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50 Very Important Questions We Have For Christian Grey

Who is a billionaire at 27??

Now that Christian Grey is getting his own book we have a few questions for him...

2. Is Christian Grey REALLY your name?

3. How are you a billionaire?

4. Who is a billionaire at 27? Literally who?

5. Do you have an inner goddess?

6. Where do you buy your furniture? (I'm redecorating my apartment and need tips.)

7. Does HR ever get complaints from your former assistants and secretaries?

8. Also why are all of your assistants blonde? Is that even legal?

9. Is anything you do legal?

10. Does your sex dungeon ever go through any feng shui?

11. Do you really exercise control in literally everything? Are you absolutely sure of that? What about blinking?

13. Do you realize that "laters" isn't even a real word? DO YOU?

14. Why don't you like to be touched? What about, like, a gentle ear rub?

15. Do you only ever "fuck. hard"? What if it's been a long day and you're really tired?

16. Would you rather give up chocolate or cheese forever? You can't have both.

17. What color is your soul?

18. Does your driver ever get really weirded out by the things he has seen you do?

19. Were you a very angsty teen? You seem like you were a very angsty teen.

20. Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

21. Do you really want to bite that lip?

22. Can you not?

24. Are you capable of being in a healthy relationship?

25. Are you a Slytherin? You seem like a Slytherin.

26. How do you have time to do your actual job when you're always in a helicopter or a Home Depot?

27. Do you hate yourself?

28. What keeps you up at night?

29. Would you rather take a period blood bath or drink a small cup of pee? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.

30. Why is it called the Red Room of Pain and not something a little more creative?

31. Who would you want to play you in the movie version of your life?

32. How do you feel about Jamie Dornan's portrayal? He's quite hot, isn't he?

33. Does it bother you that we're not ending all of these questions with "sir"?

35. Are you sure you're human?

36. Are you positive you're not a robot? Like, absolutely positive?

37. How exactly do you track down people's cell phones?

38. Do you realize tracking down someone's cell phone is probably considered stalking?

39. How does it feel to be a stalker?

40. Has anyone compared you to a sociopath and how do you feel about that?

41. I mean, do sociopaths even feel anything or is that a redundant question?

42. What if you had a cactus for a penis for the rest of your life? What would you do?

43. Do your pants really hang that way from your hips?

44. Can you maybe stop calling your mom a crack whore?

45. Why aren't you "hearts and flowers"? What's wrong with hearts and flowers??

46. Do you have social skills? Are you sure?

47. What was your college major?

48. Have you ever considered that traveling by helicopter all the time is kind of obnoxious?

49. Like, really obnoxious?