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The 19 Funniest Neil Gaiman Tweets Of All Time

Neil Gaiman wins Twitter.

Posted on February 23, 2015, 18:07 GMT

Jarry Lee

BuzzFeed Staff

1. On being the best:

I am the best there is at what I do. And what I do is put my phone down somewhere just around here honest and not be able to find it again. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I am the best there is at what I do. And what I do is put my phone down somewhere just around here honest and not be able to find it again.
7:55 AM - 09 Sep 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I am the best there is at what I do. And what I do is put my phone down somewhere just around here honest and not be able to find it again.
7:55 AM - 09 Sep 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

2. On Tumblr:

My spellchecker just softly and silently corrected — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
My spellchecker just softly and silently corrected "tumblr" to "tumor". And I thought, WHAT DOES IT KNOW THAT I DO NOT?
6:40 PM - 23 Jan 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
My spellchecker just softly and silently corrected "tumblr" to "tumor". And I thought, WHAT DOES IT KNOW THAT I DO NOT?
6:40 PM - 23 Jan 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

3. On the break of day:

Morning has broken. But we've glued it back together again and are confident no one will notice. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Morning has broken. But we've glued it back together again and are confident no one will notice.
10:08 AM - 16 Apr 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Morning has broken. But we've glued it back together again and are confident no one will notice.
10:08 AM - 16 Apr 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

4. On his dog:

My dog just said — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
My dog just said "woof". He didn't bark. He said "Woof". Like someone who doesn't know what dogs sound like. Then he looked embarrassed.
10:03 PM - 20 Nov 11 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
My dog just said "woof". He didn't bark. He said "Woof". Like someone who doesn't know what dogs sound like. Then he looked embarrassed.
10:03 PM - 20 Nov 11 Reply Retweet Favorite

5. On Occupy Wall Street:

I think there should be an Occupy Gallifrey. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I think there should be an Occupy Gallifrey. "Because 0.000001% of the people have 99.99999% of the Time."
11:58 AM - 10 Oct 11 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I think there should be an Occupy Gallifrey. "Because 0.000001% of the people have 99.99999% of the Time."
11:58 AM - 10 Oct 11 Reply Retweet Favorite

6. On Earth's birthday:

HAPPY 6015th BIRTHDAY, EARTH! Also, you're a Libra. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
HAPPY 6015th BIRTHDAY, EARTH! Also, you're a Libra.
12:25 PM - 22 Oct 11 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
HAPPY 6015th BIRTHDAY, EARTH! Also, you're a Libra.
12:25 PM - 22 Oct 11 Reply Retweet Favorite

7. On Coraline:

He did WHAT? RT @impossible_who: OMG I had no idea that @neilhimself wrote coraline!😮 — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
He did WHAT? RT @impossible_who: OMG I had no idea that @neilhimself wrote coraline!
9:19 AM - 31 Jul 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
He did WHAT? RT @impossible_who: OMG I had no idea that @neilhimself wrote coraline!
9:19 AM - 31 Jul 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

8. On The Dark Knight Rises:

The Dark Knight Rises was remarkable. Oscar nomworthy. I was impressed. Also things went boom and there was hitting. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
The Dark Knight Rises was remarkable. Oscar nomworthy. I was impressed. Also things went boom and there was hitting.
10:34 PM - 16 Jul 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
The Dark Knight Rises was remarkable. Oscar nomworthy. I was impressed. Also things went boom and there was hitting.
10:34 PM - 16 Jul 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

9. On interpreting signs:

Do Not Tickle The Ooze sign. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Do Not Tickle The Ooze sign.
10:15 AM - 15 Jan 15 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Do Not Tickle The Ooze sign.
10:15 AM - 15 Jan 15 Reply Retweet Favorite

10. On Friday the 13th:

It's Friday the 13th! Time to head into the woods and stay in dark cabins and lose our virginity then die by the blade or the chainsaw. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
It's Friday the 13th! Time to head into the woods and stay in dark cabins and lose our virginity then die by the blade or the chainsaw.
12:43 AM - 13 Jun 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
It's Friday the 13th! Time to head into the woods and stay in dark cabins and lose our virginity then die by the blade or the chainsaw.
12:43 AM - 13 Jun 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

11. On what his Australian obituary would be:

Although his beard looked like someone had glued it on & his hair would have been unconvincing as a wig, he married a rockstar #MyOzObituary — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Although his beard looked like someone had glued it on & his hair would have been unconvincing as a wig, he married a rockstar #MyOzObituary
11:51 PM - 29 Jan 15 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Although his beard looked like someone had glued it on & his hair would have been unconvincing as a wig, he married a rockstar #MyOzObituary
11:51 PM - 29 Jan 15 Reply Retweet Favorite

12. On editors:

Only because we ate the ones who displeased us. RT @rbp77: because inside every writer, there is a sub-editor. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Only because we ate the ones who displeased us. RT @rbp77: because inside every writer, there is a sub-editor.
1:44 PM - 04 Jun 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Only because we ate the ones who displeased us. RT @rbp77: because inside every writer, there is a sub-editor.
1:44 PM - 04 Jun 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

13. On the Philippines:

#itsmorefuninthephilippines hashtag is a true one. They applaud loudly and hug you a lot. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
#itsmorefuninthephilippines hashtag is a true one. They applaud loudly and hug you a lot.
1:26 AM - 06 Jan 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
#itsmorefuninthephilippines hashtag is a true one. They applaud loudly and hug you a lot.
1:26 AM - 06 Jan 12 Reply Retweet Favorite

14. On having his life together:

To anyone who thinks — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
To anyone who thinks "that Neil Gaiman, he is a smart person who has his life together", I seem to have left my MacAir charger on a plane.
6:43 PM - 19 Oct 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
To anyone who thinks "that Neil Gaiman, he is a smart person who has his life together", I seem to have left my MacAir charger on a plane.
6:43 PM - 19 Oct 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

15. On Walmart:

I have been to WalMart at midnight, & returned with a rawhide bone. I have been to Walmart at midnight, & you should not go there alone. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I have been to WalMart at midnight, & returned with a rawhide bone. I have been to Walmart at midnight, & you should not go there alone.
1:33 AM - 19 Dec 10 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I have been to WalMart at midnight, & returned with a rawhide bone. I have been to Walmart at midnight, & you should not go there alone.
1:33 AM - 19 Dec 10 Reply Retweet Favorite

16. On people in the universe:

Good night universe. Tomorrow I shall do my best to love everybody in you, unless they are trying to kill me with guns, bombs or tentacles. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Good night universe. Tomorrow I shall do my best to love everybody in you, unless they are trying to kill me with guns, bombs or tentacles.
2:04 AM - 14 Aug 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Good night universe. Tomorrow I shall do my best to love everybody in you, unless they are trying to kill me with guns, bombs or tentacles.
2:04 AM - 14 Aug 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

17. On being clumsy:

If you're especially brilliant and not at all clumsy you can spray handsoap over your jacket moments before appearing on Swedish television. — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
If you're especially brilliant and not at all clumsy you can spray handsoap over your jacket moments before appearing on Swedish television.
7:41 AM - 28 May 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
If you're especially brilliant and not at all clumsy you can spray handsoap over your jacket moments before appearing on Swedish television.
7:41 AM - 28 May 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

18. On his break from Twitter:

Two more days and my Twitter Holiday is over. This tweet did or didn't happen. #SchroedingersTweet — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Two more days and my Twitter Holiday is over. This tweet did or didn't happen. #SchroedingersTweet
12:04 PM - 29 Apr 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
Two more days and my Twitter Holiday is over. This tweet did or didn't happen. #SchroedingersTweet
12:04 PM - 29 Apr 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

19. And on what he thinks of himself:

I think he should write faster. And get a haircut. RT @pottertardis: @neilhimself what do you think about neil gaiman — Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I think he should write faster. And get a haircut. RT @pottertardis: @neilhimself what do you think about neil gaiman
5:57 PM - 19 Aug 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

Neil Gaiman@neilhimself Follow
I think he should write faster. And get a haircut. RT @pottertardis: @neilhimself what do you think about neil gaiman
5:57 PM - 19 Aug 14 Reply Retweet Favorite

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