1. Pull the ugliest faces possible just to see what you look like.
2. Use a magnifying mirror so that you can see every pore and hair on your face.
3. Collect any hair strands that have fallen out and swirl them on the walls of the shower.
4. Spend your time after your shower picking off all the hairs that have stuck themselves to your arms and legs.
5. And extract hair that’s slid into your buttcrack.
6. Convince yourself that no matter how tightly shut your eyes, a bit of shampoo has gotten into your eye.
7. Dramatically rinse out your mouth a dozen times because you’ve got a weird shampooe-y taste.
8. Get indents on your thighs from resting your elbows on your legs while you poo.
9. Inspect the toilet after you’ve gone to the bathroom on your period.
10. Remove a pad/tampon and then sit on the toilet for a long time to see if any blood will ~plop~ out.
11. Run from the shower to get a pad or tampon so that you don’t drip blood on the floor.
12. Practically do gymnastics in the shower to shave your legs.
13. And even more gymnastic to shave other places.
14. Fart in the bath and then feel sick because it smells so much worse than usual.
15. Turn the heat on the shower up so that it’s what many people would consider to be uncomfortably hot.
16. See how tightly you can wrap your towel around your hair.
17. Try to do it at lightning speed.
18. Use triple the amount of conditioner compared to shampoo, so that you never finish them at the same time.
19. Desperately try to scoop conditioner from the shower floor that’s fallen out of your hand, because you hate the idea of wasting it.
20. Try to shake yourself dry after you pee and there’s no toilet paper, even though it leaves a bit of pee on your underwear.
21. Feel a strange sense of satisfaction watching period blood get washed away in the shower.
22. Run out of the shower to get your razor and leave puddles of water on the floor in your wake.
23. Pull one stray hair out of the drain only to realise it’s only part of a bigger, more disgusting pile of hair.
24. Force yourself to do a post-sex wee even if your bladder is pretty much empty, because you're worried about getting cystitis.
25. Layer toilet paper before going to poo so that the toilet water doesn't splash into your vagina.
26. Wee as forcefully as you can, just because.
27. Use the harsh bathroom lighting as an opportunity to tweeze the random hairs on your body you’ve found.
28. Shave your legs in the bath but rinse the razor in the bath water, so that you’re bathing in a bit of your leg hair.
29. Feel mildly horrified by all the hair in your bath tub post-shaving before you rinse it out.
30. Attempt, and often fail, to turn off the bath tap with your toe.
31. And of course, wrap yourself in a towel after bathing and then sit and stare into space for a small eternity.