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8 Books For Loners

Who want to do nothing with nobody.

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"Remember how to make a spool tank? How to whip apples? What to do with a discarded umbrella?"

Um, what? You don't do anything with a discarded umbrella. You leave it there or you take it to a lost and found box, but that's it. Don't tell me you can have fun with somebody's forgotten umbrella. Just. Don't.

Get the book here.

"Me and My Shadows is much better than a drum set and, for many, will bring back memories of a simpler time when entertainment was in your own hands."

Much better than a drum set? Are you kidding? I hope you're kidding.

Get the book here.

"You don't have to be crazy to talk to yourself!"

If you're not crazy already, you will be once you start talking to yourself. For a smooth first conversation, avoid the topic of high school at all costs.

Get the book here.

"So whether you're new to the paranormal or have spent many years talking to yourself in the dark, this book is for you."

I would be a little concerned if you've spent many years talking to yourself in the dark, and with things that aren't there. If this is the case, you should probably turn yourself in for all those murders.

Get the book here.

Get fit without ever having to go anywhere!

Because tossing a balloon in the air is really going to give you all the exercise you need…

Just put the balloon down and go outside already.

Get the book here.

Hide your junk in public while shooting furtive glances at passerby.

No one will think you're creepy or shady at all.

And you never know, you might return to the park the next day and need that yo-yo you hid in a toilet tank in the public restroom. Good for you for thinking ahead.

Get the book here.

"Don't dump your wastepaper into the garbage—" keep it, and make it into art instead.

Candy wrappers become butterflies. Discarded paper bags become flowers. Let one man's trash become a lonely man's treasures.

Get the book here.

"Knit Your Own Cat is the irresistible guide to knitting the pet you've always wanted."

How is a knit cat better than a real cat? It's not, but at least it won't tarnish your loner reputation since it's still an inanimate object.

Get the book here.

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