"Well it's clear you're not learning about a little thing called personal space at your puppy training school."
"Look out the window, son. Do you see that bird on a roof five houses away? Let's bark at it. For 20 minutes."
"Fine, if you insist on playing up I will walk you myself."
"Pretend to be asleep...pretend to be asleep. Eventually he will tire of this nonsense."
"Hey, it's OK. I know how disappointing it is when you realise they were only pretending to throw the ball."
"So...what are you young pups into nowadays? Do you chase your tails? Is that still a cool thing?"
"I can see you pulling silly faces. For god's sake be patient, I will nuzzle you after."
"Who's that chump of a puppy you've brought home and – oh god he's behind me, isn't he? Do you think he heard? Oh gosh."
"Just a heads-up, if you come here on Tuesday evenings, there's often some exquisite bolognese sauce on the plates."
"It's OK. I shall take the credit for shitting on the carpet."
"I don't want to make things awkward and I know you're new and stuff, but I think she wanted me to fetch the stick."
"You ever gone rummaging through their kitchen bin before? Well today, I'm gonna teach you."
"Well well well, they've brought in a younger model."
"That's my blanket you're sitting on, but sure. You just...you just take my seat."
"I'm terribly sorry but I can't rub your belly, I don't have opposable thumbs. Shall I call a nearby human?"
"Remember what we rehearsed? Go and pee in the living room. While the humans are distracted I'll steal the food on the table."
"You are my puppy, but firstly and most importantly, you are my pillow."
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