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21 Differences Between Me And A Cat

I am not a cat, no matter how hard I try.

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7. There have been dozens of cartoons over the years starring cat protagonists. There is just one cartoon staring me, and it's only available via my personal website, on Betamax.

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13. Cats are so good at catching mice, it's insane. They make it look so freakin' easy. It's not that easy. It's very hard. It takes me days, sometimes. I don't get it.

18. If a cat went to high school, it would get a yearbook superlative like "Most Fuzzy" or "Most Cuddly" and not "Most Likely to Try and Fail to Open an Arby's Franchise".

19. When cats hack up hairballs, they rarely activate their historically-weak gag reflex and get kicked out of the Microeconomics 101 class they needed to graduate.

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