Recently I've been revisiting the movies I was obsessed with as a teen (and pre-teen). I couldn't go further on my journey down memory lane without a stop at the most iconic '90s teen movie of them all: Clueless. Here's how that experience went down...
1. This is such an iconic opening with “Kids in America” playing over the Noxzema montage.
2. To this day I do not know what Noxzema is.
3. This montage makes you think Cher’s actually friends with Amber. I guess they’re ~frenemies~.
4. How is it 2018 and we still don’t have an app that does what Cher’s computerised wardrobe does?
5. I don’t understand why she needed it to tell her to pair the skirt with its matching blazer, though.
6. “Don’t tell me those brain-dead low-lifes have been calling again.” “They ARE your parents.” Lmao.
7. They did such a good job of modernising Emma’s concern for her father’s health from Jane Austen's book. (As well as, you know, the whole story.)
8. It’s a testament to just how good this movie is that it wasn’t destroyed for me by being forced to study it in high school.
9. Lol I just noticed Lucy hiding behind the door.
10. “Just a Girl” is playing! What a soundtrack.
11. “I totally paused.” Oh god I can still quote this movie off by heart.
12. Remember when Iggy Azalea convinced us she was good for, like, five minutes by copying Clueless?
13. I always thought they was saying “I’m outie” and my mind was blown when I learned they were actually saying “I’m Audi”.
14. “Is it that time of the month again?” RUUUUDE.
15. Cher being disgusted with the creepy guys around her is the most relatable she ever gets.
16. The HAIT-I-ANS.
17. I mean, Cher’s speech makes sense.
18. Amber has never heard of analogies.
19. I used to do that “Whatever” sign all the time.
20. “I can’t find my Cranberries CD”. A more ‘90s sentence has never been spoken .
21. Omg the old-school cell phones!
22. Yes Cher, your house is indeed classic.
23. Okay, I totally forgot Josh’s first line was “Oh wow, you’re filling out there”. Josh, no.
24. Omg I have not seen Beavis and Butthead in yeeeeears.
25. That couch is quite big and he sat right next to hear. I see you, Josh.
26. I love that Cher puts so much effort into setting up Mr Hall with Ms Geist when it would have taken way less energy to just, you know, do her homework.
27. “Ooh Snickers”. Mooooood.
28. “Duh, it’s like a famous quote.” “From where?” “Cliff’s notes.” God this movie is incredible.
29. Travis’ speech about his tardy track record is so good.
30. I still compulsively buy fluffy pens whenever I see them and it’s 1000% because of this movie.
31. Omg Josh’s goatee is truly gross.
32. Say Marky Mark again.
33. “I fully attend to break for animals”. Every damn line in this movie is perfect.
34. Oh, except for that one using the R-word.
35. “Legs crossed towards each other, that’s an unequivocal sex invite”. This movie taught me everything I know about flirting.
36. Elton is so handsy, ugh.
37. I love that Cher’s dad is proud of her for manipulating people lmao.
38. This scene of all of the girls trying to get out of P.E. is so damn real.
39. “My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me to do any activity where balls fly at my nose.” “Well there goes your social life.” That went waaaaaay over my head when I was younger.
40. Oh Brittany Murphy. :(
41. “I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment.” That ALSO went over my head.
42. Murray’s speech about street slang is iconic.
43. Marvin the Martian was so popular in the ‘90s. Why was that?
44. Oh, right, Space Jam.
45. Tai and Travis are so cute.
46. Cher pulling rank because she’s one month older is so high school it hurts.
47. The high school hierarchy really is the closest thing in modern times to 19th century England.
48. I think about Dionne’s line about makeovers giving Cher a sense of control in a world full of chaos every time I do my make-up.
49. Tai looks SO CUTE.
50. “My buns. They don’t feel nothin’ like steel.” I think about THAT line every time I exercise.
51. I think about this movie a lot.
52. Josh looks so dreamy watching her! HIS EYES KILL ME! AND THAT LITTLE SMILE!
53. I never realised how many diet references were in this movie. Boo.
54. “I wanna do something good for humanity.” “How about sterilisation?” Ooft, that’s dark.
55. This movie taught me the meaning of “sporadically”, and I think about it every time I use that word (which is, well, sporadically).
56. “Do you guys think that Travis is gonna be at the party?” Tai, honey, he literally just invited you.
57. This whole cast is so good looking. Even Elton with his goddamn dimples!
58. This photo thing is probably the only plot point that doesn’t quite translate from Emma. Like, it never made sense to me why Elton would admire Cher's photography skill THAT much that he’d have a photo of Tai in his locker.
59. Omg Murray and Dionne are arguing over an actual map. If it was 2018 they would both just be yelling at Siri for giving bad directions.
60. Cher: *gives Tai boy advice* 11-year-old me: *takes extensive notes*.
61. Elton is the worst.
62. My friends and I did this dance Cher and Tai do ALL THE TIME, we thought we were so cool.
63. Cher is so harsh to Travis.
64. “Tai would have wanted you to enjoy the party.” She ain’t dead.
65. ROLLIN WITH THE HOMIES!
66. “I do NOT have friends who are girls.” This does not surprise me, Elton.
67. Uggggggh I hate him so much.
68. Alicia Silverstone is sublime in this movie, honestly.
69. I am so here for her backseat face-pulling at Josh’s pretentious date.
70. JOSH IS SMILING AT HER HE IS SO ADORABLE.
71. “The PC term is hymenally challenged.” Lmao.
72. “You see how picky I am about my shoe, and they only go on my feet”. Solid logic.
73. “Technically I am a virgin. You know what I mean”. I did NOT know what she meant for a long time.
74. Cher is right, ‘90s boy fashion was truly awful.
75. “I don’t THINK so”. The delivery of that line was *Italian chef kiss*.
76. I never got Cher’s interest in Christian tbh.
77. “Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.” Another thing I didn’t fully understand, but that informed so much of what I thought was ~sexy~.
78. I love that Josh acts annoyed with Cher, but does literally anything she says.
79. The way Josh is LOOKING at her as she walks down the stairs! GAAAAH!
80. It’s so hilarious that she ~covers up~ with a totally sheer top.
81. Her sparkly hair clip was, like, fashion goals to pre-teen me.
82. That knowing look from Mel! He ships it.
83. Omg the Mighty Mighty Bosstones!
84. Is it even a ‘90s teen movie without a surprise appearance by a band?
85. Christian’s tiny glasses are in again now and I hate it.
86. “She’s a full on Monet!” I actually use this descriptor on a semi-regular basis.
87. “Look how he ignores every other girl.” Oh, Cher.
88. I never understood why Tai didn’t just dance with Cher and Christian. This is the other bit that doesn’t translate quite so well from its context in Emma.
89. Josh is such an adorable dork.
90. Hahaha I never noticed that he spotted Christian dancing with that random guy instead of Cher.
91. I love how Cher’s so comfortable with Josh, in a way she isn’t with anyone else.
92. She’s gone from complaining about him being around to inviting him to stay.
93. “Josh you are NOT my brother.” Good thing they pointed this out at this juncture, hey.
94. Imagine how much Cher would have loved smartphones. She wouldn’t have to rely on polaroids to check what her outfits look like.
95. She looks AMAZING in that red dress.
96. Poor, clueless Cher.
97. The freeway scene! This haunted me when I was learning how to drive. I still think about it whenever I’m on a freeway.
98. I really, really do think about this movie a lot.
99. It’s weird to me that they keep the plot of Christian/Frank Churchill saving Tai/Harriet, but they don’t keep the ramifications of it – i.e. the confusion over who Harriet was in love with.
100. I guess they did use it to create a different, even more destablising effect on Cher – her sense of her place in the world is truly rocked by Tai’s sudden popularity.
101. It’s so heartbreaking when Tai is mean to Travis!!
102. Cher has finally realised she’s created a monster.
103. Hacky sacks! They really were a whole thing, weren’t they?
104. “You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” Brittany Murphy’s delivery of that line is devastatingly perfect.
105. That WAS way harsh, Tai.
106. I will forever associate “All By Myself” with Cher walking around LA feeling sorry for herself.
107. The realisation that she’s into Josh is perfect.
108. The montage! He really is so beautiful. A total Baldwin.
109. If this movie were made now, the hot guys would be called Hemsworths.
110. I had plaid pyjamas very similar to Cher’s. It was the closest I ever got to one of her outfits.
111. I like how Cher sees the good in all her friends.
112. Ewwww Elton is flossing in class.
113. Josh’s little smile! He’s so proud of her.
114. The bong thing is another joke that went way over my head when I was younger.
115. I’m so happy Cher and Tai made up.
116. Cher and Josh flirting at the table is killing me. KILLING ME.
117. The way he’s loooooking at her. I can’t.
118. Yessssss Josh, stick up for her!
119. His eyes are so dreamy, it’s too much.
120. THIS IS SO CUTE.
121. JOSH, YOU RIDICULOUS DORK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
122. This is SUCH an amazing scene.
123. I just rewound it to watch the kiss again three times in a row.
124. I mean, the way he grabs her!!!! It’s so!!! Much!!!
125. The wedding thing always struck me as a bit odd. I don’t think teachers would REALLY invite that many (or any) students to their wedding. Let alone have Cher as a bridesmaid.
126. Although I guess she was responsible for getting them together.
127. Cher’s hair looks soooo pretty in this scene. It was, like, my peak ‘90s hair goals.
128. The guys all laughing at the girl’s fighting over the bouquet is super adorable.
129. THE KISS! I CAN’T STOP GRINNING.
130. THE WAY HE PLAYS WITH HER HAIR! ASKLNVBAOUG&^@&%!.
131. I just rewound THAT kiss five times.
132. Oh man, such a fantastic movie.
133. How am I ever going to top it?
