Skip To Content
  • win badge

Dr. Seuss Goes To Chipotle

You would eat it in a house. You will spill it down your blouse.

by ,

With heaps of love and respect for Dr. Seuss, as well as full-bellied appreciation for Chipotle.

Andrea Hickey / BuzzFeed / Inspired by Dr. Seuss

The line was as long as a Krankletromp's tail

so I stood, stood, stood, but to little avail.

The problem? A tourist.

A tortoise-y tourist.

A sluggish fuddnudler whose whining did bore us.

"I would not like white rice.

I would not like brown rice."

The snarp in her tone was anything but nice.

And the anger of me and the other-liners too

pushed the tourist outside and sped-up the queue.

Onwards we marched, pleased to bits with our pace,

and when I was next, these words spewed from my face:

"One bowl.

To go.

White rice.

Pinto."

While the scoop-scooper scooped, I stared full of love

at all the grilled sneetch piled high in the tub.

But my nose caught the scent of another rare treat—

a bin of delectably seasoned roast beast.

I asked for one meat.

And then?

Why, for two!

Ignoring the digestive impact I would rue.

And that's how I made-up a bowl of half-sneetch

and a just-as-big ladle serving of beast.

Andrea Hickey / BuzzFeed / Inspired by Dr. Seuss

Quite happy, my bowl took a ride to Next Stop

where a woman was ready to spoon on the sauce.

And so tame were the tongues of the previous guests

that she grinned when I asked for a three-salsa mess.

"That one, and that one, and that one as well!"

while I gestured, as if I were casting a spell.

But when she was done, the rice still looked dry,

and I felt a small panic and darted my eyes.

Andrea Hickey / BuzzFeed / Inspired by Dr. Seuss

I gazed at the sauces, sweat sliding down chin,

and screamed, "WAIT, MA'AM! WAIT!

ALL THREE SALSAS AGAIN!"

The worker's brow furrowed—

"Sir, are you quite sure?"

And I nodded insanely:

"Never in my life more."

Encore!

Salsa 1, Salsa 2, and yes, Salsa 3!

As well as a mountain of white, plastic cheese.

"And a gooplet of cream," I said with good cheer,

"But no lettuce or corn 'cause that's not why I'm here."

Andrea Hickey / BuzzFeed / Inspired by Dr. Seuss

It was now, while on line, I spotted the paste,

lumpy and green like an old Grinchy face.

Though the slime was as ugly and soft as my Crocs,

I knew in my heart that I must have this guac.

Before they could speak, I said, "'Course I'll pay more."

(As if I could live without goop mounds galore!)

And the spoonful was small, and not worth two bucks,

but to live life without it would simply be nuts.

Andrea Hickey / BuzzFeed / Inspired by Dr. Seuss

"Plus one cup for water."

A bold-faced lie

disguising my thirst for Pibb Xtra with ice.

And with one swipe of card and balled-up receipt,

I slurped my first forkful after merely 10 feet.

***

Learn more about Dr. Seuss here.

Want great book recommendations in your inbox every week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Books newsletter!

Newsletter signup form