How Many Of These Euphemisms For Male Masturbation Have You Heard?

Here's a quiz. Try to BEAT IT.

Posted on
Jean-Luc Bouchard
Jean-Luc Bouchard
BuzzFeed Staff

No one's around, right? Cool, let's have some fun.

Monkeybusinessimages / Getty Images

  1. Please check off all the euphemisms for male masturbation that you recognize.

    Check
    Spanking the monkey
    Check
    Five finger shuffle
    Check
    Making the bald man cry
    Check
    Poaching your egg
    Check
    Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
    Check
    Beating your meat
    Check
    Blowing your own horn
    Check
    Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
    Check
    Riding the mayonnaise surf
    Check
    Shucking corn
    Check
    Waxing your carrot
    Check
    Tugging the slug
    Check
    Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
    Check
    Debugging the hard drive
    Check
    Auditioning your hand puppet
    Check
    Oozing your noodle
    Check
    Squirt hockey
    Check
    Hand shandy
    Check
    Smoosh smoosh
    Check
    Burping the worm
    Check
    Wanking
    Check
    Pocket pinball
    Check
    Badgering the witness
    Check
    Celebrating Palm Sunday
    Check
    Making magic with leftovers
    Check
    Pulling the Pope
    Check
    Wrestling the eel
    Check
    Liquidating the inventory
    Check
    Hoisting your own petard
    Check
    Fishing with dynamite
    Check
    Beef Strokenoff
    Check
    Jerkin' the gherkin
    Check
    Cooking cucumbers
    Check
    Consulting Dr. Jackoff
    Check
    Tipping off the inspector
    Check
    Much a goo about nothing
    Check
    Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
    Check
    Discovering your own potential
    Check
    Shuffling your iPod
    Check
    Strangling the Cyclops
    Check
    Buffing the Vampire Slayer
    Check
    Making Pearl Jam
    Check
    Meeting the Goopman at midnight
    Check
    Seasoning your meatloaf
    Check
    Practicing politics
    Check
    Hunting for Red October
    Check
    Tossing egg salad
    Check
    Crying on the toilet
    Check
    23 skidoo
    Check
    The tartar sauce rainbow

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