have sex with the contestants, the Honey Badger said:

“I’m a red-blooded male. When you’re in a spa and you’ve been locked up for a few months, and you’ve got some cracking sort on your lap who you’re starting to connect with on a few levels, all of a sudden you’re bloody exchanging saliva – and obviously one things leads to another...and then all of a sudden the producers come in and bloody separate you for some flamin’ reason...When I told the crew to pack up and turn the lights off, I think they got the idea."

And when Sandilands straight-up asked "were you hard most of filming?", the Honey Badger responded:

“Mate, I had something a cattle dog couldn’t chew through.”

EXCUSE ME?!

Marvel

BTW, if you're wondering if his general thoughts on women are any better, here are some of the things he had to say about the the contestants on the show:

“They’re dressed up like pet lizards.”

“I’m not that good at picking crazies from normals.”

So glad he is being held up as some kind of romantic ideal women should compete for! In 2018! It's just great!

Ten

Ugh.