What Does Your Choice Of Car Say About You?

You car says a lot about you. How well you maintain it, whether it's got scratches or dings on it, what make it is. These are often the first things strangers will see and use to judge you very, very harshly. Let's break down what your car says about you:

1992 Honda Civic

Via momentcar.com

The 1992 Honda Civic screams "hand-me-down." Especially with that ugly robin's egg blue color. Civic owners often refer to themselves as 'thrifty,' but are perhaps best defined by their refusal to pay for gas on road-trips and not using protection in the bedroom. You're probably better off just avoiding them.

Chevy Suburban

Via patmcgrathchevyland.com

"My life is more important than yours as evidenced by this monstrosity which will surely kill you and everyone you love if we get in an accident." That's right, the Chevy suburban weighs nearly three tons. The 5'4" mother of three driving it has her babies to think of first and foremost. You'd best just lay down and pray to whatever God she believes in.

Mazda Miata

Via motorauthority.com

"I have major baggage." Whether it's a looming divorce, erectile dysfunction, or a troubled childhood they refuse to face, all Miata owners come with significant baggage. Which is particularly ironic given that most Miata's don't have a trunk.

VW Golf GTI

Via arthurprince.co.uk

The illusion of money without actually having any. A favorite of aspiring DJs, former professional skateboarders, and people that want to get into street-racing. I don't recommend you buy a Golf GTI unless you want to spend 20+ hours a week cleaning it and talking about installing a new exhaust system.

Toyota Prius

Via commons.wikimedia.org

"I care about the environment and believe in global warming, but not enough to do any actual research into environmentally-friendly cars." That's the message you're sending when you drive around town in your Prius. You undoubtedly love brunch, the collected works of Marcel Proust, and arrogantly twirling your mustache.

Ford F-150

Via en.wikipedia.org

The F-150 owner would literally rather spend tens of thousands of unnecessary dollars than see the world revolve one day past 1955. Above all, it's important that F-150 owners not feel 'threatened' by things like equality, foreign concepts, and vegetables. You'd best stay out of their way or they'll shoot you as is their God-given third ammendation right!

Toyota Camry

Via cars.com

Camry owners are masters at fooling themselves into thinking they're really driving a Prius, and therefore really (not actually) helping the environment. The Camry is essentially a step (albeit a large step) above taking public transportation. Camry owners are kind to the point of being manipulated. Seriously, ask a stranger driving a Camry for a ride to the airport and he will inevitably accept and offer to pay you for the ride.

Saturn Aura

Via thetruthaboutcars.com

If you're interested in purchasing a car which is guaranteed to be difficult to repair, supposing you are able to find parts for it, then the Saturn Aura is for you! Did you know Saturn no longer makes cars? Saturn owners do! And yet they still chose to buy one. That tells you everything you need to know.

Subaru Impreza Hatchback

Via theautoz.com

"Why yes, that is a bike rack on the roof." Subaru owners love to tell you about their rock climbing, their cross-country land-boat races, and that time they made out with another girl in college. Enough! It's not a humble-brag if it never stops!

Scion xB

Via en.wikipedia.org

xB owners are notorious for having no idea what's going on at any particular moment in time. They're often caught up playing their PS Vita or daydreaming about Mexican food. Which isn't to say they didn't put any thought into buying their car. They simply saw one commercial and used that as the sole basis for their purchase.

Fiat 500

Via autoblog.com

Fiat owners would like you to think of them as "cosmopolitan citizens of the world," but really they're just ridiculous. Seriously, if you thought Golf GTI owners spent too much on their car, wait till you meet someone who imported a Fiat. The cherry on top: There's not a single person who looks comfortable driving a Fiat. Not one.

BMW 5 Series

Via en.wikipedia.org

"I want my car to say everything about me." Of course you do, you smug asshole.