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Here's What We Think Pokémon Would Taste Like

"I feel like it would taste how a hamster would taste?"

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Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed

We imagined what different Pokémon would taste like so you don't have to:

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Andrew: "I hear mice taste like chicken. Pikachu's arms look succulent."Bryant: "Like a mango."Brett: "Mix between eel and… chicken?"Alp: "It's like a marshmallow. Like, a pop-rocks marshmallow. No crunch, just a fizzy, chewy feeling."Matt F.: "I feel like it would taste how a hamster would taste? I haven't had hamster so can't confirm."
The Pokémon Company

Andrew: "I hear mice taste like chicken. Pikachu's arms look succulent."

Bryant: "Like a mango."

Brett: "Mix between eel and… chicken?"

Alp: "It's like a marshmallow. Like, a pop-rocks marshmallow. No crunch, just a fizzy, chewy feeling."

Matt F.: "I feel like it would taste how a hamster would taste? I haven't had hamster so can't confirm."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Jarry: "BRUSSELS SPROUTS."Ahmed: "Like a horrible GMO combination of quinoa, venison, and kale. But I can definitely see Whole Foods marketing this as the new ~supergreen~."Matt O.: "Kale. Actually no, wait, Chikorita would be kale. Bulbasaur is spinach. Both would be used in green smoothies. Lots of health benefits. But you have to be careful what leaves you pick on Bulbasaur because he's part poison."
The Pokémon Company

Jarry: "BRUSSELS SPROUTS."

Ahmed: "Like a horrible GMO combination of quinoa, venison, and kale. But I can definitely see Whole Foods marketing this as the new ~supergreen~."

Matt O.: "Kale. Actually no, wait, Chikorita would be kale. Bulbasaur is spinach. Both would be used in green smoothies. Lots of health benefits. But you have to be careful what leaves you pick on Bulbasaur because he's part poison."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt F.: "I feel like Charmander would be surprisingly tender? Like a veal dish. So adorable, and yet so delicious. Also, I imagine the tail would be super spicy."Ahmed: "THIS IS A BABY I DONT WANT TO."Alp: "Is it cooked with its own flame? Is that terrible?"Brett: "STRAIGHT-UP BBQ. Reminds me of summer y'all. I smell charcoal. Charc-mander."Bryant: "This breaks my heart."
The Pokémon Company

Matt F.: "I feel like Charmander would be surprisingly tender? Like a veal dish. So adorable, and yet so delicious. Also, I imagine the tail would be super spicy."

Ahmed: "THIS IS A BABY I DONT WANT TO."

Alp: "Is it cooked with its own flame? Is that terrible?"

Brett: "STRAIGHT-UP BBQ. Reminds me of summer y'all. I smell charcoal. Charc-mander."

Bryant: "This breaks my heart."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Brett: "A mix between trout and chicken? You can serve Squirtle right in his own shell. :("Matt F.: "The limbs, tail and head are definitely rubbery and tough, but inside that shell is probably super ~moist~ and cookable."Ahmed: "Can you imagine the raspy yelp of pain that bubbles up as you slit this thing's throat? Like 'squiiiiiirtleeeeeeeeeeeeeee'"Bryant: "This would make really good soup, that you can serve in the original packaging."
The Pokémon Company

Brett: "A mix between trout and chicken? You can serve Squirtle right in his own shell. :("

Matt F.: "The limbs, tail and head are definitely rubbery and tough, but inside that shell is probably super ~moist~ and cookable."

Ahmed: "Can you imagine the raspy yelp of pain that bubbles up as you slit this thing's throat? Like 'squiiiiiirtleeeeeeeeeeeeeee'"

Bryant: "This would make really good soup, that you can serve in the original packaging."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt F.: "I fucking hate snakes so I would gladly eat this Pokemon alive, but like not able to kill me."Matt O.: "I feel like they'd be prized less for their meat but rather for the pattern on the hood. Like, imagine: an Hermès Birkin bag with an Arbok pattern. That'd be so fab. Miranda Priestly-approved."Ahmed: "Yo. This is a fancy ass meal."
The Pokémon Company

Matt F.: "I fucking hate snakes so I would gladly eat this Pokemon alive, but like not able to kill me."

Matt O.: "I feel like they'd be prized less for their meat but rather for the pattern on the hood. Like, imagine: an Hermès Birkin bag with an Arbok pattern. That'd be so fab. Miranda Priestly-approved."

Ahmed: "Yo. This is a fancy ass meal."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt O.: "For peasants. Pass."Ahmed: "Magikarp is straight up rancid yellowtail. Stinky. Not even that flavorful."Matt O.: "Yeah, what you order at the restaurant when you're on a budget. And when everyone wants to split the bill evenly, you're like 'UHHHHH IDK.'"Ahmed: "I ORDERED MAGIKARP FOR A REASON."
The Pokémon Company

Matt O.: "For peasants. Pass."

Ahmed: "Magikarp is straight up rancid yellowtail. Stinky. Not even that flavorful."

Matt O.: "Yeah, what you order at the restaurant when you're on a budget. And when everyone wants to split the bill evenly, you're like 'UHHHHH IDK.'"

Ahmed: "I ORDERED MAGIKARP FOR A REASON."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Brett: "This is like one of those dishes that costs $10,000 because WHY ARE YOU EATING ARTICUNO YOU MONSTER."Matt O.: "YEAH THERE'S LIKE LITERALLY ONE? RIGHT?????"Ahmed: "This is like eating a big, beautiful hawk. I respect this animal too much to dignify it with a fake flavor profile. They're endangered, for god's sake."Matt F.: "This is an endangered species, how dare you."Alp: "MENTOS: THE FRESHMAKER."
The Pokémon Company

Brett: "This is like one of those dishes that costs $10,000 because WHY ARE YOU EATING ARTICUNO YOU MONSTER."

Matt O.: "YEAH THERE'S LIKE LITERALLY ONE? RIGHT?????"

Ahmed: "This is like eating a big, beautiful hawk. I respect this animal too much to dignify it with a fake flavor profile. They're endangered, for god's sake."

Matt F.: "This is an endangered species, how dare you."

Alp: "MENTOS: THE FRESHMAKER."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Brett: "Maybe it would taste like a mix of all the Pokémon it had ever transformed into? *mind blown*"Matt F.: "LITERALLY CANNIBALISM BECAUSE IT WOULD TURN INTO ME AHHHHHHH."Andrew: "Sky's the limit."
The Pokémon Company

Brett: "Maybe it would taste like a mix of all the Pokémon it had ever transformed into? *mind blown*"

Matt F.: "LITERALLY CANNIBALISM BECAUSE IT WOULD TURN INTO ME AHHHHHHH."

Andrew: "Sky's the limit."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt O.: "Tastes like regret."Brett: "CANNIBALISM. NO. PLUS HE'S SUCH A GOOD HELPER AROUND THE HOUSE."Alp: "No. This is. Um. No."Bryant: "I'd try it once."Ahmed: "Is this thing fucking human?"
The Pokémon Company

Matt O.: "Tastes like regret."

Brett: "CANNIBALISM. NO. PLUS HE'S SUCH A GOOD HELPER AROUND THE HOUSE."

Alp: "No. This is. Um. No."

Bryant: "I'd try it once."

Ahmed: "Is this thing fucking human?"

Tepig

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Jarry: "BAAAAAACOOOOONN."Alp: "OMNOM. I think like bacon with a nice undertone of paprika. It has a slight ~kick~ to it."Ahmed: "I don't eat pig IRL, but I would definitely eat Tepig. Smokey. Full of fat. Pairs perfectly with BBQ."
The Pokémon Company

Jarry: "BAAAAAACOOOOONN."

Alp: "OMNOM. I think like bacon with a nice undertone of paprika. It has a slight ~kick~ to it."

Ahmed: "I don't eat pig IRL, but I would definitely eat Tepig. Smokey. Full of fat. Pairs perfectly with BBQ."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt F.: "It literally comes with its own side of leek — it is begging to be eaten. Probably best as a baked popper, with jalapeno and cream cheese? Wrapped with Tepig, of course."Matt O.: "Endangered AF. If you want this for dinner, you gotta trade with Youngster Jimmy and you're just a shitty person. Bye."Bryant: "Duck pad see ew."Jarry: "PEKING DUCK. PEKING FARFETCH'D."Matt O.: "What if you just ate the leek? Like, how people just harvest shark fins and toss the rest back into the ocean. Imagine Farfetch'ds without leeks. Omg my heart hurts."
The Pokémon Company

Matt F.: "It literally comes with its own side of leek — it is begging to be eaten. Probably best as a baked popper, with jalapeno and cream cheese? Wrapped with Tepig, of course."

Matt O.: "Endangered AF. If you want this for dinner, you gotta trade with Youngster Jimmy and you're just a shitty person. Bye."

Bryant: "Duck pad see ew."

Jarry: "PEKING DUCK. PEKING FARFETCH'D."

Matt O.: "What if you just ate the leek? Like, how people just harvest shark fins and toss the rest back into the ocean. Imagine Farfetch'ds without leeks. Omg my heart hurts."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Ahmed: "Pidgey is for when you're on budget."Matt O.: "Yeah, and you charge the rest of the dinner group on Venmo the 5 or 10 Pokedollars they owe you. 'I mean, I just had the Pidgey, so…'"Jarry: "ROTISSERIE CHICKEN."
The Pokémon Company

Ahmed: "Pidgey is for when you're on budget."

Matt O.: "Yeah, and you charge the rest of the dinner group on Venmo the 5 or 10 Pokedollars they owe you. 'I mean, I just had the Pidgey, so…'"

Jarry: "ROTISSERIE CHICKEN."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Ahmed: "When I see this, I think Rainbow roll. A RAINBOW-FREAKIN-ROLL. Honestly, this looks stupidly good. I feel fancy just looking at it. Brb ordering a Milotic n' Avocado roll."Matt F.: "SUSHI GALORE. Like, Nobu would 100% have this on their menu, available hand-rolled or as a tataki appetizer."Alp: "This is what you eat when your family visits from out of town and they can take you to a nice place and you all just pig out and order a whole Milotic to share."Matt O.: "Oh, so if you had this at dinner, you're the one who pays for the whole bill on your gold Kanto Express card and everyone has to Venmo you their share but you're like, 'It's fine! Whenever you get that chance.' And, like, you mean it. People who order Milotic are very dateable."
The Pokémon Company

Ahmed: "When I see this, I think Rainbow roll. A RAINBOW-FREAKIN-ROLL. Honestly, this looks stupidly good. I feel fancy just looking at it. Brb ordering a Milotic n' Avocado roll."

Matt F.: "SUSHI GALORE. Like, Nobu would 100% have this on their menu, available hand-rolled or as a tataki appetizer."

Alp: "This is what you eat when your family visits from out of town and they can take you to a nice place and you all just pig out and order a whole Milotic to share."

Matt O.: "Oh, so if you had this at dinner, you're the one who pays for the whole bill on your gold Kanto Express card and everyone has to Venmo you their share but you're like, 'It's fine! Whenever you get that chance.' And, like, you mean it. People who order Milotic are very dateable."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Brett: "Salty farts."Andrew: "Like ass and cigarettes."Alp: "If I lick my AC unit's filter, that's what I think Weezing would taste like. So, no, do not eat."
The Pokémon Company

Brett: "Salty farts."

Andrew: "Like ass and cigarettes."

Alp: "If I lick my AC unit's filter, that's what I think Weezing would taste like. So, no, do not eat."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt F.: "I would just keep it around to eat all the eggs it produces. Why eat the main source of so much more food?"Matt O.: "IDK why you wanna eat something that saves you and your Pokémon's lives BUT HEY WHATEVER IT'S FINE, EAT THE HAND THAT HEALS YOU."Andrew: "Fry 'er up and crack that egg over it."
The Pokémon Company

Matt F.: "I would just keep it around to eat all the eggs it produces. Why eat the main source of so much more food?"

Matt O.: "IDK why you wanna eat something that saves you and your Pokémon's lives BUT HEY WHATEVER IT'S FINE, EAT THE HAND THAT HEALS YOU."

Andrew: "Fry 'er up and crack that egg over it."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Brett: "I quit. Vulpix is even worse."Matt O.: "DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH."Matt F.: "How fucking dare you."Bryant: "This is illegal."
The Pokémon Company

Brett: "I quit. Vulpix is even worse."

Matt O.: "DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH."

Matt F.: "How fucking dare you."

Bryant: "This is illegal."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt O.: "YOU FALL INTO A LITERAL FOOD COMA."Alp: "Jigglypuff is actually a sentient Peep."Matt F.: "I would eat literally every bite as revenge for it beating me all the time in Super Smash Bros."Bryant: "This would give you diarrhea."
The Pokémon Company

Matt O.: "YOU FALL INTO A LITERAL FOOD COMA."

Alp: "Jigglypuff is actually a sentient Peep."

Matt F.: "I would eat literally every bite as revenge for it beating me all the time in Super Smash Bros."

Bryant: "This would give you diarrhea."

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed
Matt F.: "This is literally metal."Matt O.: "HOW."Brett: "Go home, BuzzFeed. You're drunk."
The Pokémon Company

Matt F.: "This is literally metal."

Matt O.: "HOW."

Brett: "Go home, BuzzFeed. You're drunk."

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