1.
what if u cracked ur knuckles and ur fingers started to glow like glow sticks
2.
please..,,,,,... be my wife wazowski
3.
I forgot my knitting needles in the freezer
4.
my humour has been so destroyed that I find this to be the most hilarious video I’ve seen in ages
5.
‘WATER THOSE!’ https://t.co/pmttFWp0Gi
6.
look at that motor oil https://t.co/LS3O2n95NP
7.
people born in 2001 are 8 now. let that sink in
8.
when u are trying to close twitter but u just want to see one more post before going to bed
9.
shrek be like “dönkæ”
10.
11.
what came first.. da minion or da bob
12.
13.
Regular back: -will hurt eventually -boring -stupid bones Backstreet's back: -alright
14.
15.
ladies, if he: - never texts you back - always interjects with unsolicited advice - reads your personal documents - constantly tries to help you format paragraphs - is a sentient paper clip he’s not your man. he’s clippy the microsoft word office assistant
16.
"Bro, you want this pamphlet?" "Brochure"
17.
She glowed up so hard on us. Y'all said she isn't a planet and she went out and got a whole revenge bod, and now y'all keep saying you miss Pluto being a planet but you had your chance!! Look at her, she has Moved On!! https://t.co/TQkLyFggBr
18.
no ice? just freeze some water. https://t.co/YID3kHAJou
19.
twitter has literally broken my sense of humor bc im fucking screaming at this https://t.co/KC3S03tyHD
20.
recipe writers: tsp is teaspoon, tbsp is tablespoon me, an intellectual: tusp recipe writer: no me: tubusp
21.
You: taking the mick Me, an intellectual: extracting the Michael
22.
crocs but thigh high
23.
this is how lil kids cough
24.
why is it called "a vet" and not a "dogter"? https://t.co/icZDwp0Q8V
25.
getting double bounced on a trampoline was the last time i felt something
26.
the sun from the teletubbies be like:
27.
small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish] me:
28.
stop 🗣 killing 🗣 scottish 🗣 people 🗣 to make 🗣 scotch 🗣 tape 🗣
29.
You ever laugh at something stupid so hard that you cry, and go to show your partner and they just look disappointed? Yeah
30.
out of boredom i decided to scan a stuffed shark. here are the results.
31.
Since hair can’t be preserved in fossils we can’t rule out the possibility that dinosaurs looked like this