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    If You Are Single And Not Here For Cuffing Season You Will Relate To This

    "I choose being single, because I love being alive."

    Ahem. Hello everybody, please take a seat because I have an important announcement to make.


    Now that I have your attention, I'd like to officially declare "cuffing season" as canceled.


    I know it may come as a shock to some of you, however, I don't make the rules I just report them!


    For those that are linguistically challenged in the colloquialisms of millennial slang, I'm here to help.

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    "Cuffing season" refers to the time of year where singles trade in their casual dating habits for the prospect of locking down a monogamous mate for the holiday season.

    Comedy Central

    The theory goes that the holidays act as a catalyst for singles to seek romantic shelter from the bitter cold and perpetual loneliness.


    But I'm here to disclose that the lie detector test determined that is a lie!

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    Alternative facts!

    Now, we're not hating on those who decide to partake in the thirst-laden activities of the season.

    Instagram: @zendaya

    Go on all the ice skating dates, boo!

    But I'm not here for the holiday bullcrap that tells us we NEED someone just cause the temperature drops and it's nightfall by 4 p.m.


    The truth of the matter is, there are plenty of reasons why one would willingly choose to be single during cuffing season.


    Perhaps you went through a shitty breakup and plan to reap the newfound perks of singlehood.

    PSA: Cuffing season is cancelled this year and has been replaced with breakup then blackout season

    Twitter: @nicoleambrosee

    Whatever the case is, there are plenty of perks to being single during the joyous holiday season.

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    For one, you're free to take the reigns at those booze-filled holiday parties full of hot singles.


    Girl, down that champs like no one's watching.

    And if social mixers aren't your thing, you can always retreat to Tinder. Even though you told yourself you wouldn't.

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    Listen, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

    Keeping it casual during the holidays also prevents you from dealing with dreadful family introductions.

    Warner Bros.

    And the money saved on a hit-or-miss gift can be put into somebody more important (you).


    Treat yo self!

    And being single means you've got time to work on yourself...and your flexing game.


    Respect the thirst trap.

    Because do you really wanna deal with someone hogging the blankets? You know what else keeps you warm?


    So if anyone asks, you're living your best life and not looking back at the treacherous year.


    Dueces 2017!

    So farewell cuffing season, it was fun while you lasted!

    YouTube: Joanne The Scammer

    That's what she said.