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There's Gay Dinosaur Erotic Fiction And We Read It So You Don't Have To

Oh, there's ghost unicorns too.

Jenna Guillaume
by Jenna Guillaume

BuzzFeed Staff, Australia

This is Chuck Tingle (DEFINITELY his real name). He's an ~author~ who writes erotic fiction involving gay dinosaurs and unicorns.

According to his Amazon bio, he's also a tae kwon do grandmaster with a Ph.D. Apparently he's a stock image model too, because what other explanation could there be for his photos showing up on stock image sites?

This is Tingle's a/s/l.

Chuck The Tingler @ChuckTingle

@JennaGuillaume M/43/Billings thx.

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Chuck The Tingler@ChuckTingleFollow

@JennaGuillaume M/43/Billings thx.

3:37 AM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

And these are Tingle's "tinglers". Naturally as soon as I saw these masterpieces I had to read them.

amazon.com

So, joined by my friend Mat, I embarked on a butt odyssey of Jurassic proportions.

First we had the story of Jeremy, owner of a "gay ass" and former owner of a pet triceratops turned billionaire cabaret dancer, Oliver.

amazon.com

Even though dinosaur and human relationships are frowned upon (what a world!), Jeremy finds he can't resist his rich former pet when Oliver takes him out. In fact, they skip right over dinner and go home to have fun with Oliver's triceracock. This story just raised so many questions, like: How do dinosaurs kiss? Are triceracocks scaly? And why the hell would you skip dinner if your billionaire former pet dinosaur is paying?

mat whitehead @matwhi

Chattin to triceratops bae

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mat whitehead@matwhiFollow

Chattin to triceratops bae

10:26 PM - 27 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Jenna Guillaume @JennaGuillaume

@matwhi Also does Mr Tingles just pull a bunch of words out of a hat. How else do you get gay billionaire cabaret dancing triceratops

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Jenna Guillaume@JennaGuillaumeFollow

@matwhi Also does Mr Tingles just pull a bunch of words out of a hat. How else do you get gay billionaire cabaret dancing triceratops

10:10 PM - 27 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Next there was Donny, who ended his first day at his new job at Jurassic Law by having a gangbang with a bunch of T-Rexes.

amazon.com

Basically Donny's boss, Tyson Rex, pulls out a contract that will allow the partners at the firm to "run a T-Rex gangbang train on Donny Sullivan's gay human ass for the sum of ten million dollars even" (this is a direct quote). And Donny is so tired from his hard day filing paperwork he's like, Oh well can't do anything about it and goes along with it, even though he insists he isn't gay and doesn't want to have sex with dinosaurs. Of course he loves it in the end, but really it's 50 shades of dinosaur wrong.

Jenna Guillaume @JennaGuillaume

@matwhi he's just their sex slave now? "Oh I'm so excited about law I'll work as a secretary nvm just use me as a sex toy"

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Jenna Guillaume@JennaGuillaumeFollow

@matwhi he's just their sex slave now? "Oh I'm so excited about law I'll work as a secretary nvm just use me as a sex toy"

10:12 PM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Then there was Lance, an astronaut stuck alone in space for a year who gets lucky when he meets an astro-saur.

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According to Space Raptor Butt Invasion, dinosaurs didn't actually go extinct - they learned how to travel through space! There's a lot of ~world building~ in this one (like, three whole pages), but of course it finally all comes to banging - despite Lance's protestations that he's NOT gay. He is basically a personification of #nohomo.

mat whitehead @matwhi

@JennaGuillaume 2 pages in and he hasn't even popped a boner. What is this? Tolstoy?

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mat whitehead@matwhiFollow

@JennaGuillaume 2 pages in and he hasn't even popped a boner. What is this? Tolstoy?

6:09 PM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Jenna Guillaume @JennaGuillaume

@matwhi "I mean, it's not gay if it's a dude raptor and a dude human, right?" DUDE

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Jenna Guillaume@JennaGuillaumeFollow

@matwhi "I mean, it's not gay if it's a dude raptor and a dude human, right?" DUDE

6:18 PM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

But Tingle's tinglers are more than just dinosaurs - he also writes erotic fiction about unicorns. GHOST unicorn colonels, to be precise.

amazon.com

My Ass Is Haunted By The Gay Unicorn Colonel is about Roger (a human), who has been obsessed with ghost hunting ever since his unicorn lover Paulo died. He hits the jackpot when he stays in this old southern bed and breakfast where he discovers a ghost unicorn Civil War colonel. The colonel informs Roger that his dead unicorn lover Paulo is haunting his butt (disappointingly making the name of the book somewhat misleading), and wants to use the colonel as a proxy to take that haunting to a-whole-nother level, if ya know what I mean. So that's what happens and it's ~magical~.

Jenna Guillaume @JennaGuillaume

This was deep. @matwhi

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Jenna Guillaume@JennaGuillaumeFollow

This was deep. @matwhi

9:40 PM - 27 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

There's also football-playing unicorns. A whole squad of them.

amazon.com

In Pounded By The Gay Unicorn Football Squad, Aaron is a closeted human playing for an all-unicorn football team. He decides to be brave and come out, telling the world he's not a unicorn. Apparently they didn't notice his lack of horn, hooves, or general horsey features. Anyway, his daring confession attracts the admiration of his teammates, and they commence in a "massive, team-wide romantic relationship with one another" (actual quote). In other words, there's a massive, team-wide gangbang.

Jenna Guillaume @JennaGuillaume

@matwhi lol at him looking up to a sea of erect unicorn dicks

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Jenna Guillaume@JennaGuillaumeFollow

@matwhi lol at him looking up to a sea of erect unicorn dicks

6:43 PM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

mat whitehead @matwhi

@JennaGuillaume I'm sitting in Kings cross station reading a unicorn gangbang ebook. Mum will be so proud.

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mat whitehead@matwhiFollow

@JennaGuillaume I'm sitting in Kings cross station reading a unicorn gangbang ebook. Mum will be so proud.

6:45 PM - 29 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Finally, we move on from unicorns and dinosaurs to the story of a bigfoot - the first to become president, actually - and the journalist who captured his heart (but here, heart means dick).

amazon.com

Allen is a hotshot journalist-blogger whose skills involve being a young hot gay man (that's basically what his resume says). He nabs an interview with President Gardook Yuldok, a bigfoot. Except here "interview" means "sex", which Allen discovers to his delight, despite the fact bigfoot-human relations are taboo (even presidents can't erase all prejudices). Because you know what they say about big feet (yes, this line is in the book).

mat whitehead @matwhi

Manners are so important

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mat whitehead@matwhiFollow

Manners are so important

10:46 PM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Jenna Guillaume @JennaGuillaume

@matwhi there's an official presidential butt plug

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Jenna Guillaume@JennaGuillaumeFollow

@matwhi there's an official presidential butt plug

10:50 PM - 28 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

And so concludes our Jurassic journey into Tingle's ~tinglers~. Check them out here, or follow Tingle on Twitter - where he follows only one person: Taylor Swift.

Chuck The Tingler @ChuckTingle

@taylorswift13 please follow# back my son #is a huge fan

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Chuck The Tingler@ChuckTingleFollow

@taylorswift13 please follow# back my son #is a huge fan

11:41 AM - 26 Jan 15ReplyRetweetFavorite