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It does feel like there's a "the fourth wall" when having a conversation.
It doesn't feel like something you can "snap out of."
It does give you athazagoraphobia.
It doesn't feel like "you're really bummed out" or "just sad".
This is your brain without a mental illness (sometimes).
This is your brain with anxiety (all of the time). But...
But you're emotionally paralyzed.
It does feel like your body is a flesh-covered cavity, housing your demons.
It does make your loved ones resent you at times.
It doesn't (necessarily) look like a person sad in the rain like all the depression ads would have you believe.
It does feel like you're giving a performance of a lifetime.
It does feel like drowning.
It does feel like melting and burning and a lot like decomposing.
"You should find Jesus. Or a good yoga studio."
It does make you silently scream this:
....and play this game....
....and this becomes a hobby.....
....and you get really good at this.
It does make you relate to Felicity Huffman.
And Britney Spears.
It does have its good days.
And modern medicine is awesome.
And good friends can make all the difference.
But it doesn't go away. It can't go away.
It does hide.
So you hide.
And live in fear of how bad it can get.
It doesn't have to win.
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