1.
I work at a bank and this lady came in with a $150,000 check and to make conversation I was like "oh wow I wish I had one of these" then she deadass was like "it's a life insurance check. I would rather have the person." https://t.co/3FXUdPdO88
2.
my mom pulled down my tube top to cover my stomach and my titties fell out so now everybody at sams club knows what my titties look like
3.
I JUST ASKED SIRI IF A CERTAIN BOY WOULD EVER TEXT ME AND SHE SENT A TEXT SAYING WILL YOU EVER TEXT ME TO HIM. My funeral will be held at 8pm this Thursday.
4.
I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was fancy...my one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water” *students erupt in laughter*
5.
I’m really tired of being 5’2. How can we move to our new house and the kids in the neighbourhood, knocked on my door to ask my dad if im playing out. I’m fuming. I’m turning 22 in 2 months
6.
i got into the elevator at my office today with a guy who i don't know and we both reached for the same button so i said "floor buddies" and he didn't respond so i am seeking employment elsewhere. let me know of any jobs please
7.
As if the police have just came to my house. They explained to me someone took photos of my car as they where worried as blonde hair was sticking out the back. The policeman then asked me to open my boot so I did. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED it was ma clip in weave😂
8.
Ok so last night a girl was crying in the toilets cause her ex got a lass pregnant who he cheated on her with, so me tryna make her feel better said "could be you tho and kids are awful u don't want them" she looked me dead in the eye and said "I already have two kids"
9.
So they changed my gate in my layover and I ask the employee what the gate changed too. I showed her my screenshotted ticket and she looked at me strange and just ask me where I was going. I told her and then looked at my phone to realize I was actually showing her this https://t.co/ZvfqV4p4yn
10.
BRO IM SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED
11.
My roommate went on a bumble date and was nervous so decided to pound shots in her car once she got to the place they were meeting and the guy was parked next to her and watched her chug vodka for 5 minutes. Dating is rough.
12.
It was a quiet car ride
13.
I met someone today who worked for Triple A and I thought they said Chick-fil-A so after 15 min of talking, I asked what his specific job was and he said roadside assistance and I was like wow chick-fil-a is unmatched...then I asked how they make their sauce and then it got weird
14.
my fiancé’s mother texted to check up on me and omg im gonna kms
15.
SCREAMING, just hugged my dentist thinking he was going in for one but really he was just taking off my dental bib. Don't think I can ever recover from this
16.
Thought somebody was honestly chasing me home with a flute I was so scared and then I realized it was the wind blowing through the holes of my crutches ahahahahahhahahaha ahahhaahahah ahahhahaah shat it
17.
So this girl I volunteer with showed me this video last week of her leg giving out during a HS dive competition and I now watch regularly when i need a laugh https://t.co/UalGTUeb9C
18.
My mum introduced me to the students that are staying with us earlier when I had make up on and I’ve just came down after my shower with wet hair and they introduced them self again ahahahahah I’m the same person fs 🙂