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Here They Are, 100 Of The Funniest British Tweets Of 2018

"just seen a little girl confidently walk up to a bath bomb in lush and take a bite out of it, kids are class"

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1.

Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left. It was only I rounded the corner I realised what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL

2.

Any man who can do this should be allowed to.

3.

I’m still creasing at when a guy asked me for directions at Westfield, saw that I was wearing Nike trainers with Adidas joggers, and said “you’re obviously lost in your own life, I’ll figure this one out on my own” and left 😭😭😭

4.

Sitting in a bar in malia and we ask the guy to take a picture of us, and he was like do u want the dog in the pic, and we were like aye why not, result being https://t.co/E9gceO9qvk

5.

Imagine paying £9k a year to study history looool just live in the present

6.

7.

*Making Carbonara* Brain: don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it Me: ‘If my grandmother had wheels she would have been a bike’

8.

You see any of these in London and you just know you're about to pay £15 for toast. https://t.co/wR2b3jZIt9

9.

kim k eats noodles topless n gets hunners a retweets, a eat noodles topless n am no allowed back in wagamama https://t.co/YteOT1iWfU

10.

this woman has murderd Cheryl Cole, stolen her phone, and taken a picture with the corpse.

11.

You don’t know what fun is until you’ve witnessed a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming “A fucking hate hedgehogs, come at me ya jabby wee cunt” while angrily circling a hairbrush that’s been dropped on the floor...

12.

If your boyfriend is on the way to Zante at Gatwick Airport and your name is Jane, he hopes you enjoy the money and that you use it on some lessons in grace and decorum because you have about all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tires on

13.

Prince Philip’s not looking his best:

14.

Gin advent calendars are £60.00 in Sainsburys, so I made my own.

15.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic (1997)

16.

My Mum lost her password for 23andme. Instead of getting a new one, she ordered another spit kit, gave another sample, and had another DNA test! Today, she rings me: baffled, but excited and happy, that they’ve found a twin she didn’t know about! #DNA

17.

18.

woman: i just drank water 18 year old LAD with a beer emoji and a sports team in his bio: didn’t happen love 😂👎🏻

19.

20.

Three years since Wetherspoons sent me on this helpful customer service course

21.

why do boys change into their football tops to just sit in front of the telly to watch the game ahahah a don’t stick a pair a fangs on when am watching the vampire diaries

22.

one taught me love one taught me patience one taught me pain

23.

24.

just eat: the takeaway has accepted your ord- me:

25.

Whoever posted this on gumtree has me greetin with laughter 🤣🤣🤣

26.

Not a fan of the new Harry Potter book

27.

When I first started at my work I got asked to work a Saturday so I said I couldn’t because it’s the only day I see my son. it’s 5 years on and my imaginary son (James) is almost in primary 2, top of his class, loves football. They grow up so quick when their not real don’t they?

28.

Went down to breakfast, came back up and the Maids cleaned the room and made the bed with Henry still sleeping 😭😭😭😭😩😩 https://t.co/nMSmKalJRz

29.

The Postman writing a red slip for your package after lightly knocking the door once

30.

There’s definitely a strong positive correlation between, how much a girl likes horses & how long they wear their Sixth Form leavers hoodie after year 13

31.

32.

33.

Honestly can’t believe Shirley from Eastenders pulled off all these different moods wearing the same damn look

34.

My 13-year-old brother has been cast in his school production of Mamma Mia. It’s him and 16 girls. He’s playing all three dads. I’m dead.

35.

36.

Our government is really treating Brexit like one uni deadline. How you 2.5 years into the assignment with nothing to show for it? These man will be pulling an all nighter in the library on March 28th

37.

Kat Slater would DIE for an outfit like this https://t.co/oYYy5wC97B

38.

39.

Bus driver comes upstairs and starts shouting at the kids and turns to one and goes “your a right fucking idiot ain’t you” and he replies “not what your mom said last night” nice to see the classic still going strong today

40.

Someone who works at a charity shop put Jeff Goldblum in every single photo frame 😂

41.

This is how I looked at bouncers checking my ID when I was underage https://t.co/u9wowHfcR8

42.

Customer ‘how do you type with them nails?’ Because bab I am a women,a strong Fucking woman who can deal with a bit of acrylic on the end of my nail. PS I also like the sound x tap Fucking tap Susan x

43.

hair: done face: beat feeling: good bog: off

44.

Microsoft Word is the most sensitive thing ever. You move something half an inch and all the pictures move, 3 new pages inserted, fire alarm goes, thunder and lightning, volcano erupts, stock market collapses

45.

Bart Simpson having a shite next to me

46.

Going to a Spoons is the answer to everything. Pet just died??? Go to a Spoons. Going through a breakup??? Go to a Spoons. Bored??? Go to a Spoons. You're the disappointment in the family??? Go to a spoons

47.

48.

do you ever get tagged in a meme and wonder if there were ever, like, medieval peasants pointing out a weird-looking turnip to another medieval peasant like “forsoothe gregorye yt ys thee after ye revelles of christmastide last”

49.

50.

Me: Winston, are you getting off at... Winston: don’t say it Me: Winston: Me: Barking Winston:

51.

52.

i was into the idea of moving out and decorating until i realised a pillow is literally £25

53.

Blows my mind how he piped down a whole ass Dragon, top shagger by far https://t.co/UBHwVCtdQj

54.

55.

Battery’s on your telly remote last forever man 😂 stops working just give it a wack n it starts working again for another 3 year

56.

autoglass repair me : autoglass replace

57.

someone said Theresa May curtsying reminds them of a velociraptor and, well, I couldn't stop thinking about this scene https://t.co/1mg30TzjHK

58.

I am so Yorkshire that I read this as someone asking if you’re at home https://t.co/bKdKuXag6B

59.

"im not gonna talk about politics tonight" me 0 pints later:

60.

He looks like the back of my Year 9 planner https://t.co/FQHdtmVGYf

61.

10/10 for whoever did this full bowling green-sized cock and balls in the snow. Beautiful that it remains untouched too. A clear respect for art in Sheffield. https://t.co/aZ9icrNRyg

62.

63.

every episode of Don't Tell The Bride [int. living room in suburbia] BRIDE: please all I want is a normal wedding in a chapel [ext. working class pub] GROOM: I'm going to spend £10,000 on recreating every scene from the movie Flushed Away and not even the power of God can stop me

64.

Passed out fully clothed last night for the first time but somehow also managed to upload a full photoset from my local kebab place which I don't remember either doing or taking in the first place https://t.co/KQ93zUAoGN

65.

The weather has been so good that my local Bargain Booze are offering an authentic Al Fresco experience.

66.

Me fucked in the smoking area with someone who I’ve known for 45 seconds https://t.co/XNc2xxXoy6

67.

currently living with my boyfriends parents and don't want them to think i'm wasting all my money on parcels so addressing them all under my boyfriends name and when he's not around agreeing with them about how he's wasting all his money on deliveries. sorry hun x

68.

69.

Today marks a year since I paid nearly £200 to be told my dog was faking struggling to breathe in order to be carried. https://t.co/rGfBKz6FKF

70.

When you’re on Love Island at 9 and guiding young hopefuls through the Way of the Warrior at 10 #LoveIsland

71.

Aye, aye it bloody well is tempting Debbie

72.

We make out like Fireman Sam is a hero but he is an absolute hack. Only about 25 people live in Pontypandy and they are setting fire to something EVERY SINGLE DAY. EDUCATE THEM SAM. GO BEYOND THE HOSE.

73.

The fox I planted last year is coming along nicely.

74.

Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no

75.

Isn’t this the guy who plays Sherlock?

76.

I’m going to sit outside antony joshua’s house https://t.co/7k4xh7lMrL

77.

Is Jamie Oliver going to.... cook his children

78.

I’m at the Louvre pyramid in Paris. What an amazing building

79.

Grant Holt has given his children some very strange names

80.

81.

just seen a little girl confidently walk up to a bath bomb in lush and take a bite out of it, kids are class

82.

Thought they were called Andy and Jamie?

83.

when the Uber is two mins away at pre drinks

84.

Soo-per, noo-dellz https://t.co/De1X4umsYy

85.

86.

why do mums always tell u stuff then say “don’t go posting anything on facebook” hun i haven’t posted anything since 2002 i highly doubt my comeback post is gonna be surrounding Sandra’s divorce

87.

Sad to see the remaining members for daft punk hunted for sport

88.

this has jamie oliver written all over it https://t.co/NfhnP1HfZu

89.

A little boy just screamed down the tube carriage “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” and everyone remained silent. I love London

90.

Just seconds before chaos.

91.

THERE IS A GOOSE AT THE DOOR WATCHING THE FOOTBALL!

92.

93.

Jesus Christ size on the bees this year, went to go in my shed just now and there was a bee stood in the way built like a citreon picasso asking me for id

94.

When you bump into your cat 1/4 mile away from home..

95.

Tonight at work ID’d a guy and he said ‘alright love I’ll take it as a compliment.’ He was born in 1998

96.

Beautiful tribute to Bradley and Stacey off Eastenders. https://t.co/AmlMyXc2Tv

97.

Woman on the train just tapped me on the arm & said ‘sorry - is that yours?’ Looked on the floor where she was pointing & it was a massive stag beetle Like does she think I littered it or that it’s my pet or what

98.

steve. 52. 3 kids. hate the wife. love beer. fuck isis 🇬🇧🇬🇧

99.

This is how British people measure inflation https://t.co/lFlLppeLA0

100.

Fair play to the man, he's eaten his fucking coat too

It's the end of 2018, and we're looking back at the very Best of 2018. Check out even more of our Best Tweets, Memes, and Jokes of 2018 coverage!