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The 19 Funniest Neil Gaiman Tweets Of All Time

Neil Gaiman wins Twitter.

1. On being the best:

I am the best there is at what I do. And what I do is put my phone down somewhere just around here honest and not be able to find it again.

2. On Tumblr:

My spellchecker just softly and silently corrected "tumblr" to "tumor". And I thought, WHAT DOES IT KNOW THAT I DO NOT?

3. On the break of day:

Morning has broken. But we've glued it back together again and are confident no one will notice.

4. On his dog:

My dog just said "woof". He didn't bark. He said "Woof". Like someone who doesn't know what dogs sound like. Then he looked embarrassed.

5. On Occupy Wall Street:

I think there should be an Occupy Gallifrey. "Because 0.000001% of the people have 99.99999% of the Time."

6. On Earth's birthday:

HAPPY 6015th BIRTHDAY, EARTH! Also, you're a Libra.

7. On Coraline:

He did WHAT? RT @impossible_who: OMG I had no idea that @neilhimself wrote coraline!😮

8. On The Dark Knight Rises:

The Dark Knight Rises was remarkable. Oscar nomworthy. I was impressed. Also things went boom and there was hitting.

9. On interpreting signs:

10. On Friday the 13th:

It's Friday the 13th! Time to head into the woods and stay in dark cabins and lose our virginity then die by the blade or the chainsaw.

11. On what his Australian obituary would be:

Although his beard looked like someone had glued it on & his hair would have been unconvincing as a wig, he married a rockstar #MyOzObituary

12. On editors:

Only because we ate the ones who displeased us. RT @rbp77: because inside every writer, there is a sub-editor.

13. On the Philippines:

#itsmorefuninthephilippines hashtag is a true one. They applaud loudly and hug you a lot.

14. On having his life together:

To anyone who thinks "that Neil Gaiman, he is a smart person who has his life together", I seem to have left my MacAir charger on a plane.

15. On Walmart:

I have been to WalMart at midnight, & returned with a rawhide bone. I have been to Walmart at midnight, & you should not go there alone.

16. On people in the universe:

Good night universe. Tomorrow I shall do my best to love everybody in you, unless they are trying to kill me with guns, bombs or tentacles.

17. On being clumsy:

If you're especially brilliant and not at all clumsy you can spray handsoap over your jacket moments before appearing on Swedish television.

18. On his break from Twitter:

Two more days and my Twitter Holiday is over. This tweet did or didn't happen. #SchroedingersTweet

19. And on what he thinks of himself:

I think he should write faster. And get a haircut. RT @pottertardis: @neilhimself what do you think about neil gaiman