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    Updated on Dec 23, 2018. Posted on Nov 1, 2015

    24 Hilarious Tweets About Jesus That'll Make You Laugh Every Time

    "Remember teens: even Jesus once logged off for 3 days."


    jesus: what do people call the day i was crucified me: good friday. we call it "good friday" jesus: what the fuck


    Big deal Jesus, so your dad sent you here to suffer & die, that's what all the rest of us are doing too


    *knock on door* “Sir have you found Jesus?” Uh, no. Goodbye. *shuts door* *Jesus steps out from behind door with gun* Good answer


    COP: jesus how much hav u had to drink JESUS: (leans out window) (whispers) my blood is wine COP: ok step outa the car pal


    remember teens: even Jesus once logged off for 3 days


    "drink my blood" that's wine dude "eat my flesh" um you're weirding me out "i'm god" this is the worst going away party ever


    Me: I know you from somewhere Jesus: I get that a lot Me: no I'm sure Jesus: just one of those faces Me: [holding arms out] go like this


    [last supper] drunk jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me!?


    tripped and fell in my heelys jesus take the wheelys


    *Jesus excitedly runs home from school* "dad, dad! I made the football team" *God peers over his newspaper* "well i made FUCKING EVERYTHING"


    Do you accept clean cut Jesus as your lord and shaver?


    JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa


    Me: "Hey you forgot to close the door! Were you born in a barn?" Jesus: "Yes." Me: "Oh, it's you. Sorry, Jesus." Jesus: "I forgive you."


    Jesus take the wheel. Jesus use your blinkers. Jesus stop swerving. Jesus slow the vehicle down. Jesus give me the keys you're drunk.


    Jesus died for your sin, cos, and tan so it's OK if you're bad at math.


    [last supper] judas: j-man whats the worst sin youd forgive jesus: any judas: even if someone sold you out haha jesus: ya judas: my dude


    JESUS: Being humble is important ME: Ok anything else JESUS: Yea worship me forever


    "Welcome to McDonald's, what'll it be?" Jesus whispering "5000 Filet-o-fish, and hurry" "5000 FILETS DAN" J "Shh, keep yr fuckin voice down"


    God: Did you just fart? Jesus: Sorry I had a burrito. It was- God: Don't say it Jesus: To die for God: This is why you were sacrificed


    *jesus givs u bread* this is my body *jesus givs u wine* this is my blood *jesus puts ur hand in soggy noodles* and these r my BRAAAINS ooOO


    Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words.



    Jesus only had 12 followers nigga musta had trash tweets