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16 Hilarious One-Star Reviews Of Children's Books

"Dr Seuss was an evil genius, bent on traumatising children."

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1. One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss

Random House / Via amazon.com

"It is like this book was written for a baby or something. Anybody looking for enlightened literature should look elsewhere." (source)

2. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

HarperCollins / Via amazon.com

"The description included a pair of bunny slippers which it did not come with. The book was cheesy and so not worth it without the slippers" (source)

3. Are You My Mother? by P. D. Eastman

Random House / Via amazon.com

"A CURSE! AN UTTER CURSE!"

"Many of you, 'Parents', have exposed this book unto your families. Same thing with my mother. She exposed this story to me. But you know what I see in this book of evil? Scary images and ideas. Look at the dog for instance. Does he look like a 'nice' dog to you? He didn't to me. He scarred the buttons of my shirt. Everytime I look at his eyes I fill with fear." (source)

4. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

Philomel / Via amazon.com

"Ruined My Life"

"I purchased this book for my little brother because this was my favorite book as a kid. He makes me read it to him no less than 20 times a day. We took a 3 hour road trip and he had me read it over and over again nonstop the entire time, I want to burn it, but he would probably set the house on fire to spite me." (source)

5. Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss

Random House / Via amazon.com

"In addition, they didn't actually hop on pop until about two-thirds of the way through the book, and when they did, the author never explains why it was happening, or even bother with any of the implications of the characters' actions. This event seemed to be no more meaningful to the story than any other line or phrase in the book. The book could have just as easily been called 'Pat sat on a bat'." (source)

7. The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss

Random House / Via amazon.com

"Psychological Damage."

"Dr Seuss was an evil genius, bent on traumatising children.

As a child, his books used to terrify me. Particularly The Cat in the Hat, as well as the sinister Thing duo.

Unless you're children are aficionados of Stephen King, I urge you to avoid this title." (source)

8. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

Penguin / Via amazon.com

"This book has caused horrible nightmares to haunt me and every movement I make for the past nine years. I have not even tasted a blueberry or anything blue colored since for fear I will suffer the same fate as the characters." (source)

9. Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss

Random House / Via amazon.com

"Better Titles: 'No means Yes: A Guide to Manipulating Others' or 'How I Became an Addict'"

"Synopses: a local dealer pressures a buyer into ingesting a strange substance for 'free'. During 80% of the book, the protagonist clearly says 'No', but the substance dealer continues to pressure. In the end the protagonist is defeated, ingests the substance, and shows signs of addiction proclaiming outrageous ways in which he'll take this new substance. There is no evidence that the antagonist will continue to provide free samples of the substance once the main character is addicted.

This is done in rhyme & marketed to children. Many parents view this as a very positive book (as you can see from the reviews on Amazon). This author probably has 3 books in my top ten creepiest books of all time. Like this one, most antagonists exhibit extreme lack of respect of individual boundaries and dismiss the protests and views of others in careless disregard." (source)

10. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

Penguin / Via amazon.com

"Terrible the worst book on earth ugly ewwwwww"

"this book is not good i would never read this ever again i though it at the wall a couple times. WEll its a bout a giant peach pffffffff stupid never ever again" (source)

11. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff

HarperCollins / Via amazon.com

"Terrible book. Both myself and my son were bored to tears! I would be better off reading my two year old the Wall Street journal!" (source)

12. Holes by Louis Sachar

Dell Publishing / Via amazon.com

"Once again the only heroes in the story are either women or black men. All the bad, lazy, drunken, no-good characters are white males - like my son." (source)

13. Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

HarperCollins / Via amazon.com

"To be fair, it does speak to the plight of the Guatemalan coffee farmer peasantry in an age of increasing colonialism and diminishing resources. That being said, though, the central premise, while eloquently stated, is grossly undermined by the frailty (and ultimate solipsism) of its inherent tenets.

Where The Wild Things Are should leave its childish and immature 'darkness' behind and get with the program. Have we lost sight of normalcy? What's wrong with being a good American kid?!" (source)

14. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr.

Henry Holt and Co. / Via amazon.com

"This book makes me want to end it all"

"When my 18-month old brings me this book to read to her, I die a little inside. Seriously, could it be any more boring and repetitive? Maybe she likes it because it's simple, but my God, I can't take it anymore. Give me the bingeing caterpillar book ANY DAY over this one." (source)

15. The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

Bullseye Books / Via amazon.com

"I really didn't like this book, I mean why would a package containing a TOLLBOOTH, be delivered into your room? What's up with that? Besides, nobody would go through it with a little car that just happened to be right next to it, they'd tell someone! DUH!!!!!!" (source)

16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Scholastic / Via amazon.com

"I don't know what to rate this book. It's not the best, and the best character, i believe, is actually HEDWIG!!!! I really do love hedwig, and i'm glad that JK Rowling made her up because the book would be NOTHING. They use the word "muggle" in a lot of books, and i'm not sure if it's her stealing OTHER people's ideas, or if it's other people stealing HER ideas. Anyway, i resent this book except for the parts with hedwig because a mail-carrying owl is so much more magical than the beginning of the book, even though the beginning IS magical. (I was even hedwig for halloween)!

Well, I just saved you. I despise this book, and i only recommend it if you enjoy leafing through the book and finding lovely parts about hedwig. I still think HEDWIG is the best character, and all the humans are just...mostly fake. The movies have done a good job transforming this book into something that everyone is crazy about.

(Hedwig fanatic, signing off!!!)" (source)

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