If Patti Mayonnaise Had Actually Been A Drug Dealer

Here’s the Patti Mayonnaise and Orange Is the New Black mash-up that needed to happen.

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This is what happens to Doug when you replace Patti Mayonnaise's lines with Yoga Jones' lines.

(Click the bottom right corner of the Vine to turn on the sound.)

That time Doug wrote Patti a song and she was not impressed:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

That time Patti told Doug about her past:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

That time Patti confessed to killing a kid and Doug tried to relate:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

That time Doug tried to grow weed to impress Patti and a deer ate it:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

That time Patti shouted "damn" in a cafeteria full of 11-year-olds while encouraging Doug to turn in his strike demands:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

That time Patti got drunk and spilled milk:

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed