Comedy·Posted on Dec 3, 2015The 37 Punniest Tweets Of 2015"Welcome to Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming."by Jarry LeeBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1. Ollie Garch @ojedge Buy one Oprah, get Winfrey. 12:56 AM - 20 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Scorpy D Martini @ScorpionDong Cremators make their money the old-fashioned way: they urn it 05:35 PM - 13 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'? 02:41 PM - 08 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective therapist: so why do you want to end your marriage? wife: I hate the constant star wars puns husband: divorce is strong with this one 11:43 PM - 18 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days. 07:12 PM - 28 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Aparna Nancherla @aparnapkin I once dated an apostrophe. Too possessive. 05:02 AM - 12 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Kalvin @KalvinMacleod Welcome to Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming. 04:06 PM - 13 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Pumpkin Bice Latte @Pro_Jones_ Do math majors graduate with degrees or radians? 03:49 AM - 09 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Oblivia @aveuaskew Contortionists are the worst anger management counselors because they get bent out of shape so easily. 07:06 PM - 14 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. htert lol @ruinedpicnic [please enter a password] ilovedogs [password must contain at least one capital] iloveparisdogs 03:40 PM - 11 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. d i v e r s i o n @Diversion50 People accuse me of being a luggage denier. That's definitely not the case. 07:01 PM - 11 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Eat Wood @therealeatwood Construction experts standing in a row explaining how to build hotels, giving inn formation information in formation 01:13 PM - 08 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Sean Leahy @thepunningman Police: Cover me Rookie: ok [pulls out guitar] Every little thing she does is magic 12:57 PM - 05 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Zack @Mr_Kapowski I thought I saw a werewolf but it didn't notice how close I was to it so I'd say it was an unaware wolf 06:46 PM - 09 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. donni @donni I consider my stepladder my real ladder. After all, he's the one who raised me 09:46 PM - 04 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Rocky 〽️o〽️a❌ @rockymomax [having sex] Her: DEEPER! Me: Is human nature constant or is it molded by culture? Can human nature be completely changed by culture or soc- 02:34 AM - 17 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. dan mentos @DanMentos [spelling bee] "your word is... death" can you use it in a sentence? "in most states, yes" 04:55 AM - 02 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Elizabeth is Ruined @Elizasoul80 "Welcome to tree class." *everyone leaves* "Oh, you guys are good." 02:25 AM - 25 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. dak @daplusk things you can count on 1. calculator 2. abacus 3. irrational thoughts keeping you awake at night 4. people letting you down 5. scales 01:07 AM - 26 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. anti joke apple @antijokeapple *Kanye West replaces Zayn in 1Direction* *Kicks everyone else in the band out* "Theres only room for 1 direction fam" he says "its west" 05:15 AM - 26 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious "ARGHH A HOUSE SPIDER" [spider removes earbuds] "yah actually im more into ambient trance but whatever" 06:44 PM - 12 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Terry F @daemonic3 I mashed 6.022×10²³ avocados to make this guac a mole 06:10 PM - 16 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Guy Dangerous @Lerky Who called it an allergy attack and not a sneezure? 06:52 AM - 23 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Sage Boggs @sageboggs pope: love all *everyone cheers* *he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd* pope: fifteen-love 11:36 PM - 24 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. dream ghoul @TheDreamGhoul [baseball gets hit out of bounds and hits a bird] ump: THAT'S A bird: no ump: FOWL BALL bird: they can't even tell that- ump: WITH A "W" 01:22 AM - 01 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Sean Leahy @thepunningman "How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?" 384 my liege "Ok, round them up" 400 my liege 11:21 AM - 13 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov Remember to check ur kids' candy on halloween, i found a razor in my daughter's M&Ms this morning 04:01 PM - 30 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. Pumpkin Spiceotope @BuckyIsotope *knock on door* “Sir have you found Jesus?” Uh, no. Goodbye. *shuts door* *Jesus steps out from behind door with gun* Good answer 03:25 AM - 10 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. jomny sun @jonnysun i hav cat-like reflexes "prove it" *looks at a cat* (instantly) i like that cat 10:37 PM - 03 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Pumpkin Bice Latte @Pro_Jones_ Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer. 07:17 PM - 01 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Michael @Home_Halfway Why do we call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout" 12:04 AM - 14 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 32. philippe iujvidin @philyuck *twins come out holding beer bongs* Oh they're fraternal. 08:49 PM - 11 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 33. GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge The first rule of Hobbit Club is there's no tolkien about The Hobbit Club. 07:23 AM - 02 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 34. Floyd @dafloydsta [spelling bee] Your word is 'condescending' "Can you use it in a sentence?" Of course I can. Can YOU? 12:49 AM - 07 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 35. DaddyJew @DaddyJew Cop: you failed to obey the stop sign Me: I got lost in the music C: what song? M: I'd rather not say C: what song?!? M: I saw the sign 01:58 AM - 07 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 36. Ollie Garch @ojedge [Blackstreet Bakery] Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] "I love the way you work it" Baker: "No diggity?" Me: "Baguette up." 06:34 PM - 07 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 37. dan @oxygenplug What's a chiropractor's busiest day? Throwback Thursday LOL I am going to die alone 08:43 PM - 09 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Need more buzz like this in your life? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Today newsletter!