1.
The scariest Halloween costume I can think of is "regular adult who wants to show you how well they play piano"
2.
people keep asking me what i will be for halloween and my answer is that i am halloween
3.
Skeletons are a weird costume cuz you already got one of those in your body you're pretty much a bone oreo with skin frosting dude
4.
Halloween is just a scam by Big Cobweb to sell more big cobwebs.
5.
If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die
6.
there are two types of girls on Halloween
7.
If you really want to scare everyone this Halloween, dress up as intimacy.
8.
"daddy why do celebrate halloween" [don't say worshipping satan don't say worshipping satan] well son, it's for worshipping satan
9.
love seeing the creative halloween costumes, like "cold nurse", "cold schoolgirl", "shivering female superhero", "uncomfortably chilly pirat
10.
Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.
11.
idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school
12.
My daughters used to wear inappropriately sexy costumes for Halloween but now that they're 16 they only dress that way all the time.
13.
Friend: "what should I be for Halloween? Me: "my designated driver"
14.
me: I think I'm gonna throw a halloween party mom: oh good I'll get my coffins out of storage
15.
4 kids dressed as the Ninja Turtles just came to my door and I gave Raph and Mikey better candy because I'm a god damn American.
16.
Girls at halloween parties
17.
*Joe Biden throws Halloween catalog at wall* WHY IS THERE NO SLUTTY VICE PRESIDENT COSTUME
18.
One year dad dressed as "World's Greatest Ninja" for Halloween and it was so good we haven't seen him since.
19.
Congrats to "Monster Mash" on winning the VMA for "Best Halloween Song" for the 52nd consecutive year
20.
Not saying I'd rather eat a bowl of thumb tacks than a bowl of candy corn just saying it'd be a difficult choice
21.
My Halloween name is my regular name because it scares people regularly
22.
for halloween im just gonna be angry
23.
*opens door* trick or treat? "It's October 14th" I'm dressed as a time traveller *scraps dinner off plate into his bag* "touché"
24.
"halloween isn't a month long holiday" me:
25.
[getting dressed for Halloween party] *puts on a garbage can costume* "Hey honey look, I'm going dressed up as your tweets!"
26.
HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS: SLUTTY TECH SUPPORT REP SLUTTY SKELETON SLUTTY TARGET LADY SLUTTY GREMLIN SLUTTY CASHIER SLUTTY CIVIL WAR NURSE
27.
Today is Halloween. Or as Lady Gaga calls it, amateur night.
28.
For Halloween I'm going as that feeling you get at a store when you try to refold a sweater properly & put it back on the shelf.
29.
haunted house idea: u walking down a narrow hallway w Cheerios stuck to ur sweatpants while your ex and his new family walk in front of u
30.
Check out My costume! It was surprisingly easy to make.
31.
Halloween is a great reminder that “just being yourself” is horrible.