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19 Answers Australia Has For America

"What's the deal with Vegemite?" STRAYA.

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1. Why is your money so colourful? And why is it made out of plastic?

Jemima: Why is your money all green? It makes no sense.

Brad: Our money is colourful because, well, why not? It’s easy to tell apart. It’s also different sizes, which helps when you’re 12 feet deep in a puddle of gin & tonic and trying to decipher what you owe the bar. They’re plastic (obviously) because they are then waterproof. And alcohol proof.

Jenna: Why ISN’T your money colourful? We can tell at a glance what our money is, there is no accidentally handing over a $50 instead of $5. The plastic means it doesn’t rip or crumble. IT’S SMART.

2. Did you really put kangaroos on your coins?

Jemima: What else would we put on there? Boring buildings like you guys?

Brad: Yes. Don’t act like you wouldn’t. You have the goddamn eagle on your passport.

Jenna: Not just kangaroos. Also emus, echidnas, lyrebirds and platypuses.


3. Wait, you eat them? So you put your food on your currency?

Jemima: Don’t tell us how to live our lives.

Brad: Ah, yeah? It’s about respect.

Jenna: We also put food on our coat of arms.

4. Is ANYTHING available in your country?

Jemima: Stop rubbing it in plz.

Brad: Oh yeah, there’s a whole bunch of stuff you don’t know about. We have our own internet and everything. We call it the outernet. It’s swell.

Jenna: I can't even talk about it, it's too upsetting.

5. You guys ever hear of shirts?

Jemima: No. Sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes its a bad thing.

Brad: You ever heard of the freedom of walking around without one on? Liberating, I tells ya.

Jenna: I think a lot of guys are allergic tbh.

6. How much bagged wine do you people drink?!

Jemima: One goon sack = like seven bottles. So we’re helping the environment with every goon sack we drink.

Brad: It's “goon,” not bagged wine. And we drink a reasonable amount. Enough so that at the end of the day we have a lovely, empty bag we can blow up and use as a pillow.

Jenna: I had my first taste two weeks ago, actually. I might be UnAustralian.


8. What’s with the Celsius? Who do you think you are? England?

Jemima: No, we’re like THE REST OF THE WORLD. What are you medieval chumps doing with Imperial?

Brad: Oh, you know - we just think we’re reasonable, normal people - just like the rest of the goddamn world. What’s with the Farenheit? Bigger isn’t always better.

Jenna: LOL. Like Farenheit makes any sense.

9. Why are your pharmacies called chemists? And why don’t they sell beer?

Flickr: newtown_grafitti / Creative Commons

Jemima: Why are your chemists called pharmacies? And why do you sell beer? IT'S A CHEMIST! A place you go to be healthy?!

Brad: I actually think we have both?

Jenna: We also say pharmacies but chemist works too - and it’s because, you know, chemistry. They don’t sell beer because beer is not for your health. Actually the opposite.

10. How are you this bad at baseball? (And why do you call it cricket?)

Flickr: 100780486@N02 / Creative Commons

Jemima: Pretty sure that cricket is the sport of Lords, so there’s that.

Brad: It’s a little trick we play so none of you ‘Muricans come to our beautiful country.

Jenna: Aw. It must be hard for you guys to be so crap at cricket.


11. Why do you call ketchup “tomato sauce”? (And charge for it?)

Jemima: Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but ketchup is actually made from tomatoes. A sauce made from tomatoes, if you will.

Brad: It’s called tomato sauce because that’s what it is. But I do agree that charging for it is goddamn awful. Hopefully less people do this.

Jenna: It’s sauce made from tomatoes. Why do you call it ketchup? But charging for it should be a CRIME.

12. Why do you call Burger King “Hungry Jack’s”?

Flickr: danw / Creative Commons

Jemima: What’s a Burger King? I don’t know what that means. And why do you call it Burger King if America doesn’t do monarchs?

Brad: We call it what we call it because we like calling it what we call it. Duh.

Jenna: Jack is really, really hungry.

13. Why are your large pizzas the size of our personal pizzas?

Jemima: Yeah, your pizza serving sizes almost make up for all the bad things about your country. Almost.

Brad: Because we are dumb. I envy you on this count, America. I envy you.

Jenna: Portion control?

14. Why are your pies filled with meat instead of fruit?

Jemima: Oh my god you guys suck stop trying to fill everything with sugar.

Brad: We have fruit pies too but it’s really only a holiday thing. Meat pies are great and warming and filling and wonderful. Think a burrito, but, like… a pie.



15. How is “high” your SECOND-LOWEST fire danger rating?

Jemima: Look at least we’re not covered in snow for half the year.

Brad: There’s a lot of fires. A lot. It’s hotter than sin down here some times.

Jenna: We don’t mess about.

16. Why is this something you’re proud of?! Get out of there!

Jemima: Every Australian actually has a fish tank sort of thing in our back yard where we keep spiders and breed different species together. Hopefully in ten years we’ll be up to 5000 different species.

Brad: Gotta be proud of what you’ve got.

Jenna: You’d be proud too if you survived this many spiders on a daily basis.

17. Why do your pigeons look like this?

Flickr: ultrakml / Creative Commons

Jemima: These are actually the worst things in the world and they’re definitely conspiring a global take over, so please be aware.

Brad: I hate these. I hate the ibis. I hate it so much. They look like that because God himself even hated them. They couldn’t deal.

Jenna: A Jurassic Park-like experiment. Don’t tell anyone.

18. How is the one creature that CAN’T kill you outlawed?

Jemima: Have you ever heard the phrase "going at it like rabbits"? I’ll let you jump to the conclusion on that one.

Brad: 'Cause they have a lot of babies. Oh, but they taste awesome.

Jenna: “Keep the rabbits out” - Australian proverb.

19. And seriously, what’s the deal with Vegemite?

Jemima: And what’s the deal with you guys putting CHEESE SPREAD in jars that don’t need to be refrigerated. And what's the deal with putting peanut butter and jam in the same jar. What’s the deal with all your crazy food?

Brad: The deal? The deal is that it’s incredible.

Jenna: It’s how we test if you’re actually awesome or not. If you don’t like the taste, you’re clearly faulty.