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6 Times I Wish I Could Slap The Sh*t Out Of People At The Gym

Ya'll suck.

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The gym should certainly be a carefree, nonjudgmental zone, but people really push the limits of gym behavior. Nothing is worse than meeting a bothersome person at the gym. It probably took me so much god damn energy to make it here and now I am exasperating myself dealing with your annoying ass. My mom told me to keep my hands to myself, but ya'll make me want to keep my pimp hand strong when you do certain things at the gym.

1. When you ask me for a hair tie.

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Now, IF I HAD HAIR, girl, I'd spot you in a hot second. But since I go to the barber shop and ask my boy Black for a BALD fade, approaching me and asking for a hair tie is the equivalent of asking me if I have the cure for cancer. I have a shaved head, do not ask me for hair accessories, boo.

2. When you ask me how many reps I have left on a machine when there are identical machines open.

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Really, bro? How can you even part your lips to ask me how much longer I have on a machine when there is one EXACTLY like it next to me? My membership fees don't pay to promote your OCD. Oh, and how many reps do I have left? Your intrusion made me lose count, so I guess I am starting all over.

3. When you grunt obnoxiously loud like you're having angry sex with the weights.

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Wait, am I still at the gym or did I miraculously fall into a live action porn hub segment? Shut the f*ck up, dude. I get it, you can lift sh*t like it's no one's business. Gold star for you.

4. When you sweat on equipment and don't wipe it down.

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What the f*ck? Unless your sweat can somehow be converted into funds to pay back my student loans, I do not want to confront it at the gym. Ya nasty.

5. When you leave your stuff in a locker without a LOCK on it.

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Having a lock on the locker is a sign that the locker is taken. Why should I have to play locker roulette because you are way too damn trusting and leave your things up for grabs. Luckily, my guilty complex won't allow me to steal.

6. When you think your water bottle or towel can safeguard equipment in a packed gym.

Hold up, are you Katniss? Are you suddenly volunteering as tribute to get booted? You do not need to be using more than one machine in a crowded gym. Be considerate, damn.

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