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Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”
The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe, AND BECAUSE I WOULD REALLY HATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING AT. If we had the ability to highlight words at BuzzFeed, I would.
Come up with a better pun? Post it in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS!
So with that said: DANGER! THERE MIGHT BE SOME PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL! 😀
1. These succulent planters to perfectly display the beauty of whales and elephants.
You might even say it perfectly orca-strates their beauty.
Get one from Amazon for $10 (also available as a crocodile).
2. A fidget spinner mashup that puts three flavors of lip gloss into one puzzlingly cute gadget.
It's really putting a new spin on lip care.
Get it from BuzzFeed's Glamspin for $9.99.
3. An etched wood money clip — it looks so damn cool and makes it easy to keep your bills in one place.
4. This mug for revealing your deep longing for a previous life.
This picture is a literal mug shot.
Get it from Amazon for $11.
5. A portable armrest divider to set some boundaries between you and your seat neighbor.
Divider?! I hardly know her!
Get it from Amazon for $25.
6. This throw pillow for subtly adding the penis decor you've been missing in your life.
Urethra see it or you don't.
Get it from Look Human for $18+ (available with or without insert, in sizes 14, 16, and 18 inches).
7. A ship-based drinking game that'll have you taking a shot every time your opponent guesses a location correctly.
It really should be called Battleshots. Like, come on.
Get it from Amazon for $15 (comes with eight shot glasses, how nice of them).
8. This adorable pet hoodie to stop your pup from freezing their tail off.
These are just so dog-gone cute.
Get it from Amazon for $12 (available in sizes XS–XXL).
9. A soap dispenser with a place for your sponge.
It just Dawn-ed on me how convenient this is.
Get it from Amazon for $12 (also available in red).
10. This pet hammock for taking your cat to new heights.
If I were a cat, I wouldn't like heights too much. They would freak meow-t.
Get it from Amazon for $11 (available in three colors).
11. These Bluetooth headphones that'll free up your body movement by cutting the cable.
They look like another pair of headphones I've seen around. Beats me if you can find them.
Get them from Amazon for $37 (available in four colors).
12. An all-terrain belt able to conceal a bit of cash for extra travel security.
It's a literal waist of money.
Get it from Amazon for $19.
13. This food processor that's perfectly sized for making summertime smoothies.
Word is that this creates quite a stir.
Get it from Amazon for $35+ (also available in a 450-watt version).
14. A fancy-looking fruit bowl sure to class the shit out of your kitchen countertop.
You might say it looks a-peel-ing.
Get it from Amazon for $25.
15. This camping teakettle that easily collapses into a bag.
And it's available at a price that's not too steep!
Get it from Amazon for $20 (available in four colors).
16. This charming sink paper clip holder.
Man, the quality of puns has really gone down the drain.
Get it from Amazon for $3.
17. A tin of mints infused with caffeine for when you don't have time to brush or drink coffee.
They all arrive in mint condition.
Get a single tin from Amazon for $4.99+ (available in a six-pack and half-pound sizes, and in two flavors).
