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If Ron Were The Main Character In "Harry Potter"

Ron Weasley and The Goddamn Misandry.

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Something always seemed off about the boy they called Ron Weasley. Even in family pictures it was almost like he was Photo-shopped in.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley loved their son dearly even though he was a red head. The boy was convinced that he had magical powers!
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Mr. and Mrs. Weasley loved their son dearly even though he was a red head. The boy was convinced that he had magical powers!

Concerned from the very beginning, they shipped him off to a mysterious boarding school.

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But first there was a knock at the door...

The neighborhood bully dropped by to put a curse on Ron for being a red head! He said that because the boy was an adopted MALE eccentric, his anger at the sanctimonious inconsideration of women in a post feminist rights world would cause him to become a quote unquote "FOREVER VIRGIN!" Inequalities of the past had given women a blank check to do and say whatever they damn well pleased! He put a curse on the boy saying, "Avada Kedavra Virgin hahaha! Avada Kedavra Virgin!"
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The neighborhood bully dropped by to put a curse on Ron for being a red head! He said that because the boy was an adopted MALE eccentric, his anger at the sanctimonious inconsideration of women in a post feminist rights world would cause him to become a quote unquote "FOREVER VIRGIN!" Inequalities of the past had given women a blank check to do and say whatever they damn well pleased! He put a curse on the boy saying, "Avada Kedavra Virgin hahaha! Avada Kedavra Virgin!"

Years to Ron weren't kind growing up. He expressly remembers someone blowing their nose in a handkerchief and tossing it onto his chin.

Some guy's girlfriend told him to do it.
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Some guy's girlfriend told him to do it.

Ron threw up in the boy's bathroom because of that. She use to like him, but she never had the courage to say it because only guys are expected to do things like that. Sexism mostly happens to women.

"Nobody cares about how guys feel Weasley hahaha. Put on a fresh pair of tighties," he remembered her saying.
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"Nobody cares about how guys feel Weasley hahaha. Put on a fresh pair of tighties," he remembered her saying.

But Ron wasn't taking this shit no more!

Their first mistake was to be acting like misogyny was the only thing to happen before the 21st...er.. 19th century. Their second mistake was to be fucking with a red head!
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Their first mistake was to be acting like misogyny was the only thing to happen before the 21st...er.. 19th century. Their second mistake was to be fucking with a red head!

Now bitches gotta get slap!

Thunder is clapping in the background. Imagine thunder clapping back there...

Thunder is clapping in the background. Imagine thunder clapping back there...

Ron was beginning to make friends at the new boarding school even though one of them was a girl who constantly pointed out his short comings.

She always had to know everything. She always had to make everything a gender based issue. Everybody makes mistakes. What was she a feminist? Harry was aight though! All concerned about equality and what not. Egalitarians babe.
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She always had to know everything. She always had to make everything a gender based issue. Everybody makes mistakes. What was she a feminist? Harry was aight though! All concerned about equality and what not. Egalitarians babe.

One time everybody snuck behind a wall in class to pull a prank and Harry let a huge one go, but Hermione had to go and make it a gender issue.

Instead of just addressing that Ron's friend Harry was rude Hermione had to go and make sure that it was a gender issue..............see. She could never just let one go like Harry.
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Instead of just addressing that Ron's friend Harry was rude Hermione had to go and make sure that it was a gender issue..............see. She could never just let one go like Harry.

Ron was kind of liking his new friends though! Especially the girl because girls can be everything. Everything right with the world.

Hermione was a bun though! Hermione was a poodle doodle!
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Hermione was a bun though! Hermione was a poodle doodle!

It was time for that damn school dance.

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Ron asked Hermione to the school dance since she didn't seem to be going with anyone because he just knew that she would appreciate the consideration if anything!

He just knew that if anything!
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He just knew that if anything!

She obviously appreciated the consideration!

She couldn't just say anything before all of this happened though! It wasn't like Hermione had a mouth of her own! It wasn't like she could have just asked Ron out before some douche came along for her to spend the rest of her life with just to prove a point! It wasn't like the entire illusion of a feminist seeking equality is shattered by all the expectations being on the guy! They're always complaining about stuff like that!
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She couldn't just say anything before all of this happened though! It wasn't like Hermione had a mouth of her own! It wasn't like she could have just asked Ron out before some douche came along for her to spend the rest of her life with just to prove a point! It wasn't like the entire illusion of a feminist seeking equality is shattered by all the expectations being on the guy! They're always complaining about stuff like that!

Ron was getting sick of this shit!

They don't just pursue what's in everyone's best interest they only pursue what's in theirs! Yes all men must have been feeling this way. Even the teachers at his school only tell the boys to take their hats off in class while the girls did and said whatever they wanted to. Well Ron would wear his hat whenever he damn well pleased!
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They don't just pursue what's in everyone's best interest they only pursue what's in theirs! Yes all men must have been feeling this way. Even the teachers at his school only tell the boys to take their hats off in class while the girls did and said whatever they wanted to. Well Ron would wear his hat whenever he damn well pleased!

Even Dolores Umbridge was looking like a pink panther these days. Couldn't she realize that colors are objective!

Dolores was constantly sentencing Harry Potter and Ron to detention, but there was never any record of Dolores Umbridge intentionally carrying out these harsh punishments on the girls of the institution, only in groups.
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Dolores was constantly sentencing Harry Potter and Ron to detention, but there was never any record of Dolores Umbridge intentionally carrying out these harsh punishments on the girls of the institution, only in groups.

That's when Ron Weasely and Harry Potter decided to become secret agents quietly infiltrating the system of misandry that had established itself as an institution over the years.

Ron's friends were skipping off quite alot those days, but Ron was having plans of his own.
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Ron's friends were skipping off quite alot those days, but Ron was having plans of his own.

Why couldn't Hermione understand that the 1900's were just yesterday! Her one sided perspectives of chauvinism weren't going to cut it anymore! Women could not be victims forever!

Ron Weasley conspired with Hermione Granger to set the record straight once and for all. Even though she agreed to help he could already notice her affections waivering for him all thanks to the mentality of a willing protagonist . It was like the bully predicted. He was going to become a "forever virgin." She wasn't fighting against the true system of patriarchy. She wasn't complaining about how only male individuals have to take the knee and profess their undying love and loyalty for the opposite sex. She wasn't even complaining about having to change her last name and that's the epitome of patriarchy! She was only complaining about those other problems because sexism only happens to women.
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Ron Weasley conspired with Hermione Granger to set the record straight once and for all. Even though she agreed to help he could already notice her affections waivering for him all thanks to the mentality of a willing protagonist . It was like the bully predicted. He was going to become a "forever virgin." She wasn't fighting against the true system of patriarchy. She wasn't complaining about how only male individuals have to take the knee and profess their undying love and loyalty for the opposite sex. She wasn't even complaining about having to change her last name and that's the epitome of patriarchy! She was only complaining about those other problems because sexism only happens to women.

The rebellion was finally ready.

But suddenly they were facing an organized group! Ron couldn't believe it. Dolores Umbridge and a band of cronies came out of nowhere! And then someone very dear to Ron's heart finally walked out. It was he who must not be named.
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But suddenly they were facing an organized group! Ron couldn't believe it. Dolores Umbridge and a band of cronies came out of nowhere! And then someone very dear to Ron's heart finally walked out. It was he who must not be named.

So this is what evil looked like. A bunch of angry women and their pet husbands. Things were getting unreal.

He never expected to see an organized group appear, but Ron finally understood that he was fighting the good fight.
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He never expected to see an organized group appear, but Ron finally understood that he was fighting the good fight.

Things got a bit "Harry."

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Ron's childhood bully Lord Voldemort powered up his next attack. It was the ability to grant wishes.

Couldn't Ron see that the principal he was fighting for was a ridiculous one! How dare those "Equalitarians!" How dare they have the guts to dream about equality. This world should never be able to realize that dream. There were too many differences!
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Couldn't Ron see that the principal he was fighting for was a ridiculous one! How dare those "Equalitarians!" How dare they have the guts to dream about equality. This world should never be able to realize that dream. There were too many differences!

Ron knew the incantation well. It was the ability to grant wishes. It was the last thing any wizard would be expecting in a stand-up battle. Voldermort was a genius, but Ron was smarter.

Ron summoned up everything he had! He was willing to die for a cause if the spell was too powerful!
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Ron summoned up everything he had! He was willing to die for a cause if the spell was too powerful!

Avada kedavra wishes virgin dead! Hahaha!

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But a deep and profound love for women suddenly made Ron more powerful than any wizard in the history of the boarding school Hogwarts!

I wish for the world to see reason and equality! I wish that none of this was ever about sexism, racism, or ethnocentrism! I wish for women to be better than victims! AVADA KEDAVRA RE-WISHES BITCHES! AVADA KEDAVRA RE-WISHES!
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I wish for the world to see reason and equality! I wish that none of this was ever about sexism, racism, or ethnocentrism! I wish for women to be better than victims! AVADA KEDAVRA RE-WISHES BITCHES! AVADA KEDAVRA RE-WISHES!

Time stopped, rewinded itself, and then fast forwarded itself!

...............
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...............

Harry Potter saved Hogwarts!

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And so the story goes that wherever there are evil witches and warlocks in the world the Egalatarians will be watching.

And Ron will be waiting......................................
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And Ron will be waiting......................................

All compliments to the friendly neighborhood red head!

Ron sacrificed his soul for man and wizard kind. How about that? Oh.. and as for that virgin thing....
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Ron sacrificed his soul for man and wizard kind. How about that? Oh.. and as for that virgin thing....

Because Ron changed the timeline of history, he told Hermione what happened. He thought she would hate his guts for it, but she actually fell in love with him for it.

Only a real man would in fact risk the sexual health of his entire young adulthood for the opportunity to save his fellow woman and wizard kind!
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Only a real man would in fact risk the sexual health of his entire young adulthood for the opportunity to save his fellow woman and wizard kind!

That's about the time everyone's childhood ended!

Yeah that's still a shit ending, but what can you do.
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Yeah that's still a shit ending, but what can you do.

The Ellie Goulding song "Burn" was playing in the background...Imagine Ellie Goulding playing back there...

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