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23 Jokes You'll Only Get If You're Poor

"The only thing dry in January is my bank account."

Posted on

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Twitter: @TiffanyAlvord

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my only New Years resolution is to not spend money on food I honestly might be rich by 2017

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you: a 'homeowner' hundreds of grand in debt me: a ps4 and lava lamp owner, no debt, furniture I found on the side of the road

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i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was "cool. that bird makes more money than me"

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as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money

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me: doesn't check bank account for weeks also me: "not sure how much is on this, but let's just see if it works"

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"Hello darkness my old friend." Darkness: I'm not lending you any money.

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Age 15: someday I'm going to own a Ferrari Age 20: maybe I'll get a BMW someday Age 25: I hope someone in a Mercedes hits me in a crosswalk

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visualization of my bank account right now

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MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU ME: *realize I won't have to pay student loans back if I'm dead* MUGGER: ??? ME: I'm thinking.

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Age 20: in 5 years I'm going to own a benz and have my house paid off. Age 25: you know what, Patricia? Make that TWO mexican pizzas.

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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.

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"Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" Well...

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dry january, yeh right the only thing that has been dry the whole of january is my bank account😫

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me: i wanna show you the world *looks at bank account* me: i wanna show you the block

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Me to me: 'STOP SPENDING MONEY!'

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me trying to figure out where all my money went: maybe if i hadnt bought that 89 cent dipping sauce in 2007..

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when ur relative offers u money and u pretend like u cant take it at first

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If I have $100 cash in my pocket in the morning, even if I don't go anywhere or spend any money, at the end of the day I'll have $7 dollars

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Doctor: show me where it hurts. [shows him my bank account balance]

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Hey now Youre a coinstar Put your dimes on this plaaate Hey now Get your swear jar check your car for loose chaaange & all i eat's McDonalds

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Me: [repeatedly tries to type "motherlode" in the ATM]