26 Tweets About Sex That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

“Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use BBQ sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.”

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Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn)
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sex is cool but have u ever had garlic bread

— pakalu papito (@pakalupapito)
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[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no

— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee)
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*in the middle of sex "Go deeper" Okay *pulls out* *sits in a chair and sips coffee* *opens poetry book* Two roads diverged in a wood and I-

— Cocaine Cola (@SatansTongue)
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woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing

— chuuch (@ch000ch)
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Just once I'd like to see a movie sex scene be accurate. You know, him having a hard time getting her off then giving up.

— The Eh Factor (@AngelaEhh)
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My favorite sex position? Boy there's so many to choose from. Ha Ha. *starts sweating* I'd have to pick, um, reverse...shortstop? I gotta go

— Matt Shirley (@mattsurely)
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Every text conversation feels like bad sex where one person doesn't get to finish

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin)
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What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?

— Dr. Jimi Torosian (@jimmytorosian)
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*during sex* just close your eyes and imagine the way I look on Instagram

— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez)
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Cake is better than sex because I can remember the last time I had cake.

— Hand Turkey Rolo ツ (@TheRolo)
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*has sex with you* *declines your FB friend request*

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew)
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girl your body is a temple. but it’s the water temple from Zelda so once I’m in there I have no idea what to do

— lawblob (@lawblob)
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son, ur 2 now - old enuff for the talk. see, sex is a lot like a ocean - im drownin in it. lol now put ur hand up this is called a high five

— TORMBLABLY PIACKEELS (@Tormny_Pickeals)
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[after having sex for first time] HER: was that not the best thing ever? ME: *remembering when my car hit 42069 miles* its up there for sure

— Prince Pupper (@matt___nelson)
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[high school sex ed class] *scoffs* When are we ever going to use this in real life

— Hippo (@InternetHippo)
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Welcome to Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming.

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod)
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Sex is a sacred, beautiful thing and you should wait to have it until you're absolutely sure you're horny.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod)
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[having sex] Me: Oh ya you like that? Her: Deeper! Me: [baritone voice] OH YA YOU LIKE THAT?

— Rocky Momax (@rockymomax)
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How much for the sex doll? Sir that's a mannequin.. .. How much for the sex mannequin?

— Guy Dangerous (@Lerky)
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Sex jokes aren't funny, I mean cum on people.

— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple)

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