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17 Really Random Things You Will Actually Want

Break open the change jar.

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Welcome to another edition of Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $25!

I am your host, Jeff. The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something. The list may look like it is seemingly random, but I assure you, it's not. Don't plan to buy anything? That's OK! Stay and enjoy my lame jokes! GOOD LUCK, ALL!

1. This folding knife and scissor key blends in with your keyring. ($3+)

If your keys were alive and witnessed a murder, they would be a key witness.

Get the straight edge here.

Get the scissor key here.

2. Keep your stuff safe with this book safe ($23)!

If you think about it, this is basically a money jail. And you've put your stuff in solitary confinement. Hopefully your valuables don't book it.

Get it here.

Also comes in dictionary form. Get it here.

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5. Stick absolutely everything to the wall or ceiling with this 10-foot roll of velcro ($10).

If there is such a thing as a vel-crow, I would like to know about it. A bird that has all sorts of shit stuck to it as it frantically flies around, now that's a world I want to live in.

Get it here.

6. Cut the shit out of your veggies with this mandolin slicer ($24).

Not to be confused with a real mandolin. If you try to play this, you will only have a good story to tell the EMT as they haul you away.

Get it here.

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17. A really fucking strong magnet that can hold 249 pounds (~113 kg) ($19).

CMS Magnetics / Amazon

I hear it has an attractive personality. But for real, magnets can seriously fuck your hands up if you're not careful. This magnet actually would be great for magnet fishing! (Yes, it's a real hobby.)

Get it here.