Buzz·Posted on 6 Dec 2018Here They Are, 100 Of The Funniest British Tweets Of 2018"just seen a little girl confidently walk up to a bath bomb in lush and take a bite out of it, kids are class"by by Jasmin NaharBuzzFeed Staff, by Jamie JonesBuzzFeed ContributorLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Philip Larkin @philiplarkin Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left. It was only I rounded the corner I realised what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL 07:11 PM - 24 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. James Doleman @jamesdoleman Any man who can do this should be allowed to. 11:45 AM - 28 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. j. @jessicaelera I’m still creasing at when a guy asked me for directions at Westfield, saw that I was wearing Nike trainers with Adidas joggers, and said “you’re obviously lost in your own life, I’ll figure this one out on my own” and left 😭😭😭 08:17 PM - 23 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Sophie @sophieinnes_ Sitting in a bar in malia and we ask the guy to take a picture of us, and he was like do u want the dog in the pic, and we were like aye why not, result being https://t.co/E9gceO9qvk 10:29 PM - 13 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. aa @aauloa Imagine paying £9k a year to study history looool just live in the present 08:50 PM - 30 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Ollie @_Ollie2505 It’s me everyweek 04:12 PM - 27 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. liam @liamjohnson383 *Making Carbonara* Brain: don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it Me: ‘If my grandmother had wheels she would have been a bike’ 11:37 AM - 25 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. swiss neutrality @ashindestad You see any of these in London and you just know you're about to pay £15 for toast. https://t.co/wR2b3jZIt9 08:12 AM - 08 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Deck the Walsh 🎄🎅🏻 @Waaalsh_ kim k eats noodles topless n gets hunners a retweets, a eat noodles topless n am no allowed back in wagamama https://t.co/YteOT1iWfU 11:00 PM - 06 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. adam 🔺 @adambyrne_ this woman has murderd Cheryl Cole, stolen her phone, and taken a picture with the corpse. 10:52 AM - 01 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Nicki @AwkwardAndOdd You don’t know what fun is until you’ve witnessed a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming “A fucking hate hedgehogs, come at me ya jabby wee cunt” while angrily circling a hairbrush that’s been dropped on the floor... 10:10 AM - 01 Dec 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. olly @OliverrBurt If your boyfriend is on the way to Zante at Gatwick Airport and your name is Jane, he hopes you enjoy the money and that you use it on some lessons in grace and decorum because you have about all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tires on 04:47 PM - 21 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Robert Popper @robertpopper Prince Philip’s not looking his best: 09:46 AM - 26 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Moira O'Donnell @nervousbotanist Gin advent calendars are £60.00 in Sainsburys, so I made my own. 06:48 PM - 22 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. chawner laughs @appehmichael Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic (1997) 10:27 PM - 14 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. 🔶 Writer in Pyjamas #FBPE @WriterInPyjamas My Mum lost her password for 23andme. Instead of getting a new one, she ordered another spit kit, gave another sample, and had another DNA test! Today, she rings me: baffled, but excited and happy, that they’ve found a twin she didn’t know about! #DNA 03:14 PM - 14 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Samuel Jenkinson 🦎 @samueljenkinson Brexit 2017 vs Brexit 2018 10:57 AM - 14 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. ✧*:・゚lauryn ✧*:・゚ @yung_anemia woman: i just drank water 18 year old LAD with a beer emoji and a sports team in his bio: didn’t happen love 😂👎🏻 06:17 PM - 11 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Tony @tonyrobinsonnn How goths are baptised 03:50 PM - 02 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Billy Barrett @billybarrett123 Three years since Wetherspoons sent me on this helpful customer service course 09:18 AM - 10 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. liv 🐊 @olivialoughlin3 why do boys change into their football tops to just sit in front of the telly to watch the game ahahah a don’t stick a pair a fangs on when am watching the vampire diaries 08:15 PM - 08 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. 🥰 gothic bitch 🥰 @hrrrdtimes one taught me love one taught me patience one taught me pain 03:04 PM - 06 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. 24. joe @joedeal_ just eat: the takeaway has accepted your ord- me: 08:27 PM - 31 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. natalie @WeeNat82 Whoever posted this on gumtree has me greetin with laughter 🤣🤣🤣 08:55 PM - 24 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Helen Ingram @drhingram Not a fan of the new Harry Potter book 11:32 AM - 22 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Flanny. @LiamFlannigan1 When I first started at my work I got asked to work a Saturday so I said I couldn’t because it’s the only day I see my son. it’s 5 years on and my imaginary son (James) is almost in primary 2, top of his class, loves football. They grow up so quick when their not real don’t they? 08:31 AM - 05 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. Claire @Claire_wheels Went down to breakfast, came back up and the Maids cleaned the room and made the bed with Henry still sleeping 😭😭😭😭😩😩 https://t.co/nMSmKalJRz 08:37 AM - 28 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. Ad 🇯🇲 @KRUZAA_ The Postman writing a red slip for your package after lightly knocking the door once 12:25 PM - 07 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Harry Malone @HarryMalone1997 There’s definitely a strong positive correlation between, how much a girl likes horses & how long they wear their Sixth Form leavers hoodie after year 13 01:44 PM - 23 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. non spooky pop @accid_pop Oh banksy you’ve done it again 11:59 AM - 24 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 32. 33. futch living @queerdiscox Honestly can’t believe Shirley from Eastenders pulled off all these different moods wearing the same damn look 07:07 AM - 10 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 34. Thor Stenhaug @ThorStenhaug My 13-year-old brother has been cast in his school production of Mamma Mia. It’s him and 16 girls. He’s playing all three dads. I’m dead. 08:56 PM - 06 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 35. Mike Jennings @mikejjennings Brexit Britain 08:53 AM - 18 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 36. yung reezy 🇱🇨 @6foot3lightie Our government is really treating Brexit like one uni deadline. How you 2.5 years into the assignment with nothing to show for it? These man will be pulling an all nighter in the library on March 28th 08:35 AM - 16 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 37. Petty Betty✨ @MickieeLouise Kat Slater would DIE for an outfit like this https://t.co/oYYy5wC97B 06:11 PM - 23 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 38. Lewis Wake @lewiswake The people have spoken. 11:28 AM - 03 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 39. Omar Ward @oward98 Bus driver comes upstairs and starts shouting at the kids and turns to one and goes “your a right fucking idiot ain’t you” and he replies “not what your mom said last night” nice to see the classic still going strong today 06:55 AM - 05 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 40. SimonR @Simonreah Someone who works at a charity shop put Jeff Goldblum in every single photo frame 😂 10:23 PM - 01 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 41. Lauren Bell @laurbelly This is how I looked at bouncers checking my ID when I was underage https://t.co/u9wowHfcR8 03:46 AM - 22 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 42. K @ccfckatex_ Customer ‘how do you type with them nails?’ Because bab I am a women,a strong Fucking woman who can deal with a bit of acrylic on the end of my nail. PS I also like the sound x tap Fucking tap Susan x 09:59 AM - 15 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 43. will @peachishwill hair: done face: beat feeling: good bog: off 09:14 PM - 23 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 44. emfa la la la la, la la la la🎄 @EmFarl Microsoft Word is the most sensitive thing ever. You move something half an inch and all the pictures move, 3 new pages inserted, fire alarm goes, thunder and lightning, volcano erupts, stock market collapses 09:23 PM - 25 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 45. ❔ @ROUNDTHEBEND__ Bart Simpson having a shite next to me 06:16 AM - 15 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 46. Ric @PrettyRicc Going to a Spoons is the answer to everything. Pet just died??? Go to a Spoons. Going through a breakup??? Go to a Spoons. Bored??? Go to a Spoons. You're the disappointment in the family??? Go to a spoons 11:13 AM - 23 Jan 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 47. it's beginning to look a lot like katie! @supermathskid 06:35 PM - 11 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 48. iris @iris__ks do you ever get tagged in a meme and wonder if there were ever, like, medieval peasants pointing out a weird-looking turnip to another medieval peasant like “forsoothe gregorye yt ys thee after ye revelles of christmastide last” 02:57 PM - 26 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 49. Rosie Percy @rosiepercy P...Paddington!? 06:38 PM - 14 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 50. Ben @TheRebuck Me: Winston, are you getting off at... Winston: don’t say it Me: Winston: Me: Barking Winston: 06:56 PM - 03 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 51. the ollie and the ivy 🎄 @ProducerOllie just remove the spike https://t.co/qEd33eohhw 10:28 PM - 06 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 52. Shafeeq @Y2SHAF i was into the idea of moving out and decorating until i realised a pillow is literally £25 06:52 PM - 18 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 53. Birthday Boiiiiiii @_TY_97 Blows my mind how he piped down a whole ass Dragon, top shagger by far https://t.co/UBHwVCtdQj 11:49 AM - 24 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 54. Raegul @raegul Irn shu 11:47 AM - 03 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 55. Casey @CaseyBlackett1 Battery’s on your telly remote last forever man 😂 stops working just give it a wack n it starts working again for another 3 year 07:01 PM - 18 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 56. dr gonzo @tiredcats autoglass repair me : autoglass replace 11:51 PM - 16 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 57. Darudolph Snowstorm ❄️ @eduroameo someone said Theresa May curtsying reminds them of a velociraptor and, well, I couldn't stop thinking about this scene https://t.co/1mg30TzjHK 06:43 PM - 23 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 58. Ella Appleyard @ellaappleyard I am so Yorkshire that I read this as someone asking if you’re at home https://t.co/bKdKuXag6B 10:39 PM - 06 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 59. alfie @kwlalfie "im not gonna talk about politics tonight" me 0 pints later: 08:18 PM - 18 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 60. Conor @conorbrn He looks like the back of my Year 9 planner https://t.co/FQHdtmVGYf 03:55 PM - 15 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 61. Daniel Dylan Wray @DanielDylanWray 10/10 for whoever did this full bowling green-sized cock and balls in the snow. Beautiful that it remains untouched too. A clear respect for art in Sheffield. https://t.co/aZ9icrNRyg 04:51 PM - 28 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 62. Charlie ✨ @charliesardines 04:43 PM - 21 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 63. danTA haha get it because Santa and its Christmas @danjnich every episode of Don't Tell The Bride [int. living room in suburbia] BRIDE: please all I want is a normal wedding in a chapel [ext. working class pub] GROOM: I'm going to spend £10,000 on recreating every scene from the movie Flushed Away and not even the power of God can stop me 09:14 PM - 08 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 64. post malaise 💀 @moya_lm Passed out fully clothed last night for the first time but somehow also managed to upload a full photoset from my local kebab place which I don't remember either doing or taking in the first place https://t.co/KQ93zUAoGN 01:48 PM - 17 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 65. Soppy Toffee @SoppyToffee The weather has been so good that my local Bargain Booze are offering an authentic Al Fresco experience. 10:40 AM - 25 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 66. rachel @__rachelmurphy Me fucked in the smoking area with someone who I’ve known for 45 seconds https://t.co/XNc2xxXoy6 01:29 PM - 11 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 67. Gerbychic 👠💄 @Gerbychic currently living with my boyfriends parents and don't want them to think i'm wasting all my money on parcels so addressing them all under my boyfriends name and when he's not around agreeing with them about how he's wasting all his money on deliveries. sorry hun x 06:40 PM - 21 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 68. chawner laughs @appehmichael If I was a goalkeeper 06:14 PM - 11 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 69. Neva @vnevah Today marks a year since I paid nearly £200 to be told my dog was faking struggling to breathe in order to be carried. https://t.co/rGfBKz6FKF 10:38 AM - 06 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 70. Annabel Cucuz @AnnabelCucuz When you’re on Love Island at 9 and guiding young hopefuls through the Way of the Warrior at 10 #LoveIsland 09:05 PM - 12 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 71. Jordan Stein @JStein_97 Aye, aye it bloody well is tempting Debbie 05:00 PM - 28 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 72. Laura @fairycakes We make out like Fireman Sam is a hero but he is an absolute hack. Only about 25 people live in Pontypandy and they are setting fire to something EVERY SINGLE DAY. EDUCATE THEM SAM. GO BEYOND THE HOSE. 04:27 PM - 15 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 73. Helen Dale @_HelenDale The fox I planted last year is coming along nicely. 02:14 PM - 15 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 74. Jon @ArfMeasures Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no 01:49 PM - 17 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 75. 🌟isla🌟 @islrsm_ Isn’t this the guy who plays Sherlock? 02:46 PM - 18 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 76. 🧞♀️ @sabirinnx I’m going to sit outside antony joshua’s house https://t.co/7k4xh7lMrL 12:24 PM - 19 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 77. Emily @EmilyHatzar Is Jamie Oliver going to.... cook his children 06:30 PM - 01 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 78. joe heenan @joeheenan I’m at the Louvre pyramid in Paris. What an amazing building 05:12 PM - 18 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 79. Jáck @JackYeado Grant Holt has given his children some very strange names 04:18 PM - 24 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 80. Danny Parkinson @dannyparki The North/South divide 03:31 PM - 10 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 81. rachel @RachBlackburn_ just seen a little girl confidently walk up to a bath bomb in lush and take a bite out of it, kids are class 01:58 PM - 14 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 82. callum @caltyler_ Thought they were called Andy and Jamie? 08:47 AM - 10 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 83. olly @homoqenic when the Uber is two mins away at pre drinks 08:07 PM - 13 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 84. libra honey @_leanneshanice Soo-per, noo-dellz https://t.co/De1X4umsYy 07:56 AM - 11 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 85. Gareth Penrose @garethpenrose My money is on the live wolves. 04:40 PM - 11 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 86. issy @issyazalea why do mums always tell u stuff then say “don’t go posting anything on facebook” hun i haven’t posted anything since 2002 i highly doubt my comeback post is gonna be surrounding Sandra’s divorce 09:36 PM - 21 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 87. Lil G-Pug @gogglepossum Sad to see the remaining members for daft punk hunted for sport 03:37 PM - 02 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 88. katie🧚🏻♀️ @katie_pratley this has jamie oliver written all over it https://t.co/NfhnP1HfZu 07:01 PM - 02 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 89. sophie @sophxthompson A little boy just screamed down the tube carriage “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” and everyone remained silent. I love London 04:33 PM - 16 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 90. W @WWarped Just seconds before chaos. 08:31 PM - 17 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 91. Balderdash @notDcfcBoss THERE IS A GOOSE AT THE DOOR WATCHING THE FOOTBALL! 06:03 PM - 11 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 92. Summer Ray @SummerRay Show yourself Inspector Gadget 01:39 PM - 28 Feb 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 93. Perri @PerriOCall Jesus Christ size on the bees this year, went to go in my shed just now and there was a bee stood in the way built like a citreon picasso asking me for id 03:35 PM - 19 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 94. SнеRlock 🕵🏻 @SherlockyTweet When you bump into your cat 1/4 mile away from home.. 08:20 AM - 04 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 95. Emily @EmilyHatzar Tonight at work ID’d a guy and he said ‘alright love I’ll take it as a compliment.’ He was born in 1998 10:54 PM - 21 Sep 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 96. Adam McKola @AdamMcKola Beautiful tribute to Bradley and Stacey off Eastenders. https://t.co/AmlMyXc2Tv 12:56 PM - 19 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 97. Jess Vallance @jessvallance1 Woman on the train just tapped me on the arm & said ‘sorry - is that yours?’ Looked on the floor where she was pointing & it was a massive stag beetle Like does she think I littered it or that it’s my pet or what 09:51 PM - 09 Jun 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 98. rob @ghoulcabin steve. 52. 3 kids. hate the wife. love beer. fuck isis 🇬🇧🇬🇧 10:37 PM - 22 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 99. Ali San 🐬 @TheSanPlanet This is how British people measure inflation https://t.co/lFlLppeLA0 04:00 PM - 18 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 100. Hugh Keogh @hughkeogh Fair play to the man, he's eaten his fucking coat too 09:29 AM - 22 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite